‘When you see this acronym [BDSM], what do you think of?’
I’m a girl who likes precise definitions. Blame the ex-editor in me. But I’ve come to understand that these four letters don’t fit into nice, neat little compartments. I like that Wikipedia has made an attempt to break out all the possible letter combinations in the ‘aspects’ box on the BDSM page (see image on left) but, to me, these groupings are still quite narrow.
BDSM, as far as I’m concerned, is a bit like cooking a roast chicken for Sunday lunch; how I do it will be different to the way you do it, which will be different to the way the way the postman does it, which will be different to the lady down the road. It’s still roast chicken, it still tastes good, but the seasoning and condiments will undoubtedly be unique. The divergences may be subtle, but they’ll almost certainly be there. What each of us defines as the ‘standard’ plate will differ according to diner.
The subject of ‘roles’ is equally confusing and I do wonder whether it is easier to define what we are not than what we are. Again, the culinary analogy: I could tell you pretty readily which foods I don’t eat (fish, fennel, liquorice) but ask me to list my favourite meals? That’s a struggle. There are loads. And tastes change over time, too.
BDSM, to my mind, is an incredibly complex banquet that caters to many diners, many tastes, many palates. There will be those who partake that simply sample small morsels. Others who will enjoy a vast array of the complex courses on offer.
In the end, BDSM is about us. Our needs. Our wants. Our desires.
A kinky and delicious feast.
Brilliantly observed and I love the roast Chicken analogy. I think it works perfectly in this case and reminds of my Myth Busting session at Eroticon. No two submissives (for example) are the same. We might all call ourselves that but how we ‘roast our Chickens’ will be subtly different! Does that mean we all have to dine on each other to find out more though?
*goes of chuckling at own joke.
Mollyxxx
*chortling* Can you imagine what a supper that would be!? xxx
This is interesting; this morning I was reading Rachel Kramer Bussel’s introduction to her new book, Best Sex Writing 2013, and she says, more or less, that there are as many different sexualities in the world as there are people – so true. It also made me think of when I started writing erotica. I would worry about whether I was writing it ‘right’ – but of course, I quickly realised there’s no right or wrong – I write it my way, others write it their way, and it will work for some readers and not for others. Realising that makes one much freer as a writer just to put it down on paper as you want to, without constraint. Which is, of course, how we should all be sexually – liberated and able to do as we wish. Full circle.
Very well put. The need and desire to express ourselves without worry or fear of judgement. That is the ultimate freedom, isn’t it? Jane xxx
I love the analogy that you have made here, and I totally agree, BDSM is a delicious and kinky feast!
Welcome to and thanks for linking to Wicked Wednesday!
Rebel xox
Thank you for having me! Jane xxx
hehehe, I don’t particularly like roast chicken. But I do like the analogy, your post and BDSM
Great parallels drawn; interesting read!
Thank you. I thought your post was great. (Loved your sausage analogy on Molly’s blog, too!)
Wonderfully written and I have to agree, it is all about the nuances and the seasoning. Each person is different and unique but may still come under the same umbrella.
Rachel x
It’s a very big umbrella – and a lovely one to be under. x
GREAT analogy! I definitely like my flavours of kink even as I know that they are not everyone’s cup of tea (or roast chicken). The exploration of the different “spices” make it all quite fun
~Kazi xxx
Kind of like a sexual spice souk, yes?
I love the way you did your analogy. that was one of the best I have heard.
Might make me start saying set the table its time for chicken..lol
*Laughing* I remember there was some sort of jingle that talked about ‘feeling like chicken tonight’ back in the eighties (showing my age). One can only imagine the table setting for the feast you have in mind …
You are so right.
I laughed about the roast chicken comparison.
What a brilliant way of putting it! Fun, as it should be..
Pea ~x~