Soft limits, hard limits, personal boundaries, personal fears. It doesn’t matter if we’re kinky or vanilla, every single one of us has things that we’re comfortable and not comfortable doing sexually; lines that we don’t want crossed, things that we adore doing. And it’s most certainly the case that one person’s ‘hell no!’ is another person’s ‘hell yes!’ That’s a good thing. If we were all the same, life and sex would be terribly boring. What intrigues me, however, is how our comfort levels and perceptions of what we do and don’t like, can and can’t tolerate, can – and often do – change over time.

Now, before I go any further with this train of thought, I’d just like to make it really, really clear that hard limits should always, ALWAYS be respected. No exceptions. They are not there to be pushed. They are not there to be ‘broken though’. A hard limit is a prohibition, a definite no-no. End of story. And a hard limit remains so until such time as the person whose limit it is chooses of their own volition and without coercion for it not to be.

Public service announcement out of the way, let’s continue.

One of things that I am coming to realise the longer I explore my sexuality is that the devil is very much in the detail. And the gulf between the aforementioned ‘hell yes!’ and my safeword is actually much wider than I originally thought. Not because I’ve been sloppy in articulating what I’m okay with and what I’m not or because I’m getting kinkier (I don’t think I am) but because identifying the things that arouse is a bit like going off to explore the jungle. You take your map with you and it defines the terrain you’re going to cover, but the route you follow to your destination often ends up revealing a multitude of alternate trails and tracks that you just have to go back and explore. And on occasion, those offshoots lead you to places you originally sought to avoid.

Some time back, I discovered that I had an aversion to prickly sensations, thanks to that devilish little device, the Wartenberg Wheel. This instrument isn’t a hard limit for me but holy crap is it something to be endured. For whatever reason, my mind has no problem with the pain generated by the sting of a crop, but it cannot seem to climb on top of the sensation a Wartenberg elicits, even when used very, very lightly. It’ll come as no surprise, then, that my experiences with it led me to believe that sharp things, other than that barely tolerated little terror tool, belonged on my hard limit list. (You should see the performance when I get a splinter and M has to hook it out for me with a needle. You’d think he was hacking my foot off with a rusty axe.)

Then I read something the other week that made me think I need to re-examine my feelings. It was an intensely erotic edgeplay scene from Cherise Sinclair’s latest book Edge of the Enforcer between a sadist named deVries and a non-masochistic sub. In a nutshell, said sadist restrains said sub on a kitchen counter using her half-removed jeans, throws a tea towel over her eyes, and then proceeds to utilise the knives in the butcher’s block for something other than cooking.

“I like being called Sir. Master works once in a while.”

“Sir, you wouldn’t really–”

“Shut up, babe.” He touched the point of the knife to her nipple. Just so she could feel the point – not nearly enough to draw blood.

Her pounding pulse jiggled her little breasts, and she was hardly breathing. Nice. Just right.

He laid the hilt on her stomach and positioned the hefty bare blade between her breasts. “You planning to move?”

Her no was so low he barely heard it.

“Didn’t think so. Gonna have some fun now … Warning, babe, you wriggle and I’ll amuse myself with the blade instead.”

You get the idea.

As the scene progresses deVries gets more wicked. There’s some light scratching. Some pretty evil head-screwing. And while I wasn’t so sold on the rest of the novel, I read this scene three times in quick succession because something in it was shouting ‘HOT!’ at me very, very loudly; making the kinky part of my brain sit up and go ‘Hmmm’.

I’m still not absolutely sure what it is about it that’s appealed to me so deeply. I’ve read edgeplay scenes involving knives before and, while I’ve appreciated them and the sentiment and psychology behind them – Maren Smith’s Holding Hannah, for example – it’s definitely been a case of YKINMK. Perhaps it’s the delivery, the way the scene is carried out rather than the implement(s) used in it? The way Lindsey, the sub, is blindfolded so crudely? The way she is restrained? Whatever the appeal, I do know that it is making me think very, very hard about what exactly it is I don’t like about the Wartenberg. My current ponderings suggest that my exclusion of ‘sharp things’ during play may have been far too broad. And this is where I come back to my ‘it’s all in the detail’ statement. A prickle is very different to a scratch, just as the thwack of a flogger is very different to the bite of cane. It seems so obvious in hindsight that the two sensations are really quite different beasts and yet I’ve been lumping them together into the same bucket.

