Monthly Archives: July 2012

31

A not-so-Happy Rabbit

What we used: Happy Rabbit G-Spot Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator
From: Lovehoney
Price: £49.99
Material(s): Silicone (main body and operating buttons) and plastic (base)
Lizzie is on a quest to find a new rabbit vibrator. Will Lovehoney’s Happy Rabbit G-Spot rechargeable rabbit vibrator make her, well, happy?

First thoughts …

Lizzie
I have been looking for a new rabbit vibrator for AGES. I bought my first one over ten years ago and fell completely in love with it. It was ridiculously cheap, was likely full of terrible un-bodysafe plastics, smelled dreadful, was louder than a 747 at take-off, and had an awful and superfluous bubble of moving beads the colour of boiled sweets near the base. But it could make me orgasm, no problem at all, and it was used on a weekly basis with much enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, after a few months of faithful (heavy) service it gave up the ghost – the battery chamber corroded – and, in any event, I’d started to do a bit of research on phthalates and had decided that I shouldn’t be putting things that were potentially harmful inside myself.

So I bought another more expensive one – and to my great disappointment, it was not a patch on the cheap-as-chips original. The rabbit ear position was slightly different and even though the vibe was quieter and smelled loads better, it wasn’t nearly as easy to orgasm with. Eventually, I got cross with it, threw it away and started experimenting with some different vibrator designs to see if I could find something I liked better.

But nothing I’ve tried so far has given me quite the same pleasure as my first rabbit and I’m desperate to find one that I adore as much as my original.

Bring on the Happy Rabbit. Continue reading →

30

Durex Deluxe condoms: a slightly thinner plastic bag for your willy

What we used: Durex Deluxe condoms
Manufacturer: Durex
Price: £8.60 – £9.99 for a pack of 5
Material(s): straight-walled polyurethane, non-spermicidal lubricant

At nearly £2.00 per condom, are Durex’s new Deluxe condoms all they’re cracked up to be? Thomas gives us his verdict.

First thoughts …

Thomas
I’ll be totally honest. Condoms are not my favourite sexual aid by a long shot. They fall into the category of ‘necessary evil’ but as STIs are with us for the foreseeable future, they are the best barriers to infection. As a rule, I always take the words ‘Ultimate’, ‘Ultra’, ‘Super’, and ‘Ultra-mega-f**king-amazing’, etc., with a large (large) pinch of salt when I see them applied to condoms. That fact is they all involve sticking a plastic bag over your willy, which is not terribly erotic, and they certainly don’t heighten any sensations, despite what some ribbed brands may say. Continue reading →

27

The Garden of Earthly Delights – an erotic tale (parts five & six)

To end the week, parts five and six of the Garden of Earthly Delights – one more than promised as I think it’s important to read these two together …

If you’re new to Chintz and have missed the previous episodes, you can find them by clicking on the Garden of Earthly Delights tag at the bottom of the page.

 

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS – PART FIVE

Grace was ready to explode.

For what seemed like the hundredth time, she glanced furtively over at Nick, who was leaning over the table annotating the plan he was reviewing with a pencil. Every so often, when his glasses slipped down slightly, he would lift his hand and push the black frames back over the bridge of his nose.

He’d been perfectly professional all morning and, true to his word, hadn’t mentioned the previous night once after their initial discussion. He’d simply sat himself down and started poring over her latest drawings, asking questions every now and then as she talked him through the changes she’d made. From time to time, he’d stop and make notes on the plans, as he was doing now.

And it was driving her mad. How could he switch it all off and just … act so normally?

Whenever she looked at him, all she could think about was that fact that he’d seen her at her most vulnerable. He’d had an eyeful of her naked bottom, for crying out loud.

It was beyond unsettling.

‘You’ve made this entranceway too small.’

‘Sorry?’ Startled, Grace pulled herself together and flushed when she realised that Nick was looking directly at her. Had he caught her staring? Continue reading →

26

The Garden of Earthly Delights – an erotic tale (part four)

Today and tomorrow, I’ll be posting parts four (below) and five of the Garden of Earthly Delights. If you’ve missed the first three episodes, you can find them here:

- Part one
- Part two
- Part three

Enjoy!

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS – PART FOUR

 

Grace seriously considered phoning in ill. Only the certainty that she’d have Jack banging down her door and threatening to fire her again had her dragging herself out of bed. Not that she thought he’d actually go through with it, of course. Nor could he, legally. Forcing herself to throw back the duvet, she rolled off the mattress and made her way to the bathroom.

