THE THORN BIRDS, COLLEEN McCULLOUGH – AMAZON U.K.

If you’ve never read The Thorn Birds (or seen the incredibly cheesy film version staring Rachel Ward, Richard Chamberlain and Aussie icon Bryan Brown – c.f. the roll-around-laughing-til-you-wet-yourself trailer above), click on the above buy link right now. Now, I say! This iconic novel is currently in the Amazon U.K. Kindle Monthly Deal Bin for £0.99 and if you want to be swept up and away by a book that makes Days of Our Lives seem light on the drama, look no further.

TWO FOR $25.00 ON SELECTED BUTT PLUGS – LOVEHONEY U.S.

As the title suggests, Lovehoney U.S. are currently running a ‘two for’ promotion on selected butt plugs, so if you’re looking for a bit of bottom love, this is definitely one to check out. There are some nice silicone plugs on offer (I’d recommend choosing toys made from this material over the jelly types as the latter often contain phthalates), including the Beaded Silicone Butt Plug with Finger Loop, the Lovehoney Booty Buddy, and the Adrien Lastic Anal Triball Beaded Butt Plug.

To see all the butt plugs in the promotion, click here.

HALF-PRICE ROCK-CHICK – ADAM & EVE

The Rock-Chick is a silicone vibrator is designed to stimulate the clitoris and G-Spot (hello squirting orgasm!) and Adam & Eve are currently offering it at half-price (reduced from $69.95 to $34.97) – a nice little saving. The reviews are mixed but at this price it may be worth considering.

 TWO FOR £15.00 ON TENGA EGGS – LOVEHONEY U.K.

One for the boys.

Not seen or heard of these little beauties before? Tenga Eggs are wonderful little single-use penis masturbators that hide inside a variety of different coloured shells. They’re cute, fun and a perfect little treat for yourself or a significant other. Lovehoney U.K. are currently offering two eggs for £15.00, including the very groovy Keith Haring Party, Dance, and Street designs.

Happy Friday, all!

The post Freebies and Discounts: Catholic Priests, Butts, Eggs, and Rock Chicks appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

I know it’s not a Friday, but there are some really good Lovehoney sex toy deals floating around at the moment (particularly in relation to LELO products) and I haven’t done a Freebies and Discounts post for quite a few weeks – naughty me! Ergo, I thought it prudent to let you all know about them before they disappear into the ether. As many of you are aware, I’ve shifted countries recently so, going forwards, I’m going to do my best to keep the various parts of the globe covered with regard to sex toy bargains. Geography shouldn’t impact your ability to obtain good toy discounts, in my opinion.

FREE SWOON CROSS MY PALM VIBRATOR – LOVEHONEY U.K.

Until midnight on Friday 16 May, Britain’s online sex toy giant is giving away a free Swoon waterproof vibrator with all purchases of £10.00 or more. And you get free delivery, too. No idea what to spend that first ten quid on? Check out Lovehoney’s ’3 for £10.00 toy selection, which you can find here.

UP TO 40% OFF LELO – LOVEHONEY AUSTRALIA

For those of you who shopping in the Southern Hemisphere, Lovehoney Australia has a brilliant LELO deal going on at the moment: up to 40% off LELO selected products, including the Smart Wand, the Oden 2 Couples Remote Control Vibrator Ring (one for the men), and the Tara Rotating and Vibrating Clitoral and G-Spot Massager.

UP TO 40% OFF LELO – LOVEHONEY U.S.A

Fear not, those of you in North America, that you’re going to miss out on all the LELO fun to the Aussies and Kiwis. Lovehoney U.S. is also running the 40% off selected LELO products deal. In fact, there are actually more items included on the U.S. site than on the Australian site, such as the Liv 2 Rechargeable Vibrator, the Billy Prostate Massager and the Insignia Alia Clitoral Vibrator.

Wherever you are in the world, I hope you find something to interest you.

Jane

xxx

The post Freebies and Discounts: Lovehoney and LELO sex toy bargains around the globe appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

My picks? Well, you know I’m not that keen on pink things, so might I suggest one of these lovely, dark beauties …

Silicone Anal Beads from Sex and Mischief

Made from silicone – and therefore body-safe fun for your bottom.

50-hour Athens Massage Candle by Petits Joujoux

I’m rather taken with the packaging of this. Simply light the candle, wait for it to liquify, and use the warm wax in place of a regular massage oil.

Jimmyjane Form 3 Rechargeable Vibrator

It’s waterproof! Which means that this vibrator can join you in the bath. Glass of wine … candles … a saucy book … an orgasm or two …

Just enter the following code, OHITQUE25, at checkout to obtain the 25% discount on your purchase (or purchases).