It just shows that the brain doesn’t always see what’s obvious.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had such a reaction to a bit of text, either. If you read my post The Violet Wand Diaries: Part One, you’ll know that my curiosity around electrical play sparked off (sorry, couldn’t help myself) in much the same way. It just goes to show that context and delivery have a huge role to how we perceive various kinks.

Even more interestingly, M, who, like me, doesn’t tend towards edgeplay, read this scene at my request – after initially taking a step backwards at my pre-read CliffsNotes overview – and had a very similar reaction to it, albeit from a Top rather than a bottom perspective. Clearly, something in what is described is calling out to both of us, perhaps tapping into an undercurrent in our play that we’re both unaware of. Go figure. He’s not a sadist. I’m not keen on sharp things. And yet we both read a scene involving both and go ‘ooh!’

I sense a boundary shift on the horizon.

*Since writing this post, I have been keeping an eye on the reviews for Edge of the Enforcer on Amazon and Goodreads and am intrigued to see just how many people have responded the same way I did to the play in it given that it has a relatively mainstream readership. In the words of one reviewer:

“I have to admit, I’ve never been into edge play, but the mindfvck [sic] of the knife play scene was seriously steamy.”

You can read various the various reviews here (Goodreads) and here (Amazon).

The post Edges, Limits and Boundaries appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

We’re taking a bit of a break this week, so there won’t be any new posts until Monday 12 November. If you’re new to Behind the Chintz Curtain and want to know what we’re all about (or you haven’t stopped by in a while), here’s a selection of last month’s most popular posts:

TOYS

• C is for clitoris, C is for clip
• Christian Grey’s playthings, part three: pleasure beads
• Squeeze. Tease. The agony and ecstasy of nipple clamps
• The Wartenberg pinwheel: the sharp edge of sensation play
• Toy with me Tuesday: Autumn berries
• This story is about a little vibrator. Her name is Gigi
• Toy with me Tuesday: Surprise!
• A touch of glass: the Spartacus Smooth G-Spot Dildo

EROTIC BOOKS & STORIES

• Yes, Sir (Erotic Stories of Female Submission) - Rachel Kramer Bussel
• Uncle Charles’ Girls – Anne Randolph
• Seduced in the Dark - C.J. Roberts

I hope you find something you like!

Jane
x

The post Hiatus appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

The Wartenberg pinwheel, while originally invented as a medical device for neurological use has become something of a BDSM staple over the years. So what does one feel like? Should you be afraid of those rather sharp looking spikes? Lizzie and Thomas find out.

First thoughts …

Lizzie
I’ve wanted to try a Wartenberg pinwheel for ages but, for various reasons, Thomas and I just never seemed to get around to purchasing one. As you’ve probably gathered from my previous toy reviews, I’m not averse to a bit of pain during sex but, on balance, my experience runs to impact and pressure toys (such as floggers, paddles and clamps), so anything sharp has the power to make me shiver a little.

This device takes its name from American neurologist, Robert Wartenberg, who designed it to test nerve reactions (sensitivity) in patients, but, per Jane’s introduction to this post, the wheel has become quite popular with those who enjoy BDSM. There are a few different Wartenberg designs out there but, in essence, they’re pretty much identical from a form and function perspective. You’re basically dealing with a wheel of sharp, metal spikes (attached to a handle) that rotates when it’s run over the skin.

Thomas
It looks like a cross between a medieval torture device and some kind of dentist’s tool. I keep having flashbacks Laurence Olivier in Marathon Man. It is surprising sharp – don’t drop it on you foot – but it is stainless steel, so can be hygienically cleaned. (That said, as it’s possible for this toy to break the skin, I would suggest it only be used on one person or be shared by monogamous couples.)