She had absolutely no idea how she was going to deal with Nick today. Her stomach was a mess of nerves at the thought. How did you face someone who’d seen the most intimate part of you? Someone who’d seen inside your head and all the dark, twisted cravings in it? It wasn’t like the meeting was going to be a short one either; she was drawing all the plans for a new commercial site he was building and they’d booked out the whole day to go over the first set of revisions. Nick had been really pleased with her initial designs, but that hadn’t stopped him from picking through them with the eye of an experienced developer and making a raft of comments and suggestions on how to improve them further. He’d been exacting, demanding and absolutely focused on what he wanted to achieve – an attractive, workable design that wouldn’t cost him a fortune to construct.

For the past three weeks, Grace had worked hard to incorporate all his changes without losing the integrity of her original vision but there were some things she’d had to ignore for sake of price or design. From what she knew of Nick – and, granted, she’d only really started getting to know him just over eight weeks ago when they’d started working together – he wasn’t going to like that she’d culled some of his requests. He simply wasn’t the kind of man who took ‘no’ for an answer. Her biggest mistake, though, had been taking him up on the offer of a drink after their first review meeting. If she’d never gotten into his car this whole screwed-up situation would never have happened. Continue reading →

25

Defy the Eagle – Lynn Bartlett

Title: Defy the Eagle
Author: Lynn Bartlett
ISBN: 978-0263850765
Publisher: Mills & Boon (19 May 2006) – re-issue. (Originally published by Worldwide Library (1986))

It’s not an erotic novel per se, but if you have a bit of a thing for capture/slave fantasies and enjoy historicals, I think it’s highly likely that you’ll enjoy this book.

Defy the Eagle wasn’t the first romance I ever read but it’s most definitely the one that’s stuck in my head over the years and set the standard for all that have followed. Highly implausible plot? Check. Uber Alpha hero bordering on total wanker? Check. Cover art embarrassing enough in execution to make me hide behind a crate of avocados in order to read it (more on that later)? Check.

The official synopsis from the 2006 edition:

62AD

And Britannia is at war…

Queen Boadicea and her fearless Iceni troops face the disciplined Roman Empire and her sworn enemy Emperor Nero in their fight for freedom. The battle begins in the town of Venta Icenorum, where the beautiful and rebellious Jilana waits to be married and fulfil her duties as an honourable Roman wife and daughter.

Everything changes when Jilana meets Caddaric, an Iceni warrior, who takes her as his slave. Separated by their blood allegiances but brought together through their mutual desire, Jilana and Caddaric are unwittingly caught in a battle of their own.

As Boadicea’s army rages through Londinium and finally on towards Rome, politics and passion collide as Jilana and Caddaric race to stay together and survive the ever increasing threat of the Roman army.

My 14-year-old self stumbled across this doorstop of a novel whilst staying with my dad during the summer holidays. He was renting a furnished flat at the time and Defy the Eagle was languishing on a bookshelf, hidden amidst a seemingly endless row of The Reader’s Digest. Unable to stomach the latter (pun intended), I did what any self-respecting adolescent girl would do: I grabbed the book with the cover that featured a red-haired woman in a ‘toga’ – read: pink mini dress that wouldn’t have been out of place in an Ann Summers catalogue – languishing in the arms of a guy whose stomach appeared to be stuffed with paint rollers. (Interestingly, he also seemed to have had a run-in with a vat of St Tropez, although, I’ll hazard that as advanced as the Romans were, they hadn’t discovered the joys of fake tan.) Continue reading →

23

O is for orgasm

What we used: Play O orgasm enhancing gel
From: Durex
Price: £11.39 – £15.35 (depending on retailer)
Ingredient(s): aqua, propylene glycol, arginine, lactic acid, hydroxyethylcellulose, aroma, PEG-40 hydrogenated castor oil, isopulegol, methylparaben

Can Play O gel really help you achieve orgasm? Lizzie discovers that, yes, it can.

First thoughts …

Durex Play O has been around for a while now. I first saw it on a shelf in my local Boots pharmacy a few years ago, lurking unobtrusively next to the condoms and lubricants. The word ‘orgasm’ caught my attention and within seconds I was scanning the back of the box:

‘Durex Play OTM Gel is a revolutionary product for enhanced orgasm pleasure. Play OTM Gel has been specially designed and tested by women for women using a unique combination of ingredients that create a multitude of cooling, warming and tingling sensations all at the same time, heightening sensitivity of the clitoris for more intense orgasm pleasure and easier to reach orgasms.’