Happy shopping!

Jane
x

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What we used: RO-100mm soft tip bullet vibrator
From: Rocks-Off
Price: from £12.90 (varies by retailer)
Material(s): chrome-plated ABS/silicone tip
Reviewer: D

This Rocks-Off RO-100mm bullet write-up is a special one, because it is has been undertaken by my newest reviewer, D, who is an amazing 74-years-of-age. All of you out there who think that sex toys aren’t for those of increased maturity? Think again!  Reading her comments on this little vibe was fascinating – and I’m thinking that maybe I should have given her something a bit bigger to kick off with!

All I can say is that I hope I’m as wonderful and sexy as D is when I hit my 70s …

Packaging
Simple. Functional. Not very exciting.

Size and design
The size is fine if this is intended for a fairly inexperienced and modest user! They say size matters, but that is all relative, I guess. The RO-100mm was good for me as an inexperienced operator, but having seen something much more exciting (i.e. the Swan you recently received for review!), the Rocks-Off bullet seems a bit of a sparrow!

Value for money
Fabulous.

Materials/construction
Good quality; smooth with a very comfortable tip. I liked the black and silver colour combination although I understand the tip is available in different colours*, including pink. If the pink is a natural, flesh tone then I think this would be very acceptable, too. More attractive packaging would be appreciated but at such a modest price, one can’t have everything!

Ease of use
Very easy to use (you don’t have to be a rocket scientist) but the instructions are extremely difficult to read as the printing on the leaflet is microscopic. No problems with taking off the battery protector tab off (it runs on a single LR1 battery) or getting it started. Simple to clean.

Level of vibration
Well, I guess it all depends on what the user is used to! For ‘old hands’ who are used to a high level of vibration, this Rocks-Off bullet will probably be too tame. I found it fine, but then I don’t need a lot of intensity. (I think this is a very difficult area to assess as everyone is so different in their sexual needs and make-ups.) I liked it but haven’t had much experience with other vibrators. My feeling is that this bullet would be very suitable as an introductory model.

Anything else?
Just be careful not to ‘lose it’ during use! At 4 inches (10 centimetres) long and 0.8 of an inch (2 centimetres) wide, it is quite small!

In summary

Pluses:

• Value for money;
• Visually pleasing;
• Good for beginners.

Minuses:

• Extremely basic packaging;
• Difficult-to-read instructions.

*The Rocks-Off RO-100mm bullet is also available in blue, pink and red.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase (colour availability varies by retailer):

• Bondara
• Chemist Direct
• Passion8
• Amazon.com

The post Get your Rocks-Off no matter what your age appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Silver Swan vibrator
From: Swan
Price: from £89.95 (varies by retailer)
Material(s): Phthalate-free seamless silicone
Reviewer: The Dairy Maid

The Dairy Maid doesn’t usually go in for pink things; she’s not really a girly-girl. But then she met the Silver Swan vibrator. And, well … I think it’s safe to say she really (really) liked it.

First impressions

The packaging

Very well packaged. There’s a smart, rectangular outer box with an accurate picture of the product on the front that gives the Silver Swan a high quality, contemporary feel and within, a hardened cardboard case with a magnetic closure. Once opened, this reveals a black card insert containing a comprehensive instruction booklet that lifts to reveal the vibrator itself, a satin carry pouch, and a multi-plug adaptor for recharging.

All in all, the packaging gives the impression of an expensive, high-end product – so far, so good!

The vibrator
The Silver Swan vibrator is pink – you’ll know from my previous vibrator review that that’s not normally my favourite colour – but it’s a dark rose (so not garish) and has a matt texture. The vibrator has a 100% silicone body, which feels smooth with none of the tacky, almost sticky feel I have experienced with cheaper products. It is also waterproof and phthalate-free.

The two control buttons are integral within the body of the vibrator and are easy to operate without feeling conspicuous.

Shape-wise, the Silver Swan is a rabbit-type vibrator in that it provides both a penetrative shaft and a clitoral stimulator – both of which operate with independent motors, each with their own controls.

How to use it

The longer arm is inserted into the vagina while the shorter one rests between your labia and over your clitoris. You set the vibration setting for each arm with the two raised controls by pressing and holding until the desired vibration level is reached. Each arm has a generously curved bump, making it easy to reach your G-Spot area internally and provide effortless pressure to your clitoris.

The controls are beautifully unfussy and easy to manipulate during play. You can change the vibration settings by holding down on the buttons and releasing them to go up or down in intensity, then switch off with a quick click.

