In the last Garden episode, Nick revealed a little more about himself: how he met Tristan, the Dom who helped him top Grace in part one, and why he doesn’t normally play with inexperienced subs. In this instalment, he and Grace are still at the dinner table – sorry, I can’t seem to get them away! – but the conversation is starting to get … interesting.

 

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS – PART NINE

Grace had never felt less like eating in her life. Normally, she loved her food but her brain was working a mile a minute, turning over everything that Nick had said to her, and all the thinking was killing her appetite. Ironically, now that they’d started talking she wasn’t sure she wanted to stop.

Grace forced herself to take a couple of bites of the lamb the waiter had recently delivered to their table. It was excellent, she noticed distractedly, but as soon as she’d swallowed her second mouthful she put her knife and fork down on the plate and asked the question that had been percolating since Nick had mentioned his acquaintance with Tristan.

‘How did you meet Caelan?’

Nick looked up from the piece of pink meat he was pushing through an artistically drizzled puddle of mint sauce.

‘I first got talking to him about six months ago. He used to live here in Winchester and go to the same club Tristan and I met at but he’s been in Dubai for a while on an engineering contract. He’s only recently moved back.’ Nick took a sip of his Peroni. ‘I don’t know him very well on a personal level, but like I explained when we first talked about doing what we did last night, he’s experienced. Much more so than me or Tristan. It’s the reason I asked him to be there. I thought it would be safer for both of us.’

Grace could feel herself blushing again. ‘I’m sorry it all went so–.’

‘Grace.’ Her name cracked out of in his mouth, sharp and brittle. ‘You will stop apologising.’

‘Okay. It’s just I really am s–’ She caught herself just in time, shoved another bite of lamb in her mouth and concentrated on chewing.

‘Did it bother you having Tristan and Caelan watch us?’

The lamb turned to sawdust on her tongue and she washed it down with a hefty slug of wine.

‘I take it we’re no longer talking about you?’

Nick inclined his head.

A buzzing lit off in Grace’s ears and prickles of nervousness raced up her arms. Did she have the courage to have this conversation with Nick after everything that had happened? It was all just so … messy in her head. How did she articulate what she had felt last night when she didn’t really understand her reactions herself? It had been hard enough the first time, talking about her desires with Nick. Even after the wayward flogger incident, there’d been a good few glasses of Chenin Blanc involved in lubricating her tongue enough to unlock the Pandora’s Box in her head. To speak candidly with him that first time, even knowing he’d be receptive. She’d been able to confess her basic desires – her fantasies about being controlled by a man – and that, strangely, had been almost cathartic. But it had taken Nick a good three weeks to scratch the surface of the need she’d identified and prise out a list of the things she thought she did and didn’t want in greater detail: the desire to step off into the unknown, to be totally in his hands. Not to think, just to be. And to explore that edge of pain that she suspected lurked so close to the fringes of pleasure. It had lain there, taunting her, for years. As if waiting for the right moment – the right partner – to beckon it from the shadows.

It had felt good to speak about all the things that had been boiling inside her for so long and to have Nick listen without judgement to thoughts she’d been too ashamed to admit to anyone else. But, in the end, it had still gone wrong, despite all their discussion.

But don’t you owe it to yourself to confront this? Do you really want to leave this hanging unresolved?

No, she decided. She didn’t. She owed it to herself – and Nick – to be honest about her feelings. If nothing else, it would give them both closure.

Grace forced herself to inhale deeply through her nose and look Nick in the eyes.

‘No, it didn’t.’

‘How did it make you feel?’ She picked up his very definite emphasis on the word ‘did’.

Could she find it in herself to answer that question truthfully? Grace was almost ashamed to admit it but having the other two men there had actually made her more excited. She knew that Nick had intended them as a safeguard – for both him and her. A way of ensuring that he felt like he was being held in check and she wasn’t isolated in an unfamiliar situation. It had been a shock when Nick had told her to expose herself to them, even though she’d agreed to it beforehand. On paper, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal, part of her relinquishing of control, although in reality she’d felt incredibly vulnerable. But once she’d done it, his obvious pleasure in her following his instructions had pushed her discomfort to the side and she’d … sort of liked knowing that they were looking at her. Grace allowed herself to probe a little further into her muddied thoughts. Would she have wanted them to touch her beyond assisting Nick? Was that desire the source of the feelings she had experienced?

