Tag: Parody

19

Squirm: Cari Silverwood talks inches, virgins, billionaires and tentacles

Squirm - Cari SilverwoodBored with the same old billionaire bikers? Tired of erotic romance heroes who only have nine-inch penises? Not enough grease in your Chanel No. 5? Then you need …

[Cue voice of Brian Butterfield] …

CARI SILVERWOOD’S NEW EROTIC ROMANCE PARODY, SQUIRM! 

Every erotic romance you’ve ever read over the past two years rolled into one handy novella. Horny virgin? Check. Fifty shades of Charlie Hunnam? Check. An enormous penis – I mean tentacle – that just won’t stop poking? Check.

 

Cue interview …

JANE: Does eau de biker have a two-stroke top note and can I buy it from Selfridges or John Lewis?

CARI: I hope you appreciate how much Googling I had to do for this – I’d heard of Selfridges though. To let the US and rest-of-the-world readers in on this, think Target and Walmart with a smidge more class.

I think two-stroke would be a wonderful way to describe this sought after perfume. Although the exact ingredients are a closely held secret by all motorcycle clubs, there’s definitely a base of petrol/gasoline along with the other obvious ingredients like beer, grease, and pizza leftovers.

I doubt you can buy it at Selfridges/Walmart due to the price being the blood of an untamed virgin … or the kiss of one. My inner voice just yelled at me that blood is too icky for a humorous story about a tentacle monster ravaging a virgin. Let’s stick with kiss. Continue reading →

18

Interview: Sheri Savill – Bound for Disappointment or untold fame and glory?

Today, I have the great pleasure of welcoming the fabulously funny Sheri Savill behind my very chintzy curtains because, lo! She hath just written a BDSM erotica parody by the name of Bound for Disappointment (a.k.a BFD) and, in the past few days, set said satirical masterpiece afloat upon the waters of the Mighty River Zon, unleashed it within the Noble Barn. What better time to pull her into my floral den and force her to answer serious questions about her latest release?

Prepare yourselves. This could get a little messy.

—————————————————————-

Bound for DisappointmentJane: Welcome, Ms Savill! It is an honour to have you here in my erotic Laura Ashley-stroke-Cath Kidston paradise. First of all, why don’t you give us a brief run down on YOU. Who is Sheri, really, and what is she about? What does she spread on her toast in the morning? Does she take milk in her coffee? Does she pay her electricity bill on time?

Sheri: Greetings Jane! And if I may, just a quick hello to the last of your readers as they rush for the doors. So glad to be here! At last! I’m Behind the Chintz Curtain. And may I say it is every bit as lovely as I had suspected it would be. The pictures do NOT do it justice. I expected nice, but this is really elegant. And thank you for setting out the cheesy poofs for me. A most thoughtful gesture.

Jane: Let’s begin our Bound for Disappointment discussion by talking a little bit about Tara Febreze, the book’s intrepid erotic author heroine. What – or who – inspired her creation and could you tell us a little more about the etymology of her name? It has a very French feel to it and I am curious as to whether you may have been influenced by the great Anne Desclos of Story of O fame.

Sheri: Very perceptive of you Jane, to notice the literary influences as to Tara’s name. Yes, the name conjures cheap French perfume and odour-masking aerosols. The name Tara … I was thinking of Scarlett O’Hara’s plantation and of course Scarlett wore corsets. See how it all connects so cleverly? So well-crafted, isn’t it? Or, maybe I just got up one morning and, before I’d had that first life-giving slug of espresso, let out a breathy sigh and said to myself, “Hmm. Name for character. Let’s see. How ’bout Tara? Febreze? Yeah, good a name as any. Clackety-clack.” Oh no! Trade secrets given away here on Chintz Curtain. Redact! Continue reading →

10

Alert Me: Amazon becomes Mary Whitehouse, Fifty Shades on Broadway, and an antique sex manual

The first Alert Me for 2013 is a bit of an eclectic mix. In this edition we’ve got censorship, parody erotic musicals, and a 17th Century sex manual …

 

Amazon in the Book Banning Business
Source: Selena Kitt, The Self Publishing Revolution

Over the past month or so, a number of authors and readers I’m in contact with via various online book community groups have noticed that Amazon has begun to censor erotica texts. Yes, increasingly, the online retail giant is deciding which saucy books we can and can’t read.

Whilst Amazon’s Direct Publishing service is booming (everyone wants to be the new E.L. James) a growing number of erotica authors are finding that their books are being removed from the sale for violating ‘content guidelines’.

‘Well,’ I hear you say. ‘Stick to the guidelines and there won’t be a problem.’

If only it were that simple. Per the Amazon website: Continue reading →

28

Alert Me: poultry bondage, Spotify for eBooks, and horny Canadians

In this week’s Alert Me: BDSM with chicken (no, I’m not making that up), a new eBook subscription service, and a sudden surge in Canadian sex toy sales.

 

Fifty Shades of Chicken
Source: http://www.fiftyshadesofchicken.com/

 

‘Pro-tip: Spatchcocked or trussed? Depends on how sarcastic your chicken has been.’

 

Thanks to author Andrew Shaffer (@andrewtshaffer), I am now following erotic poultry on Twitter (@50ShadesChicken) and considering buying a BDSM chicken cookbook. Clearly, I’m plucked. Continue reading →

28

Sheds, Shelves and Shame: the best of the Fifty Shades parodies

‘Reader, I buggered him.’

 

Talk about an alternative ending to a classic. I never imagined Jane Eyre as a Domme, but now I can’t stop thinking about her pegging Mr Rochester.

 

It isn’t easy to write a good parody; limp jokes and tawdry puns abound – and many are about as entertaining as watching cement set – but in this post-Fifty Shades world, they’re being churned out left, right and centre as people try to cash in on the badly-written-BDSM-erotica revolution. Standing tall amidst the forest of downloadable dross, however, are three works of comedy that are absolute masterclasses in how to take the mick out of awful prose. Shenanigans with Thousand Island dressing, rimming the Black Gate of Mordor, and romantic nights at the Holiday Inn: will Fifty Sheds of Grey, Fifty Shelves of Grey and Fifty Shames of Earl Grey please stand up? Continue reading →