“What is hidden in your life? Or what would you like to hide? Or maybe you have found a treasure that was hidden for some time? Or you would like to find a treasure? Sometimes things are hidden in plain sight…”
The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday is both intriguing and thought-provoking – not least because for someone like me, who blogs about sex and erotica, it raises a number of interesting questions about what I reveal and what I keep hidden from people who know me in ‘real life’.
I like to think that I am a fundamentally honest person. Bluntly, I’m just not that keen on keeping secrets or holding back the real ‘me’. (As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that life is way too short to pretend to be someone you’re not or deny yourself the things that you find pleasurable.) It took me a long time to get to this point and I don’t want to go backwards. That said, there is an inevitable rub that comes when I have to balance my ‘me-ness’ with mainstream society. Because like it or not, there is still a lot of judgement and stigma around those of us who talk openly and honestly about sex.
If you’re a regular Chintz reader, you’ll be well aware that I:
1) Like erotic books;
2) Enjoy the hell out of sex toys;
3) Love to write (darkish) smut; and
4) Have a penchant for kink.
My immediate family – a very important group of people in my life, obviously – know about all four of these things. They’re aware of my blog and even read it on occasion. Most of my close friends and even some ex-colleagues know about Chintz, too. They’ve all – to date – been super supportive of my endeavours, even if they don’t always agree with or understand why I might write about the things I do. (Interestingly, I had an hour-long debate with a very close non-kinky friend the other week about the group Pain Positive post from last October. Her perceptions of masochism and sadism are very different to mine, but even though we couldn’t agree with each other’s opinions, we could talk about our thoughts rationally. I didn’t have to hide anything from her. More to the point, I didn’t want to.) Then there are the friends who have been generous enough to volunteer their time to test various items out for the Chintz Toy Box. Again, nothing hidden between us.
But now I find myself in a new space. I’ve moved to a different country, to a small town, to an area unfamiliar to me. I’m making new friends. To them, I am a blank canvas and they are slowly forming an opinion of exactly who Jane is. For the first time in a long time, I am being very careful about how much I reveal about myself. (Funnily enough, my dad asked me just last night whether I’d found any new, local, acquaintances to test sex toys out for me, to which I replied “God, no! I don’t think we’ve reached that level yet!”)
It’s hard – really hard – to hold myself in check at times. I’m a big girl and, frankly, strong enough to defend myself, my opinions and my life choices to others. My children, who are oblivious to the chintzy curtains and all that goes on behind them, on the other hand, are not. And I don’t ever want my choices to adversely affect them because someone hasn’t taken the time to understand me as a whole.
My real life revelations at this point in time are thus selective. Censored (Urgh! I hate that word!). But I remain ever hopeful that they won’t remain so.
Good luck with your new town life. It can be hard, we know.
I can imagine how hard it must be for you to adjust in a new place, especially after you have been used to just be you and have people accepted you. One of the sessions I attended at Eroticon 2014 touched on how much you tell people around you, up to what point you share or whether you keep everything a secret. For me, people in my direct surroundings know about my website, know I write erotica and even know I attended an erotic conference, but they do not know what my pseudonym is. And I will not tell them. If they happen to find out, it is because they went out looking for it. This post of yours made me wonder how I would handle having to start over in an entire new environment, like you had to. I have no idea how I would do it…
Rebel xox
I care less about people who know me, knowing about my website. I don’t want people who don’t know me to find me through my website.
Ultimately, I am a devout secularist and atheist. While the concept of religion in Society offends me, I accept everyone is entitled to believe and do what they want as long as they don’t hurt anyone. I therefore ask the same in return.
Gosh, new town, new life. That’s really hard. But at least you have a supportive family and friends to call on, that’s wonderful.
In reply to John’s statement, I’m a wannabe Christian, I just haven’t worked out how to reconcile all my views yet. Religion in society offends me too, personal faith doesn’t, and I wish that more people in society were half as tolerant, warm and welcoming as everyone I met at Eroticon.
Anna
x
I can’t believe I never thought about your move with regards to this issue. I hope as time goes on you find your ‘place’ there…. clearly there are plenty of us like-minded or at least open minded people around I guess the key is finding them though
Mollyxxx
I’ve become so comfortable in my little circle of like-minded, supportive friends and family that I can’t imagine having to start over again in a new place! I wish you well and will be following along as you write about it all – or the parts of it you feel comfortable sharing.
I can imagine that is a tough place to be in. Small towns are very interesting places but I understand that for your kids sake it is better to be safe than sorry. I wish you well in this new place and the search for like minded people
It’s hard and you have to feel your way the best that you can. Trust your instinct….
~Mia~ xx