Tag: E. L. James

04

Alert Me: E.L. James a pseudonym for the Pope(?), ‘used’ ebooks, and sex toys in airports

In today’s Alert Me: Sixty-Two Shades of Papacy, Amazon’s ‘second-hand’ eBooks patent, and creepy sex toy security.

 

Who Said It: The Pope or Fifty Shades of Grey?
Source: Hollywood (Beta)

Who knew that Pope Benedict XVI and E.L. James had so much in common? As Aly Semigran points out in this article, the former’s new sixty-two page digital scrapbook features names and passages that are spookily similar to the great grey monolith.

We jokingly speculated during Remittance Girl’s Eroticon 2013 Creative Writing seminar that our conference was the final straw for the Pope, our debauchery the reason for him quitting his post (the chatter even spawned the awesome @HuggyPope Twitter account). But I’m beginning to think we were onto something. Except perhaps he’s, you know, really left to pursue his burgeoning erotic writing career under the pen name ‘E.L. James’ … Continue reading →

20

Alert Me: ‘Fantasy man’ vibrators, BDSM Barbie, and a teacher in trouble

In this last Alert Me for 2012, we have ‘dream man’ sex toys from Smile Makers, Barbie and Ken getting their kink on in Ottawa, Canada, and a school teacher under fire for writing erotica.

 

Conceptual Sex Toys: Smile Makers
Source: Trendland.com

The Fireman. The Millionaire. The Frenchman. The Tennis Coach.

No, these aren’t the titles of books from Mills & Boon. Rather, they’re the names of the four new Smile Makers vibrators on offer from conceptual design company Ramblin’ Brands. And when I say ‘conceptual’, they really, really are. I was completely puzzled as to how you might use The Frenchman and sat looking at him for quite some time before my OH came to the rescue. (One glance and he quickly identified that he’s supposed to be used like a tongue on your outer bits. Clearly, I’m in the slow group.)

I love the idea of vibrators based on the stereotypical ‘fantasy men’ – fun, amusing and very different. Aesthetically, I think the Smile Makers designs and colourways are extremely appealing, too, and I’ll definitely be adding them to the Chintz ‘to try’ list in the near future. In the meantime, I’m going to continue amusing myself with the Smile Makers Fantasy Man Generator, a hilarious little onsite game that lets you create your dream hunk from a cast of colourful characters and share him with your friends via social media. Loads of fun. (Be sure to click on Jungle Wayne in his tiger-striped underpants.) Continue reading →

07

Alert Me: No-Sign-of-Sadomasochism – The Boardgame!, Ann Summers on TV, and printing 3D sex toys

In this week’s Alert Me: Fifty Shades consumer products go not-so-wild, Ann Summers hits our screens, and sex toys from printers.

 

Fifty Shades of a bawdy board game
Source: Evening Standard

I actually have no words. A Fifty Shades of Grey boardgame with ‘Inner Goddess Tokens’ a ‘Red Room Expansion Pack’ and a non-disclosure agreement between the players and Christian Grey (otherwise know as the ‘Receiving Party’).

As someone who spent nearly a decade protecting the integrity of a rather high-profile brand that shall remain nameless, this kind of cash-in merchandising actually makes me feel slightly ill. Worse, if Susannah Butter’s article is anything to go by, those who fork over their hard-earned cash for this thing aren’t even going to be rewarded with anything particularly titillating or racy. Sample question:

 

“Which girlfriend would buy the best present for the man who had everything?”

 

No joke, I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. Really E.L. James? Really? Stick with Monopoly, people. I guarantee fighting over who gets to be the boot will be more fun. Continue reading →

08

Lovehoney to release official range of Fifty Shades of Grey sex toys

Last week, U.K. sex toy retailer, Lovehoney, announced that they would be selling a range of sex toys developed in conjunction with Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James. (You may have seen the @ChintzCurtain tweets about it.) Per the Lovehoney website:

 

‘The Fifty Shades of Grey official collection is beautifully packaged, discreet and couple-friendly. Products are supplied with a luxurious, branded storage bag and each comes with suggestions for use and tips on introducing the toys into a relationship.’

 

Image: courtesy of Lovehoney

Yes, fans of the series will soon be able to buy ‘Inner Goddess – Silver Pleasure Balls’, ‘You. Are. Mine. – Metal Handcuffs’, a ‘Submit To Me – First Time Bondage Kit’, ‘All Mine – Deluxe Satin Blackout Mask’, the ‘Sweet Sting – Riding Crop’, and the ‘Twitchy Palm – Spanking Paddle’. Continue reading →

03

A floral milestone

I can’t quite believe it but Behind the Chintz Curtain has been live for three months as of today.

Nearly 3,000 of you have visited since the first post went up and every day, more and more of you stop by. So a massive ‘thank you’ to all my regulars, and a warm ‘hello’ to those who are here for the first time.

Sixty posts in (this is number sixty one) and guess what the most popular entry has been so far? No real surprise – it’s Lizzie’s Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired review of jiggle balls, which is sitting at the top of the pile with over 500 pageviews. But I think E.L. James’s ben was may be in for a bit of competition; also making appearances in the top ten, C is for clitoris, c is for clip and the wonderfully erotic Victorian birching story, Uncle Charles’ Girls by Anne Randolph. (Clearly, there’s call for more toys in the Toy Box and some red-bottomed literature!) Continue reading →

28

Sheds, Shelves and Shame: the best of the Fifty Shades parodies

‘Reader, I buggered him.’

