Tag: romance

25

Flat-chested heroines

See Jane ScoreYou have fifteen seconds to name a fictional heroine who doesn’t have an amazing rack. And your time starts … now!

[Magic blog time-lapse technology]

Couldn’t do it? Eh, don’t sweat it. Seems they’re in pretty short supply.

I am flat-chested. And when I say ‘flat chested’, I don’t mean small hillock, gala apple, or half an orange. I mean like a blackboard. Little House on the Prairie flat. As a teenager, it used to bother me a lot. All the girls around me wore bras, filled out their tops and generally had the whole womanly shape thing going on. Me? Let’s just say there wasn’t (and still isn’t) much between me and an ironing board.

These days I’m perfectly fine with my flatness but there’s no denying that, as a society, we’re pretty damn obsessed with breasts. And, as far as the media is concerned, if you’re not sporting a pair of perfectly-shaped D cups then you might as well pack up and go home. Much to my dismay, however, it seems that the big-breasted ideal has set up shop and commenced trading in a lot of romantic and erotic fiction, too. Continue reading →

07

Sexy on a Budget: freebies and discounts

Reading is an expensive hobby. A romance here, an erotica there … If you have  bit of a book addiction, like me, the costs soon add up. And that evil thing, the eReader, doesn’t exactly help. I can’t tell you how many times something shiny has caught my eye in an online bookstore – something I had no intention of reading – and I’ve subsequently found myself stabbing merrily away at the ‘download now’ button.

Similarly, keeping the toy box interesting can leave a pretty serious ding in the old bank account. I don’t tend to buy vibrators and dildos at the same rate I buy books (I doubt I’d be able to stand upright if I did!) but, even so, the good stuff is never particularly cheap.

So in the spirit of preventing whacking great reading bills and giving you frugal orgasms, I thought I’d compile a list of current deals and freebies. I’m going to try and do this every Friday, if I can – so if you fancy a little something for the weekend you’ll (hopefully!) be able to find a book or toy that won’t break the budget.

 

FREE EBOOKS

*Please note that all of the below were free at the time of this post’s publication but pricing can change at any time. To that end, please double-check that the prices are still at zero before you start downloading. Continue reading →

04

This Is Who I Am – Cherise Sinclair

This Is Who I Am - Cherise SinclairTitle: This Is Who I Am (Shadowlands Book 7)
Author: Cherise Sinclair
Publisher: Loose Id LLC (27 May 2013)
ISBN: 978-1-62300-148-3
Reviewer(s): Michael & Jane

 

This joint review was a no-brainer for us. Michael and I are both big fans of Cherise Sinclair and it’s fair to say that we were both gagging to read this latest instalment in her Shadowlands series. When I suggested to him that This Is Who I Am should be our next project?

 

@Jane: I have been looking forward to that book for over a year:

‘”I won’t scar you. I won’t go past when you can take. If you can trust me that far, this will be much easier for you.” He met her eyes straight on, letting her read his body, hear the truth, and see it in his face. “But, Linda, I’m going to hurt you. You’ll hate me when I make you take it, and you’ll hate even more that you need it. That it fills that hole inside you and cleans away the clutter.”‘

(To Command and Collar (Shadowlands Book 6))

 

@Michael: CANNOT WAIT for Sam. And DeVries from Dark Haven. They both scare and tempt at the same time … *sigh*

 

Yep, we were pushing the download button on release day.

Did it live up to our expectations? Continue reading →

13

My Life in Books (Part One)

Till We Meet Again

The weekend before last, I went to a fete in a small village not far from where I live. It was a typically English affair; loads of families with dogs, stalls groaning with plants, tables laden with household bric-a-brac (mismatched teacups, weird porcelain figures and squat glassware), cottage industry craftsmen and women selling handmade jewellery, soaps and cheeses. I had a great time wandering about chatting to people I knew, eating ice cream and watching the various entertainers perform, including a rather fabulous fire juggler. But the best thing about that fete for me? The attraction that held me for absolutely ages? The stand filled with used books.