The Silver Swan also has a travel lock, which you activate by holding both buttons down until the little lights go off.

Why I liked it

It’s visually really attractive and feels sleek and sensuous – and this makes you want to play with it without feeling embarrassed. The Silver Swan is a ‘grown-up’, classy sex toy!

The design is very intuitive and body friendly; it felt comfortable when inserted and the curves fit snugly in all the right places. The dual vibrations were incredibly powerful, too, and enabled me to effortlessly control my climax without the distraction of fiddly controls. At maximum power the vibrator was almost unbearable as the motors were so strong – achieved by PowerBullet technology according to the supplied info.!

My partner was really impressed and enjoyed trying it out – he gave it 10/10 for flexibility and ease of use and we found using it together very erotic and sensual. It is certainly the first vibrator I have tried that I haven’t felt awkward using in front of him.

After play it is very easy to clean and being seam-free it’s far more hygienic overall.

The Silver Swan also has a rechargeable, environmentally-friendly lithium ion battery, which can be fully charged within three hours (with a little light that indicates when it’s locked and loaded). This should enable the product to be used for years. In fact, the Silver Swan has a one-year limited warranty and a ten-year guarantee, which I think is amazing.

What I didn’t like

It’s just about perfect in every way but if I was being picky I would have liked a vibe pattern rather than just the options of faster and slower.

Would I recommend it?

Absolutely! It looks, feels and performs like a premium product and I can’t imagine that anyone wanting a decent-quality vibrator would be disappointed, whether buying it for themselves or (hopefully!) receiving it as a gift.

This toy is also flexible enough to accommodate any stretching that needs to happen to reach yummy spots or apply extra pressure. The Silver Swan is so well curved in all the right places that handling it and using the controls during play is intuitive and doesn’t once become a distraction. (I loved the separate motors and chose a low rumble for the shaft and a faster, more powerful setting for my clit.)

All the extra issues I usually find manufacturers stumbling with, the Silver Swan handles with as much understated aplomb as it does everything else.

A premium toy that should give you premium, environmentally-friendly pleasure for years.

Tickle your fancy? You can buy the Silver Swan vibrator from the following retailers:

• Ann Summers
• Simply Pleasure
• Pulse and Cocktails

*Please note that the Silver Swan vibrator was provided by Swan Vibes, free of charge, in exchange for a fair and impartial review.

The post Swan-sational! appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Fantasy Man vibrators (The Fireman, The Millionaire, The Tennis Coach, The Frenchman)
From: Smile Makers
Price:  €39.95
Material(s): silicone
Reviewer: Jane

Every so often, I do Alert Me posts, which are basically round-ups of – unrelated – news stories I’ve come across during my travels about the Interweb. Sometimes they’re about sex toys, sometimes about erotica, sometimes about eBooks. Occasionally, they’re about completely random things that have simply taken my fancy.

Anyhow, back in December I wrote an Alert Me that included an article about some new Fantasy Man vibrators from a company called Smile Makers. Basically, they’re vibes based on the stereotypical hunks of romance: The Millionaire, The Fireman, The Frenchman, The Tennis Coach.

Well, Smile Makers saw the post I did and a week or so later got in touch to ask whether I’d like to review them. To which the answer was, of course, ‘Oh, yes!’.

What did I think of this quartet of romance-novel inspired manliness? Well …

The packaging

Love it! The stylised images of the vibrators on the boxes are really different and fun, leaps and bounds beyond most of the sex toy packaging you see for products in the sub £50.00 price range. The back-of-box copy is particularly hilarious; each Fantasy Man has his own personal ‘bio’, written in Mills & Boon-esque prose, that cannot fail to bring a smile to your face:

Per The Frenchman:

‘Who knows what he’s saying, but does it matter? This sexy linguist has got you locked in this gaze and soon you’ll be delightfully fluent in his native tongue. So make yourself comfortable, mademoiselle, because when it comes to passion this master’s going to give you an education.’

Phwoar!

The only thing I would say is that the construction material isn’t listed on the exterior packaging. If you were picking a Smile Maker up off the shelf – rather than buying one online – you wouldn’t know it was made of silicone.

The vibrators themselves

Getting them out of their boxes, I was immediately struck by their size. I couldn’t find any dimensions on the Smile Makers website, www.comeplaywithus.com, and they were a lot smaller than I thought they would be.

Each Smile Makers Fantasy Man is just under six inches in length, with a main shaft diameter that’s fractionally shy of an inch. The Frenchman and Fireman, however, both reach 1.6 inches at their widest points. (Before you let that measurement scare the bejeezus out of you keep in mind that both of these fellas are supposed to be used externally rather than internally.) They all run off a single triple AAA battery and are waterproof, too, so you can take them into the shower or bath without any worries.

