25

120px-Pictograms-nps-golfing.svgSo, Oleander Plume threw out a challenge. She has this list, see. A list of story prompts.

An awesome list of story prompts.

Ones she dreamed up I don’t know the hell how – c.f. ‘blind date arrives dressed as a clown’, ‘hot sex in a rickshaw’ and ‘bar fight turns orgy’.

What would happen, she wondered, if she released them into the erotica/sex writer wild?

I couldn’t help myself.

I got a little (okay, a lot) seduced by the following starter. Don’t ask me why. Because what I know about golf could accurately be summarised as diddly-squat:

 

6. two golfers, a golf course and a horny caddy

 

If you own a set of clubs, look away now.

 

Teeing Off

“Balls.”

“I’m sorry?” Roger jerks his gaze up from the golf bag in front of him, a confused look on his face. Poor chap. He’s been fingering the heads of those clubs for over a minute now, trying to decide which one to use. A slim, svelte nine iron. A substantial six. A thick, meaty three.

“Balls,” I repeat with a smirk, leaning over to show him the two cupped in my palm. One’s traditional white, the other a hot, lurid pink.

“Um, I don’t mind.”

“Well, since you’re a golf virgin …” I press the white one into this hand, making sure my fingertips brush his palm. To my utter delight, he turns a bright, beetroot red.

Fuck but I love it when Charles brings his business meetings here.

The man in question strolls over, a wolfish grin on his face, and plucks the remaining ball from my fingers, giving me a salacious wink. “Now, now,” he tuts. “I hope you’re going to score us fairly.”

Slowly, deliberately, I let my eyes travel downwards over his body. Charles is in good shape for his age – broad chest, lean muscular arms – and, as ever, dressed to preppy perfection in a striped blue polo shirt and a pair of black cotton chinos. The latter are stretched tight over his crotch and under my scrutiny there’s a noticeable thickening, a decided growth, in the real estate between his legs that makes them fit even more snuggly.

“Oh, I’m going to score you, all right,” I murmur before turning back towards the hapless Roger.

“Use the three iron,” I instruct, closing my fingers over the head of the club and withdrawing the shaft from the golf bag. He stammers his thanks as I place the dimpled rubber handle into his hand and Charles chuckles softly, clapping him on the arm with a white-gloved paw.

“Let’s get this game started, eh?”

He bends over and places the pink ball on a tee, deliberately taking his time.

Cock tease. Continue reading

24

Skinny bitch

I have been in two minds as to whether to post this picture. Not because it’s revealing – it isn’t – but because I worry that people will actually take the title and image at face value.

But, fuck it. I need to say this.

Earlier in the week, I was at a friend’s house. And someone there, someone I’ve met maybe twice?, perhaps three times?, decided to comment on my weight/size. The not-so-subtle implication being that she thought I had an eating disorder. Now, in so far as it went, her questions weren’t delivered in a completely impolite way – I’ve definitely had worse (see below). But they still pissed me the hell off. Why?

Because I get shit like this ALL. THE. TIME.

I’m not sure why but, for whatever reason, people feel that it’s perfectly acceptable – that they’re perfectly justified, even – in making comments about my body shape. That it’s totally okay to tell me I must have an eating problem. To ask me directly about what I consume on a daily basis (as if I’m supposed to produce a food diary for their perusal). To make snide, derogatory comments about my frame. Because you can’t possibly offend a thin person, can you? Continue reading

22

Bra Wars

I have small boobs.

As in really, really small.

As in AA cup.

As in stick me topless next to a boy and look only at our torsos and you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference between us. From waist to neck, I’m pretty androgynous.

I’m not ashamed of my smallness – although that hasn’t always been the case – and I’ve even called attention to my breasts (or lack thereof) in various photographs, such as this one. Bluntly, I’m comfortable in my own skin and I really couldn’t give two hoots if my body doesn’t conform to a standard or ideal. It’s mine and it does everything I want it to. (Well, mostly!)

That said, there’s one thing about having minuscule boobs that drives me absolutely nucking futs: finding a bra that actually fits and at least makes an attempt to acknowledge the concept of ‘sexy’.

Attention, lingerie designers and manufacturers! I may be shaped like a rake but I am not asexual. Nor am I twelve. Want to know what buying a bra is like for someone of modest proportions? Believe me when I say the level of difficulty is right up there with destroying the Death Star.

A long time ago (yesterday) in a lingerie shop (not so) far, far away …

Continue reading

16

exposing 40
Photo courtesy of Exposing 40

Welcome to Elust #70

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #71? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposed! My Mom Knows!

Flash Fiction: “A Taste”

I am a Sex Blogger & I Reject Pseudonymity

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

‘X’ is for X…
Give my guilt an erotic payoff? Tell me more.