Secondhand bookshops and stalls, to me, are the most seductive of creatures. I spot one and it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll not get a coherent sentence or any sort of conversation out of me until I’ve picked through every rack, box and shelf at least twice – and then a third time to make sure I’ve not missed out on something marvellous that’s been hiding in plain sight. Needless to say, I walked away from that fete with a bagful of paper treasures and, of all things, ‘browsing sunburn’. (Yep, the great golden orb was actually out that day. Virtually unheard of in Britain because if there’s one thing you can count on in this country, it’s that any outdoor event you host or attend will be drizzled, rained and poured upon.)

What did I buy? A load of children’s books, including a vintage copy of Stig of the Dump, and a very tatty but lovely interpretation of Jack and the Beanstalk. The pre-loved gem that pleased me most, though? A dog-eared copy of Judith Krantz’s Till We Meet Again.

What?! I hear you say. Eighties bonk-buster trash? Jane! How could you? Continue reading →

02

Alert Me: BDSM meets My Little Pony, the oldest romantic, and kinky cake

In today’s Alert Me, themed BDSM implements, a totally groovy granny, and some very interesting cake decorations …

 

Star Wars BDSM toys from a kinky galaxy far, far away
Source: io9.com

Attention kinky sci-fi fans! Tying up getting a bit terrestrial? Need some fantasy to go with your fetish? Well, go and check out Geek Kink’s incredibly interesting little shop on Etsy. Sith-inspired paddles. Darth Vader lightsabre floggers … Everything you need, really, to go to the Dark Side. No Princess Leia in chains though; you may have to supply her yourself. And if Star Wars isn’t your bag, panic not. You can always go for a Super Mario cane or a My Little Pony paddle (!).

NB: ten points to Geek Kink for his shop tag line: ‘These are the toys you’re looking for’.

 

The oldest romance writer in the world
Source: The New Zealand Herald

I really enjoyed reading this article about 105-year-old Ida Pollock who is, apparently, the oldest living romance writer in the world. Go her. But the thing I liked even more? The accompanying YouTube clip. Cracked me up no end. There’s an incredibly entertaining discourse about the merits of French, Austrian and English heroes. And very emphatic use of the word ‘What?!’ by Ida every so often. Sweet and hilarious all at the same time.

 

James Franco Gets Sex-Toy Birthday Cake and an Award at Miami LGBT Film Festival
Source: E! Online U.K.

 

‘I’d like a piece with the ball gag on it, please.’

 

A strap-on. A ball gag. Anal beads. A flogger. Nope, I’m not talking about sex toys (well, not real ones) but the decorations on actor James Franco’s birthday cake. The sort that aren’t likely available in the baking aisle at Sainsbury’s. You can just imagine everyone eating a slice of this beauty after the candles have been blown out, can’t you? (‘Try the strap-on. It’s delicious!’) I’m not sure I’d be able to get my head around eating anal beads, though – even if they were made of sugar! :-/

 

26

Breaking the Rules, Bloom – Kate Belle

Breaking the Rules, BloomTitle(s): Breaking the Rules, Bloom (Master of Love)
Author: Kate Belle
Publisher: Random House Australia (02 January 2013)
ISBN(s): Breaking the Rules – 9781742758343; Bloom – 9781742758350
Reviewer(s): Michael & Jane

 

Take three!

In our third joint-review outing, Michael and I debate the motivations of the supremely debonair Ramon from Kate Belle’s Master of Love series. I suspect he and Sting have been hanging out together a fair bit; Michael’s trying to decide how he’d look with a pair of Eros wings.

Now, if someone would just lend us the Sorting Hat …

 

MICHAEL’S TAKE

What can I say about Ramon Mendez?

Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. He’s working on a Ph.D. in Women’s Sexuality – only he isn’t a woman. He puts ladies through a real workout – without them even taking off their clothes.