The Fantasy Men have all been designed to do slightly different things: The Fireman to be rubbed across the vulva (his ‘nose’ is used to stimulate the clitoris); the Frenchman to be used like a tongue on your outer bits; the Tennis Coach to stimulate the G-Spot; and the Millionaire to multi-task (he’s a basically a large bullet).

Shape-wise, I thought the Frenchman, the Millionaire and the Fireman were great. The Frenchman, in particular, was extremely flexible and I think he was probably the hunky standout from an ergonomic perspective. (Looking at him online I was a bit unsure, but in person? I liked him a lot.)

The Tennis Coach I had more trouble with. Because of the short stem, it was difficult to hold and angle him to hit the G-Spot. I tried with a partner and without and we both struggled to get a good angle and maintain a decent grip. Trying to get the Tennis Coach in the right place also meant that the shaft of the vibrator very quickly became slippery and thus more and more tricky to hold on to.

Volume levels?

Excellent. These are probably some of the quietest vibrators I’ve used.

Power

For me, personally, the Smile Makers weren’t strong enough. By which I mean that I wasn’t able to use them and achieve an orgasm without additional stimulation, e.g. hands, fingers, etc. That said, the Fantasy Men have been specifically designed for first-timers looking for gentler vibrations. In other words, if you’re particularly sensitive, have never bought a sex toy before, or the idea of a bigger, more powerful vibrator scares you, these would likely be a good choice.

In summary

I love the Smile Makers branding, packaging and aesthetics and, with the exception of the Tennis Coach, I think the designs are excellent. They’d make lovely, fun gifts for friends and partners, too. I don’t think they’ll satisfy those ‘old hands’ who like stronger vibrations, but if you’re after something quiet and gentle they’re definitely worth a look.

Tickle your fancy? You can buy a Fantasy Man by clicking on one of the links below:

• The Fireman
• The Frenchman
• The Millionaire
• The Tennis Coach

*Please note that the Smile Makers Fantasy Men vibrators were provided free of charge in exchange for a fair review.

The post Going to bed with a Fantasy Man appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

How could I not do a Valentine’s shot this week?

This pic is of the Evolved Silicone Bendable Rose Vibrator, which the very lovely Donna from Vibrator Kingdom sent me as a Valentine’s gift. (Donna, you rock. x) I’m so, so tempted to leave it in the vase for a day or two and see if anyone works out what it is …

A little game to end. Can anyone can tell me (without using Google or any other search engine!) the name of the author responsible for the quote ‘A rose is a rose is a rose’? The prize? Bragging rights and general kudos. And I promise to bow (virtually) to you. If you can name the book, too? I will actually prostrate myself.

Consider the gauntlet thrown down!

Who else is playing Toy with me Tuesday this week? Click here to find out.

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Some of you may have seen my post from Sunday commemorating my ex-colleague and friend, Steve, who passed away last week as a result of cancer. Needless to say, it was a very sad and emotional weekend.

But, thanks to a package that arrived at my door, I finally managed to crack a much-needed grin. Four Smile Makers fantasy man vibrators rode to my rescue, their cuteness and hilarious on-pack copy sending me into a much-needed fit of giggles.

This fine gentleman is The Millionaire. He’s ‘a collector of the finer things in life’ and I am ‘his favourite plaything of all’.

Awesome!

Want to see more Toy with me Tuesday pics? Of course you do! Check out who else is playing this week by clicking here.

The post Toy with me Tuesday: The Millionaire appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Image: Evolved Bendable Silicone Rose Vibrator, courtesy of Vibrator Kingdom

A Hallmark card with a schmaltzy message. Flowers. Chocolate. Jewellery.

Yawn.

I’m in two minds about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, I think it’s great to tell and show your partner that you love and appreciate them. On the other, I’m not that keen on being railroaded into buying a load of sentimental tat for a day that has, over the years, become less about romance and more about commerce.

The numbers are staggering. According to History.com, men, on average, open their wallets to the tune of USD $150.00. Women? USD $75.00. The amount of chocolate sold? 58 million pounds worth. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a look at this Valentine’s Day by the numbers meme they put together.

What a long, long way from Lupercalia – the Roman pagan festival many believe to be the origin of the modern Valentine’s Day celebrations – we’ve come. No blatant nudity or gentle flogging with thongs these days (more’s the pity). Just lots of cardboard, slowly wilting vegetation, sugar, and hearts on chains.