 

Talk about an alternative ending to a classic. I never imagined Jane Eyre as a Domme, but now I can’t stop thinking about her pegging Mr Rochester.

 

It isn’t easy to write a good parody; limp jokes and tawdry puns abound – and many are about as entertaining as watching cement set – but in this post-Fifty Shades world, they’re being churned out left, right and centre as people try to cash in on the badly-written-BDSM-erotica revolution. Standing tall amidst the forest of downloadable dross, however, are three works of comedy that are absolute masterclasses in how to take the mick out of awful prose. Shenanigans with Thousand Island dressing, rimming the Black Gate of Mordor, and romantic nights at the Holiday Inn: will Fifty Sheds of Grey, Fifty Shelves of Grey and Fifty Shames of Earl Grey please stand up? Continue reading →

05

Masochism versus sadism, Domme school, and sex toys on baggage carousels

It’s Wednesday. Which means it’s link day.

This week’s collection of articles and posts includes a Belfast Telegraph article, which suggests that they (and the husband of Fifty Shades author, E.L. James) need to buy a dictionary and look up the meaning of ‘masochist’, a chat with the London Mistress School, and a poor couple whose sex toy was ‘outed’ by United Continental.

 

Husband of Fifty Shades of Grey author insists ‘I’m no masochist’
Source: Belfast Telegraph

 

‘The Northern Irish husband of Fifty Shades of Grey author EL James has denied that she based the seductive Christian Grey character on him.

He said of the best-selling phenomenon: “I’m not a masochist and that’s all I’m going to say about our sex life.”’

 

Uh, I’m totally confused by this piece of journalism. Mr Leonard, your wife has written a book about a man who is a sadist. Therefore saying that you’re ‘not a masochist’ doesn’t make it seem any less likely that Erika didn’t base Christian Grey on you. FYI, the person doing the spanking, caning, and flagellating is the sadist, yes? Which, by my brilliant powers of deduction, would make the masochist the person on the receiving end of the palm/cane/flogger. Unless I’m misreading this completely and you’re simply trying to tease us by telling us what doesn’t float your boat, i.e. pain? Continue reading →

29

Paid perving, re-vamped vaginas, and real submission

Last Wednesday, I published a selection of links that took you to some interesting articles and posts that I’d come across courtesy of email alerts. It proved to be quite popular, so I’m planning on doing one of these round-ups every week from now on. No strange sex toys in this edition, I’m afraid, but there is voyeurism, ‘like a virgin’ cream and submission …

 

This is how you do it!
Source: New York Post

Fancy a career in voyeurism? A New York man has managed to set up a business that pays him to observe others having sex. Eric Amaranth, who is described by the New York Post as ‘gangly and unassuming’ has cultivated a client base who are willing to pay him USD$175.00 an hour for a ‘talk session’ (one assumes the chat differs markedly from that in the pub on an average Friday night) and a whopping USD$240.00 an hour for a ‘guided session’, during which he ‘observes’ their performances and offers pointers. What I want to know is, what earns you an ‘F’ (‘That’s inappropriate use of that vibrator, madam’), and whether voyeurism will be offered as an undergraduate course at leading universities?  Continue reading →

23

From M/F/M to BDSM – the erotic alphabet

Letters. They have quite an important role in erotica and erotic romance book synopses. If you’re a seasoned reader of titles from these genres, you’ll know immediately what I’m talking about, but if Fifty Shades of Grey was your first foray into racy reading, you may be somewhat curious – or perhaps confused – as to what all the letters and acronyms you’re encountering in erotic book descriptions actually mean. Should you pay any attention to them? Are they important? Is there any difference between a book that has M/F/M listed in its description from one that has M/M/F?

In a word, yes. Many (but not all) erotica and erotic romance authors and publishers use letters and acronyms in online blurbs to give readers an idea of how the characters in their stories relate to one another sexually. And that’s important, because it lets you know what you’re getting yourself into before you start reading. Turned on by lesbian sex? Love the idea of a threesome? Behold, Chintz’s quick and dirty guide to the erotic alphabet … Continue reading →

22

Strange sex toys, a secretive author, and Fifty Shades of Grey meets Shakespeare

I love the Internet. It’s an endless river of information at my fingertips. A few quick key taps and I can find out about pretty much anything. But, lately, you know what I’ve really developed a thing for? Google Alerts. Having the ability to use words and phrases to throw up all sorts of news articles, blog posts, commentaries and clips that directly – and sometimes very tenuously – relate to things that interest me. So today, I thought I’d share some of the more intriguing Chintzy links that have arrived in my inbox, courtesy of GA, over the past week or so …

 

15 Real Sex Toys That Will Give You Nightmares
Source: http://www.cracked.com/

Dear God but this article from Cracked.com made my eyes bug out on stalks. I’m a pretty open-minded person but, boy, this post was a bit of an education. The title pretty much says it all and apparently, it’s a follow-on from the ‘most disturbing toys’ articles the author, Ian Fortey, wrote in 2008 and 2009.

The writing in this blog post is very funny and extremely witty – ensure you don’t have food or liquid in your mouth when reading because you will choke and/or spit them across the room – but a note of caution: if you’re easily offended or freaked out, steer clear. The article doesn’t feature any overt nudity or sex acts and there are a bunch of images that have been pixelated out in full to preserve your sanity but it’s still something of a trip. Favourite quote: ‘Finally, the sexual thrill of being a supermarket pork chop can be yours’. NSFW (Not Suitable for Work). Continue reading →