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Prompt #111: Masturbation Fodder

(Second related theme : selfies)

You take a pic. You angle it for your best assets to show. You write a short piece. It’s hot sweaty sticky and delicious. You make these public, you share. Do you care what the viewer or reader does with them? Does it turn you on to know that you stimulate? Do they ask you for permission bringing you into their pleasure? Does it humiliate you to be reduced to their masturbation fodder, you a merely specimen of the species?

Conversely, that picture, the light, the angles, something’s clicks. The words, the ideas, the movement of the story. Your body reacts. You save it for later. You know why. A private movement and moment. Do you value it less for it’s immediate function? Is it art or literature when you masturbate over it? Are they human or porn in that moment of pleasure? Do you read the words or stare intently at the picture, or use it just to get you going? Do you return to favourite pieces?

Sorry, folks. I know my header clip is beyond obvious but I adore this Divinyls song – excellent memories of dancing about to it at university with a dildo and a whole bunch of other girls for the visual pleasure of a single guy (long story) – and just couldn’t stop myself from including it here.

Before I start babbling, can I just say that this is a bloody awesome Wicked Wednesday prompt by @tigger_sub. It made me realise that in the entire two years of blogging here on Chintz that I’ve never done a post on masturbation, which is both extremely shameful (not the act of masturbation, the fact that I haven’t written anything about it) and incredibly ironic considering that of all the sexual acts I enjoy and partake in, it’s the one I engage in most frequently.

Before I get to the crux of Tigger’s prompt, a little background …

I stumbled upon this rather delicious form of sex at a relatively young age and quite by accident. I used to ride a lot as a child and although it’s something of a cliché, I invariably discovered that when I sat astride a pony and my bottom was connecting with the saddle in a certain way (generally at a walk) something bloody amazing happened:

I got this incredible feeling between my legs.

A feeling that, provided I maintained whatever friction and rhythm I had going on against the tack, invariably spread over my whole body before peaking and leaving me feeling unbelievably good. Cataclysmically good … although on occasion pursuing it almost made me fall sideways off my horse. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to work out that I could recreate this very moreish sensation with my fingers, and the rest, as they say, is history. Continue reading

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Till We Meet Again

The weekend before last, I went to a fete in a small village not far from where I live. It was a typically English affair; loads of families with dogs, stalls groaning with plants, tables laden with household bric-a-brac (mismatched teacups, weird porcelain figures and squat glassware), cottage industry craftsmen and women selling handmade jewellery, soaps and cheeses. I had a great time wandering about chatting to people I knew, eating ice cream and watching the various entertainers perform, including a rather fabulous fire juggler. But the best thing about that fete for me? The attraction that held me for absolutely ages? The stand filled with used books.

Secondhand bookshops and stalls, to me, are the most seductive of creatures. I spot one and it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll not get a coherent sentence or any sort of conversation out of me until I’ve picked through every rack, box and shelf at least twice – and then a third time to make sure I’ve not missed out on something marvellous that’s been hiding in plain sight. Needless to say, I walked away from that fete with a bagful of paper treasures and, of all things, ‘browsing sunburn’. (Yep, the great golden orb was actually out that day. Virtually unheard of in Britain because if there’s one thing you can count on in this country, it’s that any outdoor event you host or attend will be drizzled, rained and poured upon.)

What did I buy? A load of children’s books, including a vintage copy of Stig of the Dump, and a very tatty but lovely interpretation of Jack and the Beanstalk. The pre-loved gem that pleased me most, though? A dog-eared copy of Judith Krantz’s Till We Meet Again.

What?! I hear you say. Eighties bonk-buster trash? Jane! How could you? Continue reading