My proposal for this Valentine’s Day? Don’t go crazy on the cash. Keep the fun, sex, and debauchery of the original Lupercalian festival (sans the animal sacrifices) front and centre.

No idea where to begin looking for a lusty present? Some ‘starters for ten’ …

An alternative to red roses …

Evolved Bendable Silicone Rose Vibrator (see image above)
Price: £24.99
From: Vibrator Kingdom

Induces orgasms and doesn’t need watering or throwing out after a week. Now that’s a flower I’d like to receive …

One for the historians …

Luxury Suede Flogger Whip
Price: £21.99
From: Bondara

In keeping with the Lupercalian festival tradition of gently flogging your woman … (And it’s red! So it’s on-theme!)

Image: Luxury Suede Flogger Whip, courtesy of Bondara

For romantics and role-players …

I am Mr Darcy t-shirt
Price: £25.00
From: The Jane Austen Centre

‘In vain I have struggled, it will not do. My feelings will not be repressed – you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.’

– Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen.

My, God, but I love Mr Darcy. I think it’s the breeches. And maybe the riding crop …

An alternative to a heart …

Rocks-Off ‘The Lick’ silicone vibrator
Price: £19.99 (approx.)
From: Adult Sensations (Canada) | Amazon.com | Lovehoney U.K. | Rock-Chick

We all know that hearts say ‘I love you’, but I would assert that tongues do, too – both literally and figuratively!

Image: Rocks-Off ‘The Lick’ silicone vibrator, courtesy of Rocks-Off

For lovers of jewellery …

njoy Pure Medium Stainless Steel Butt Plug
Price: £37.00 – £70.00 (depending on retailer)
From: Amazon.com | Lovehoney

Necklaces, rings and bracelets … Boring. Go below the waist and decorate a loved one’s bottom with this gorgeous stainless steel njoy plug. It even comes in a jewellery box – how perfect is that? (I haven’t tried one of these myself but know others who have and they rave about their weight and design.)

For word worms …

Goolnick Erotic Fridge Magnet Poetry Set
Price: £12.85
From: Amazon.co.uk | Amazon.com

Magnetic dirty talk. Bawdy poems. Lascivious lists. Deviant instructions. So many possibilities … How nice would it be to come home and find a a mischievous message or dirty ditty on the fridge? (Provided you don’t have small people around who can read, of course!)

However you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t forget to tell your other half-that you love them. In the words of one of my all-time favourite erotica writers, Anaïs Nin:

‘Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.’

The post Now that’s a Valentine’s gift … appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Hello Touch May Be the Best Sex Toy Ever Invented
Source: Gizmondo

Behold. A tens machine for your hands.

I think most of us would agree that our fingers are one of the most satisfying masturbatory tools at our disposal. Something that hasn’t gone un-noticed by luxury sex toy brand Jimmyjane, who have taken the humble digit and turned it into a vibrator.

Looking at the pictures in this article, I have to say that, visually, the Hello Touch doesn’t do a lot for me (it looks a bit medical) but I do like fingers to play a significant role in sex, so I’m willing to be convinced.

Having had a quick look around, it doesn’t seem that any of the big toy retailers have the Hello Touch in stock yet, but if you’re absolutely desperate to get your hands on one immediately, you can purchase directly from Jimmyjane for USD $65.00.

NB: article author, Jesus Diaz, hits the nail on the head regarding the iPod style product shots; not sure that we can expect U2 and Lenny Kravitz to be fronting the ad campaign any time soon, though.

A Brit of what you fancy
Source: The Sun

I tweeted about this article earlier in the week, so some of you may have seen it already, but the gist of it is:

• Midlanders like to have sex outside (clearly, the British weather is no barrier to arousal);
• Londoners like to read smut (don’t we all).
• The V&A has some interesting CCTV footage (somewhere, a security guy is watching an intriguing security tape).

Worth reading for the pun-licious strapline, which includes the brilliant terms ‘Land’s End Away’ and ‘John O’Gropes’, if nothing else.

Eroticon schedule
Source: www.writesexright.com

The Eroticon schedule for 2013 has now been published.

Taking place in London on Saturday 2 March and Sunday 3 March, this conference brings together sex writers and bloggers from the U.K. and abroad, and is a great way to learn something new and network with other like-minded individuals.

I’m particularly excited to see the following people on the ‘speaker’ list: sex blogger Molly Moore (NSFW), who I think is just fabulous; erotica writer and editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel; and the creator of Toy with me Tuesday, Nymphomaniac Ness.

Tickets are available for one or both days and can be bought from the Eroticon 2013 Website.

The post Alert Me: turning your fingers into vibrators, sexy Midlanders, and Eroticon 2013 appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.