All of this sounded marvellous but to be brutally honest, I was pretty sceptical about whether a gel could have that much of an effect. An easy orgasm is pretty much the Yetti of intercourse – for women at least; everyone talks about it, but no one really believes it exists. Surely, if this stuff actually worked, I’d be hearing shrieks of pleasure echoing around the neighbourhood? Nevertheless, I’ll try anything once and so proceeded to march off to the checkout with my new discovery. Continue reading →

20

The Garden of Earthly Delights – an erotic tale (part three)

Today, another instalment of our erotic read, The Garden of Earthly Delights – and a quick note for those who’ve already read parts one and two:

This online story is very much a work in progress and, to that end, I’ve made a few modifications to the original posts following some great feedback from a few folks over at Goodreads.com. They kindly took the time to give me a bit of help and advice on some of the BDSM elements and made some great observations – which in turn have allowed me to tighten the story up and more clearly push it in the direction I want it to go. (Although I am sure there will still be things that need improvement!)

I hope you enjoy the revised posts – and a big thank you to those who took the time to help me out (you know who you are!). I hope I’ve managed to address the issues raised sufficiently – but I’m sure you’ll let me know if I haven’t!

 

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS – PART THREE

Grace was huddled on the sofa in her pyjamas and staring mindlessly at the television – she had no clue what she was watching – when the doorbell rang. She froze. What if it was Nick? There was no way she could face him – and she wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else, either. She remained still, praying that whoever was outside would go away. The doorbell rang again. Continue reading →

19

The Garden of Earthly Delights – an erotic tale (part two)

The second instalment of our free erotic read, The Garden of Earthly Delights. Missed the first one? You can find it here.

 

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS – PART TWO

‘Jack, I need a favour.’ Nick took a deep breath and braced for the explosion. ‘It’s Grace.’

He didn’t have to wait long; his best friend’s voice was like a sonic boom down the phone.

‘What the hell happened?’

He decided not to beat around the bush.

‘She panicked and safe-worded. Ran out of the house before I could stop her.’

‘Jesus Christ. This is exactly why I didn’t want you to go near her in the first place. She bloody works for me, Nick.’ A pause. ‘You didn’t hurt her, did you?’

Nick bristled as a bolt of anger shot through him. ‘I can’t believe you of all people would ask me that. Yeah, I screwed up. Monumentally. But not like that.’

Silence, and then ‘What’s the favour?’

Nick felt a rush of relief wash through him. ‘I need you to go and check that she’s alright. Caelan tried to go after her when she ran out but she drove off before he could get to her. He didn’t want to freak her out more by following her home and I don’t want to scare her more than I already have done.’

‘Have you tried her phone?’

‘She’s turned it off.’

‘I’m leaving now.’

‘Thanks, man. Call me once you’ve seen her.’

‘Will do. And Nick?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m sorry. I know you’d never hurt her on purpose.’

Nick cleared his throat.

‘Let me rephrase that. I know you wouldn’t hurt her unless she wanted you to.’

‘Apology accepted. Now go check on our girl.’ Continue reading →

18

Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood) – J.R. Ward

Title: Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood)
Author: J.R. Ward
Publisher: Piatkus (3 Feb 2011)
ISBN: 978-0749955229

When I told a very good friend of mine (who is almost as book-obsessed as I am) that I was starting this website, one of the first things out of her mouth was ‘Don’t you dare forget the Brotherhood!’.

Of all the book series’ I’ve recommended to people over the years, this one has proved by far and away to be the most popular. I don’t know what it is – the characters, the writing, the world-building – but when readers describe the Black Dagger Brotherhood as ‘book crack’, they’re not far wrong. Like a bunch of addicts, we’re on top of the latest release in J.R. Ward’s bestselling series the moment it comes out and are soon clamouring for our next fix, regardless of whether the hit we had last was as spectacular as we imagined it would be. (Because, truth be told, some of the instalments are better than others.)

Dark Lover is the very first book in the Brotherhood line-up and although it was initially published in 2005, I was a bit late to the party and didn’t discover it until 2007. In fact, I actually read book three (Lover Awakened) first after seeing it pop up on various recommended lists on Amazon. I um’d and ah’d about buying it – I was put off by the cheesy title and the cover art – but I’m so pleased I did; I went on to devour Awakened and the other three Brotherhood books that were available at the time (Dark Lover, Lover Eternal and Lover Revealed) in less than a week. Book crack indeed. Continue reading →