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Dis-moi…

Continue reading

06

Bola_3_(8082763925)

Image: Bola 3, Juanedc from Zaragoza, España

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is ‘dating’ and, as such, I’ve chosen to post the beginning of a story that’s been percolating in my head for the past few weeks as I think it fits the brief rather well. The idea for this piece – which, at this stage, I’m simply calling 3 – sprang into being at around the thirty kilometre mark of my recent alpine trek with S – who then had the dubious privilege of listening to me work through and discard various plot scenarios aloud for the remaining thirty.

The perils of being friends with a smut-writer, eh?

EXCERPT – 3

The waitress carefully places our drinks in front of us – a beer for David, a finger of vodka for me – and drifts away to the sounds of our murmured ‘thank yous’. Both of us watch as she weaves her way past the other tables of softly chattering diners, making well and truly sure she’s out of earshot. As she disappears into the kitchen David turns to look at me, the intensity in his dark eyes belying his carefully impassive face. 

He picks up his beer and takes a long swallow. “Rules,” he says, finally, putting the bottle back down on the table and sucking a bead of moisture from his bottom lip. “What are they?”

I lean back in my chair and regard my own drink sitting untouched in front of me on the white tablecloth. My fingers fairly itch to pick up the glass and knock back the liquor but I know I don’t want even a single drop of alcohol to taint this decision. It’s too important.

Fuck. Am I really doing this?  Continue reading

05

Are you a self-published erotica or erotic romance author?

Have you created a cover for your eBook cover using a photograph you’ve bought from a stock library?

Have you had a cover designer create one for you?

If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then read on because I’m about to babble about the decidedly unholy trinity of image licensing, erotica, and associated terms of use. It’s a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while now but, thanks to a tweet I saw late last week (more on that in just a minute), it’s been well and truly bumped to the top of my ‘things I need to blog about’ list.

I think we all know that using material that doesn’t belong to us for commercial purposes – words, images, photographs, drawings, logos, etc., etc. – without first paying for it and/or obtaining permission to use it from its rightful owner, is theft. And if you didn’t know that, then please go and look up the word ‘copyright’.

Like, right now.

But are you also aware that even though you may have paid for and legitimately obtained an image from a photographic stock library, you could be breaching said image’s terms of use by placing it on the cover of your latest steamy release?

For the majority of self-published authors, their first port of call when looking for a suitable cover image for their latest release is a royalty-free photo stock library. There are quite a number of them out there – iStockphoto, Image Source and Shutterstock to name but a few.

Why?

Because these sites offer thousands upon thousands of images of all types that can be purchased for commercial use relatively cheaply. In short, they make it really, really easy for you to get your hands on a professionally shot image. One that doesn’t look like you took it half drunk with Uncle Dave’s Polaroid or require you to pay any hefty usage rates in the same way you would on a royalty-managed picture.

The downside? You don’t get exclusive rights – which, in layman’s terms, means any image you pick could very well end up on the cover of someone else’s book, too.

Ever been sifting through Goodreads or Amazon and had a weird sense of model deja vu? Yep, that’s because the author – or publishing house – has purchased a royalty-free image. Compare, for example, Elle Chardou’s Darkness Awakened

 

Screen Shot 2015-05-04 at 13.36.52

… with Emily Snow’s All Over You

 

Screen Shot 2015-05-04 at 13.38.21

And Justine Elyot’s Captivated: Ten tales of Willing and Thrilling Submission

Screen Shot 2015-05-04 at 13.40.17

… with Lexi Blake’s The Men with the Golden Cuffs

Screen Shot 2015-05-04 at 13.41.54

Continue reading

03

M is going away for work. Again.

We’ve worked out that, over the past year, he’s spent approximately three months abroad. And I’m not going to lie: given we have a young family, him being absent for long stretches can be tough.

The kids miss him.

miss him.

Like many couples, we often struggle to spend long stretches of time alone together, just the two of us, free to do whatever we choose, go where ever we want to. And to play. Really play.

As hard as we like.

Without the worry of discovery.

Without tight time constraints.

Earlier this week, ahead of his departure, M booked a day off.

Needless to say, both of us were excited to be spending six whole un-interrupted hours together but, even better, he upped the anticipation the night before by handing me the most gorgeously sordid list of instructions … and promises.

The title?

‘To Please Me’.

Continue reading

23

sexhobby
Photo courtesy of Sex Is My New Hobby

Welcome to Elust #69 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #70? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Bully for you
Watching Me
Red in Tooth and Claw

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

He’s Got Her
Subject/Object/My Desire

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Waiting with Snowdrops

Continue reading