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Alert Me: ‘Fantasy man’ vibrators, BDSM Barbie, and a teacher in trouble

In this last Alert Me for 2012, we have ‘dream man’ sex toys from Smile Makers, Barbie and Ken getting their kink on in Ottawa, Canada, and a school teacher under fire for writing erotica.

 

Conceptual Sex Toys: Smile Makers
Source: Trendland.com

The Fireman. The Millionaire. The Frenchman. The Tennis Coach.

No, these aren’t the titles of books from Mills & Boon. Rather, they’re the names of the four new Smile Makers vibrators on offer from conceptual design company Ramblin’ Brands. And when I say ‘conceptual’, they really, really are. I was completely puzzled as to how you might use The Frenchman and sat looking at him for quite some time before my OH came to the rescue. (One glance and he quickly identified that he’s supposed to be used like a tongue on your outer bits. Clearly, I’m in the slow group.)

I love the idea of vibrators based on the stereotypical ‘fantasy men’ – fun, amusing and very different. Aesthetically, I think the Smile Makers designs and colourways are extremely appealing, too, and I’ll definitely be adding them to the Chintz ‘to try’ list in the near future. In the meantime, I’m going to continue amusing myself with the Smile Makers Fantasy Man Generator, a hilarious little onsite game that lets you create your dream hunk from a cast of colourful characters and share him with your friends via social media. Loads of fun. (Be sure to click on Jungle Wayne in his tiger-striped underpants.) Continue reading →

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Girly pleasure: the Climax Pink Skin Vibrator

What we used: Climax Pink Skin Vibrator
From: Desire & Pleasure
Price: £15.99
Material(s): CyberSkin (latex and phthalate free)

A few weeks ago, Desire & Pleasure, a charitable sex toy retailer run by the U.K.’s Family Planning Association (FPA), sent us this classic-shaped Climax Pink Skin Vibrator to review. One of our newest Chintz contributors, The Dairy Maid, stuck her hand up to try it out. (If you missed our previous post on Desire & Pleasure, the FPA, and the work they do promoting sexual health, you can find it here.) Continue reading →

18

Toy with me Tuesday: A mere bauble

Little baubles

I originally shot a ‘cock wreath’ (read: a cock ring adorned with holly) for this week’s Toy with me Tuesday but got a little distracted by shiny things after the fact. What can I say? I’m such a sucker for a bit of sparkle. In fairness, I had to take some pictures of this little Lady Lustfinger mini vibe before sending it off to its reviewer and it seemed crazy not to stick it next to all the pretty baubles from our Christmas tree before it went in the post. Continue reading →

17

Unexpected Consequences (Rod and Cane Society #1) – Cara Bristol

Unexpected Consequences - Cara BristolTitle: Unexpected Consequences (Rod and Cane Society #1)
Author: Cara Bristol
Publisher: Loose Id (20 September 2011)
ISBN: 9781611185768

I think ‘Unheld Conversations’ would have been a better title for this book.

Jared is a member of an organisation called the Rod and Cane Society. Personally, I prefer to refer to it by its original name when it was founded back in 1937: The He-Man Woman Haters Club. Therefore, throughout the rest of this review, I am going to call it He-Man for short.

So, anyway, the guys in He-Man are all into Domestic Discipline (DD). DD, if you aren’t aware, is a form of relationship where one partner gets to decide if the other partner has done something bad and, if they have, punish them for it – usually with a spanking. It can actually function either way (the Wife can spank the Husband) but that isn’t a He-Man idea. Oh, no. And when I say ‘guys’, I mean ‘guys’; ladies don’t actually get to join He-Man. They have to join the He-Man Ladies Auxiliary. More on that aspect a little later. Continue reading →

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The price of lube

The cost of lube

How much are you actually paying for a bottle of slippery stuff?

Over the past decade, there’s been something of a lube revolution. Where before we had pretty limited personal lubricant options (K-Y Jelly, basically), we’re now able to choose from a mind-boggling array of products – organic, silicone-based, water-based, sperm-friendly, anal formulations … The options are seemingly endless.

Recently, however, I’ve noticed that there’s considerable variation in the cost of the products out there. Obviously, the ingredients used in the different manufacturer formulations affect price (and a bigger bottle will, generally, have more of an initial impact on your pocket than a smaller one) but what are we actually spending, ml for ml, on the slippery stuff? I decided to do a little experiment and compare a random bunch of popular personal lubricants from different retailers, ml for ml. Here are the results, from least to most expensive  … Continue reading →

13

Giving a little sexy Christmas love

Give a little sexy Christmas love

This Christmas, we have a full house. I’m even having to borrow a trestle table to fit everyone in for Christmas lunch. It’s going to be awesome. Lots of chatter, over-excited kids, plenty of Buck’s Fizz, good food and good conversation.

But once everyone’s gone home, the mess is cleaned up, and the small ones are fast asleep, I’ll be opening a few sexy presents with my OH, just the two of us. And I’m very much hoping that I’ll receive one or two things from my Christmas wishlist …

12

Hunted – Zeke Connor

Title: Hunted
Author: Zeke Connor
Publisher: Excessica Publishing (06 October 2008)
ISBN: 2940000149157

‘Suzanne never believed that she was the type of woman who would allow herself to be dominated by a man, even if he was as strong-willed and intense as she was …’

Have you ever thought that Behind Enemy Lines would have been way cooler if Gene Hackman’s character weren’t in it, Owen Wilson’s part was played by a girl, and she was actually captured? Welcome to Hunted.

Suzanne is a women on a mission. Go in, meet up with her contact and take out the bad guys. One guy in particular on her list is a notorious torturer named Aleksandr. Continue reading →

10

A sustainable spanking paddle for rosy cheeks

What we used: Rubberwood Spanking Paddle
From: Coco de Mer
Price: £20.50
Material(s): Rubberwood

First thoughts …

Lizzie
I am likely to be a little biased in my review of this Rubberwood Paddle because, straight up, spanking is one of my favourite bedroom activities – receiving rather than giving. With the right partner, the right mood and the right delivery, nothing beats it – no pun intended – although, as those of you who have read my previous reviews will be aware, I am a bit of a masochist, so please keep that in mind when digesting that statement!

Thomas and I tend to purchase most of our toy box items online, but this particular paddle was the result of a browsing session in Coco de Mer and something that I picked out for Thomas to use on me rather than the other way around. To that end, I had the opportunity to handle it and experiment with it before purchasing, so was pretty sure I was going to enjoy its various charms. Continue reading →

07

Alert Me: No-Sign-of-Sadomasochism – The Boardgame!, Ann Summers on TV, and printing 3D sex toys

In this week’s Alert Me: Fifty Shades consumer products go not-so-wild, Ann Summers hits our screens, and sex toys from printers.

 

Fifty Shades of a bawdy board game
Source: Evening Standard

I actually have no words. A Fifty Shades of Grey boardgame with ‘Inner Goddess Tokens’ a ‘Red Room Expansion Pack’ and a non-disclosure agreement between the players and Christian Grey (otherwise know as the ‘Receiving Party’).

As someone who spent nearly a decade protecting the integrity of a rather high-profile brand that shall remain nameless, this kind of cash-in merchandising actually makes me feel slightly ill. Worse, if Susannah Butter’s article is anything to go by, those who fork over their hard-earned cash for this thing aren’t even going to be rewarded with anything particularly titillating or racy. Sample question:

 

“Which girlfriend would buy the best present for the man who had everything?”

 

No joke, I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. Really E.L. James? Really? Stick with Monopoly, people. I guarantee fighting over who gets to be the boot will be more fun. Continue reading →