No. She mentally shook her head. In fact, the idea of actually having sex with Tristan and Caelan still made her extremely uncomfortable – in the same way that imagining Nick with other women did. It had been on the list of things she’d originally said she didn’t want, her hard limits, and would remain there. But the idea of them watching what Nick was doing to her? That had undeniably sent a bolt of warmth through her body.

With a start, Grace realised she’d been silent for some time. Nick, however, was patiently watching her, as if he knew she was working her way through the cocktail of emotions and feelings colliding in her head.

‘It made me feel … turned on.’

‘The idea that they could see you or touch you?’

‘I … I think the former.’ She paused before blurting, ‘I didn’t want to have sex with them, if that’s what you’re asking.’

‘But you didn’t mind Tristan touching you.’ A statement, not a question.

‘No.’

‘Do you think you can tell me why?’

‘I …’ She stalled and her throat felt dry.

Nick smiled gently. ‘There’s no right or wrong answer, Grace. This isn’t a test. Take your time.’

The sat in silence for a few moments, their plates of half-eaten food lying like islands between them. No matter how hard she racked her brain, she couldn’t pinpoint why she hadn’t minded being touched by a man other than Nick. It wasn’t that Tristan’s touch hadn’t been sexual – on a fundamental level it had been, even though his contact with her, relatively speaking, had been chaste.

‘I’m not entirely sure. It was just – different somehow.’

‘What if I hadn’t been there? Would you still have felt okay with it?’

Her gut reaction was instant. ‘No.’

‘Do you think the reason you liked having both Tristan and I touch you was because you felt even less in control than when it was just me?’

Grace’s breath caught as she recalled standing between the two men, the realisation that they could easily overpower her. The feeling had both scared her and caused a jolt of excitement to hit her between the legs. Even now, the memory had the power to make her clit tingle. And yet, it was difficult to admit to the effect their presence had on her body – to herself, let alone Nick. She’d only just managed to voice her need to be dominated. Her unexpected response to being watched and touched as someone else topped her was something she’d been completely unprepared for. What was she? Some kind of depraved exhibitionist? What sort of woman wanted one man, let alone more than one, to control her sexually? One with issues, she decided. Grace elected to fudge.

‘Maybe.’

Nick’s eyes narrowed. When he spoke, his voice was disturbingly quiet. ‘Try again.’

Grace’s skin suddenly felt too tight. Damn him. Nick was leaving her no room to skirt around acknowledging her response. Everything about him as he sat quietly across the table from her – his posture, his quiet words, his gaze – seemed to pull at the truth she was desperately trying to push into a shadowy corner of her psyche. Her answer was little more than a hiss.

‘Yes, okay? Yes, it did! It made me fu-fucking,’ she couldn’t prevent herself from stumbling over the swear word she would never normally use, ‘horny.’

She glared at Nick, making no effort to mask the embarrassed defiance that was undoubtedly plastered across her face, daring him to challenge her outburst.

His response, when it came, was measured, calm and all the more devastating for it. ‘Quite the temper, Grace. Clearly, your honesty and you speaking to me politely are things we need to work on.’

‘Oh go screw yourself you arrogant wanker.’

Nick cocked his head to the side and she felt as much as saw his eyes, bright with arousal and annoyance, take in her anger-flushed neck and cheeks. ‘Careful, Grace,’ he said softly. ‘You’re poking a hornet’s nest. Although …’ She couldn’t quite prevent herself from squirming under his scrutiny, ‘I think that’s absolutely your intent. To get a response from me you don’t like.’ A pause. ‘Isn’t it? You’d like nothing more than for me to give you a reason to run away from this.’

Shock momentarily froze her. Was that it? Was that what she was subconsciously trying to do? Confused and at a loss as to how to respond, Grace picked up her knife and fork and absently lifted the latter to her mouth.

‘You might actually want to put something on that.’

Grace was struck by two completely unrelated realisations at once. One, that her fork was empty of food and her lips were wrapped around a set of empty tines. Two, that Nick had the power to unsettle her. Really unsettle her. And she both loved and hated the feeling.

………………

Missed an episode? Here they all are:

- Part one
- Part two
- Part three
- Part four
- Parts five and six
- Part seven
- Part eight

You can also read part ten by clicking here.

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