And Dude’s a Rule Breaker. If he wants to be with a woman, he finds a way. It doesn’t matter if she is in a position of authority over him, like his College Adviser, or one of his students in a mid-morning fitness class. If he sees something he likes, he doesn’t hesitate. Continue reading →

04

Mutual Release (Stewart Realty) – Liz Crowe

Mutual ReleaseTitle: Mutual Release
Author: Liz Crowe
Publisher: Tri Destiny Publishing
ISBN: 9780985991180
Reviewer: Jane

Romance for Real Life.

That’s the proposition for Liz Crowe’s latest book in her Stewart Realty series, Mutual Release. In fact, that’s the proposition for all her books. According to a press release from Liz’s publisher:

 

“My characters are real. They have flaws, quirks, and a multi-layered histories that motivate them. They could be your best friend. Or the girl in your office that drives you crazy. Maybe my readers even sees [sic] a little of themselves in my characters. Whoever you see, you will identify with the characters and their lives.”

 

So what does that mean, exactly? Characters who aren’t filthy rich? Who argue about mundane things? Who shop at Primark or GAP because they’re on a budget? Who forget to put the rubbish out for the dustman and spend the next seven days trying to jam bags into an overflowing bin? Who don’t automatically know how to get each other off the first time they have sex?

Er, no. Continue reading →

28

Rush (The Breathless Trilogy) – Maya Banks

Rush - Maya BanksTitle: Rush
Author: Maya Banks
Publisher: Berkley Trade (05 February 2013)
ISBN: 978-0425267042
Reviewer(s): Michael and Jane

Prepare yourselves. Michael and I decided to read and review Rush in tandem. And let’s just say that we had, er, pretty strong reactions to it. Warning: it’s a general winter of discontent below the fold and we only just refrained from using SHOUTY CAPITALS in our respective reviews. Buckle up.

 

MICHAEL’S TAKE …

First off, let me say this. Maya Banks has been doing this for a while now. I don’t really think this is her version of Fifty Shades of Grey despite the fact that it did sort of feel that way. (Oh, and if you don’t want spoilers, don’t read this because this is a fully-fledged rant.) Having said that, she has accomplished something I wouldn’t have thought possible: created a male lead in Gabe Hamilton that makes Christian Grey and Gideon Cross (Bared to You) look like normal, well-adjusted, thoughtful young men. Continue reading →

06

Alert Me: The sex scene workout, Kink goes to Sundance, and ebook sampling

Video clips galore, reading to lose weight, and the power of the free ebook excerpt. Consider yourselves alerted.

 

Romance Novel Reader Workout III
Source: Smart Bitches Trashy Books

Read sex scenes and lose weight!

Oh dear, God, but this idea is brilliant. I came across the Romance Novel Reader Workout III post via the @SmartBitches Twitter feed and it made me grin from ear-to-ear. The premise? Every time a romance novel cliché  is mentioned, you do a specific sort of exercise. Genius. Although I was really confused about what a ‘V-up’ was. Turns out, it’s a type of stomach crunch invented by the Devil himself. Smart Bitch Sarah was kind enough to send me a clip of what one actually entailed:

 

 

Yeah, I really hope I don’t come across any penises likened to ‘velvet’, ‘silk’ or ‘steel’ in the next few books I read. My torso will be in a state of paralysis.

To date, the Smart Bitches have devised three Romance Novel Reader Workouts – you can find the previous two here and here – so you’ll have plenty of different exercises to try out as you come across virgin heroines and fruit-like nipples. Continue reading →

24

Anal sex on horseback – is it possible?

Sam's Creed - Sarah McCartyI’ll rephrase that. Anal sex on horseback – is it possible while escaping men with guns, not falling off said steed and/or giving yourself a serious rectal injury?

Let me assure you, this is no idle thought. I’ve recently been reading Sarah McCarty’s erotic romance Sam’s Creed, and have spent waaaay too much time trying to get my head around the logistics of the sexquestrianism described in this book.

Yes, yes, I know it’s an erotic romance and therefore a work of fantasy, but when you actually have to stop mid-sentence and draw a diagram to help you work out what the hell the characters are doing to each other, then you know you’ve got issues. (Well, either I do or the book does – I can’t quite decide which.) Continue reading →