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In today’s Alert Me, themed BDSM implements, a totally groovy granny, and some very interesting cake decorations …

 

Star Wars BDSM toys from a kinky galaxy far, far away
Source: io9.com

Attention kinky sci-fi fans! Tying up getting a bit terrestrial? Need some fantasy to go with your fetish? Well, go and check out Geek Kink’s incredibly interesting little shop on Etsy. Sith-inspired paddles. Darth Vader lightsabre floggers … Everything you need, really, to go to the Dark Side. No Princess Leia in chains though; you may have to supply her yourself. And if Star Wars isn’t your bag, panic not. You can always go for a Super Mario cane or a My Little Pony paddle (!).

NB: ten points to Geek Kink for his shop tag line: ‘These are the toys you’re looking for’.

 

The oldest romance writer in the world
Source: The New Zealand Herald

I really enjoyed reading this article about 105-year-old Ida Pollock who is, apparently, the oldest living romance writer in the world. Go her. But the thing I liked even more? The accompanying YouTube clip. Cracked me up no end. There’s an incredibly entertaining discourse about the merits of French, Austrian and English heroes. And very emphatic use of the word ‘What?!’ by Ida every so often. Sweet and hilarious all at the same time.

 

James Franco Gets Sex-Toy Birthday Cake and an Award at Miami LGBT Film Festival
Source: E! Online U.K.

 

‘I’d like a piece with the ball gag on it, please.’

 

A strap-on. A ball gag. Anal beads. A flogger. Nope, I’m not talking about sex toys (well, not real ones) but the decorations on actor James Franco’s birthday cake. The sort that aren’t likely available in the baking aisle at Sainsbury’s. You can just imagine everyone eating a slice of this beauty after the candles have been blown out, can’t you? (‘Try the strap-on. It’s delicious!’) I’m not sure I’d be able to get my head around eating anal beads, though – even if they were made of sugar! :-/

 

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Image: Evolved Bendable Silicone Rose Vibrator, courtesy of Vibrator Kingdom

A Hallmark card with a schmaltzy message. Flowers. Chocolate. Jewellery.

Yawn.

I’m in two minds about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, I think it’s great to tell and show your partner that you love and appreciate them. On the other, I’m not that keen on being railroaded into buying a load of sentimental tat for a day that has, over the years, become less about romance and more about commerce.

The numbers are staggering. According to History.com, men, on average, open their wallets to the tune of USD $150.00. Women? USD $75.00. The amount of chocolate sold? 58 million pounds worth. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a look at this Valentine’s Day by the numbers meme they put together.

What a long, long way from Lupercalia – the Roman pagan festival many believe to be the origin of the modern Valentine’s Day celebrations – we’ve come. No blatant nudity or gentle flogging with thongs these days (more’s the pity). Just lots of cardboard, slowly wilting vegetation, sugar, and hearts on chains.

My proposal for this Valentine’s Day? Don’t go crazy on the cash. Keep the fun, sex, and debauchery of the original Lupercalian festival (sans the animal sacrifices) front and centre.

No idea where to begin looking for a lusty present? Some ‘starters for ten’ … Continue reading