NB: I’m curious as to how effective the Wartenberg is for measuring nerve damage in a patient; in my experience, if you poke someone with something as sharp as this, you’re going to get a reaction. Possibly a black eye. Just saying.

The packaging …

Lizzie
Very simple. The Wartenberg pinwheel we ordered from Bondara arrived in a slim, plastic pouch, one side of which is see-through. No visible branding but it’s not a big or complicated toy (the pinwheel is only 7 inches in length) so it doesn’t really need anything fancy.

Using it …

Lizzie
As soon as the Wartenberg arrived, I got it out of the packet and started prodding the spikes with my fingers – there are 20 on the wheel in total – to see just how sharp they were. (Very, as it turns out.) I then ran it experimentally over the insides of my arms, at first lightly and then with a little more force. While I didn’t yelp at the feelings it generated, the pinwheel definitely had some bite; it left imprints on the skin when I applied it with what I would call an ‘average’ pressure and as it tracked across my arm, a prickling sensation lingered for a short time in its wake.

Our first ‘proper’ use of the Wartenberg wheel took place a day or so after its arrival. Thomas decided to use it on me as part of a sensation play session, combining the prickle of the Wartenberg with the much softer touch of an ostrich feather we keep in our toy box. In addition, he blindfolded me so that I was unable to tell which implement I’d be experiencing ahead of time. Needless to say, after being stroked with something very light and silky, the spikes of the Wartenberg wheel came as a massive shock, despite the fact that I knew Thomas was going to use it on me. There was much gripping of sheets (and maybe a stifled cry or two) as the wheel made its way over my back and bottom. Because even though I knew from playing with it myself that Thomas would have to press relatively firmly to break my skin, it felt like the spikes were going to do so at any moment. On more tender areas – the crease between the buttocks, for example – and skin sensitised through impact play (in addition to the ostrich feather, Thomas introduced our crop partway through our session), the Wartenberg’s power increased exponentially.

Bluntly, this is an evil, evil little toy – and I don’t mean that as a criticism. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I was really shocked by how much power such a small thing had over me. The sensations the Wartenberg pinwheel generated were incredibly intense and the threat of it breaking the skin felt very real when it was being run over me.

Thomas
I wasn’t too sure how to approach this one – as Lizzie mentioned, sharp toys are new for us – so I figured a mix of surprise and soft/hard would be the way to go.

Using the pinwheel certainly got quite a reaction from Lizzie (kinky tart), especially when mixed in with soft stroking and some spanking/cropping to sensitize the skin. Only light pressure is needed, unless of course you’re into more serious edge play, and you need to be careful where you use it (very sensitive areas need to be built up to). I found the best way was to run it around very slowly over well-spanked areas, but I am sure it will work well used anywhere your partner is sensitive.

The verdict? 

Lizzie
I actually find it quite hard to articulate my feelings about this particular toy as the sensations it generates are so unique. It plays a head-game with you because, mentally, you register its sharpness as a significant threat. And that’s its appeal; it has teeth (literally) and requires you to have total trust in your partner. A really great D/s toy that I would say is a toy box essential for those who enjoy sensation play. I like it a lot – but I’m also a bit scared of it!

Thomas
All I can say is I haven’t heard Lizzie moan like that in a while. It generated a remarkable level of moisture – which, obviously, told me that she found the effects of the Wartenberg pinwheel a real turn-on. A great toy for something so simple but I would use sparingly to keep it exciting.

In summary …

Things we liked:

• The sensation it generates. The prickling feeling as the pinwheel moves over the skin is very unusual.
• The size. A nice, small toy that can be stored easily.
• The reactions it induces. It’s very hard to be indifferent to those spikes!
• The mental stimulation the device induces. The Wartenberg pinwheel requires a level of trust between those using it. A great toy to bond with, especially if you enjoy D/s.

Things we weren’t so keen on:

• Could be very hard to explain at an airport customs (being metal and all).

Tickle you fancy? Click here to buy the Wartenberg wheel from Bondara.

The post The Wartenberg pinwheel: the sharp edge of sensation play appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.