Tag: Fifty Shades of Grey

22

I do not get turned on by legal jargon

This post is a bit of an impromptu one, provoked by an email conversation that Michael and I had yesterday.

He’d just started reading a new BDSM-themed erotica (which shall remain nameless) and made the fatal mistake of giving me an overview of the first chapter. All was going well until he mentioned the dreaded word ‘contract’, at which point he found himself engulfed in a storm of virtual babble – okay, ranting – that probably made him extremely thankful that we live in different countries and therefore ensured he didn’t have to listen to it in person (sorry, Michael):

 

‘Wow, that’s a lot of information in a single chapter! But do you know what my eye went straight to? The mention of another bloody contract! Contracts, contracts, contracts! If one more author writes about a contract I am going to … Well, I don’t know what, but it will likely involve a judge’s gavel being used on the offending book in the same manner that Basil Fawlty uses that tree branch on his car.’

 

Continue reading →

04

Alert Me: E.L. James a pseudonym for the Pope(?), ‘used’ ebooks, and sex toys in airports

In today’s Alert Me: Sixty-Two Shades of Papacy, Amazon’s ‘second-hand’ eBooks patent, and creepy sex toy security.

 

Who Said It: The Pope or Fifty Shades of Grey?
Source: Hollywood (Beta)

Who knew that Pope Benedict XVI and E.L. James had so much in common? As Aly Semigran points out in this article, the former’s new sixty-two page digital scrapbook features names and passages that are spookily similar to the great grey monolith.

We jokingly speculated during Remittance Girl’s Eroticon 2013 Creative Writing seminar that our conference was the final straw for the Pope, our debauchery the reason for him quitting his post (the chatter even spawned the awesome @HuggyPope Twitter account). But I’m beginning to think we were onto something. Except perhaps he’s, you know, really left to pursue his burgeoning erotic writing career under the pen name ‘E.L. James’ … Continue reading →

28

Rush (The Breathless Trilogy) – Maya Banks

Rush - Maya BanksTitle: Rush
Author: Maya Banks
Publisher: Berkley Trade (05 February 2013)
ISBN: 978-0425267042
Reviewer(s): Michael and Jane

Prepare yourselves. Michael and I decided to read and review Rush in tandem. And let’s just say that we had, er, pretty strong reactions to it. Warning: it’s a general winter of discontent below the fold and we only just refrained from using SHOUTY CAPITALS in our respective reviews. Buckle up.

 

MICHAEL’S TAKE …

First off, let me say this. Maya Banks has been doing this for a while now. I don’t really think this is her version of Fifty Shades of Grey despite the fact that it did sort of feel that way. (Oh, and if you don’t want spoilers, don’t read this because this is a fully-fledged rant.) Having said that, she has accomplished something I wouldn’t have thought possible: created a male lead in Gabe Hamilton that makes Christian Grey and Gideon Cross (Bared to You) look like normal, well-adjusted, thoughtful young men. Continue reading →

10

Alert Me: Amazon becomes Mary Whitehouse, Fifty Shades on Broadway, and an antique sex manual

The first Alert Me for 2013 is a bit of an eclectic mix. In this edition we’ve got censorship, parody erotic musicals, and a 17th Century sex manual …

 

Amazon in the Book Banning Business
Source: Selena Kitt, The Self Publishing Revolution

Over the past month or so, a number of authors and readers I’m in contact with via various online book community groups have noticed that Amazon has begun to censor erotica texts. Yes, increasingly, the online retail giant is deciding which saucy books we can and can’t read.

Whilst Amazon’s Direct Publishing service is booming (everyone wants to be the new E.L. James) a growing number of erotica authors are finding that their books are being removed from the sale for violating ‘content guidelines’.

‘Well,’ I hear you say. ‘Stick to the guidelines and there won’t be a problem.’

If only it were that simple. Per the Amazon website: Continue reading →

20

Alert Me: ‘Fantasy man’ vibrators, BDSM Barbie, and a teacher in trouble

In this last Alert Me for 2012, we have ‘dream man’ sex toys from Smile Makers, Barbie and Ken getting their kink on in Ottawa, Canada, and a school teacher under fire for writing erotica.

 

Conceptual Sex Toys: Smile Makers
Source: Trendland.com

The Fireman. The Millionaire. The Frenchman. The Tennis Coach.

No, these aren’t the titles of books from Mills & Boon. Rather, they’re the names of the four new Smile Makers vibrators on offer from conceptual design company Ramblin’ Brands. And when I say ‘conceptual’, they really, really are. I was completely puzzled as to how you might use The Frenchman and sat looking at him for quite some time before my OH came to the rescue. (One glance and he quickly identified that he’s supposed to be used like a tongue on your outer bits. Clearly, I’m in the slow group.)

I love the idea of vibrators based on the stereotypical ‘fantasy men’ – fun, amusing and very different. Aesthetically, I think the Smile Makers designs and colourways are extremely appealing, too, and I’ll definitely be adding them to the Chintz ‘to try’ list in the near future. In the meantime, I’m going to continue amusing myself with the Smile Makers Fantasy Man Generator, a hilarious little onsite game that lets you create your dream hunk from a cast of colourful characters and share him with your friends via social media. Loads of fun. (Be sure to click on Jungle Wayne in his tiger-striped underpants.) Continue reading →

07

Alert Me: No-Sign-of-Sadomasochism – The Boardgame!, Ann Summers on TV, and printing 3D sex toys

In this week’s Alert Me: Fifty Shades consumer products go not-so-wild, Ann Summers hits our screens, and sex toys from printers.

 

Fifty Shades of a bawdy board game
Source: Evening Standard

I actually have no words. A Fifty Shades of Grey boardgame with ‘Inner Goddess Tokens’ a ‘Red Room Expansion Pack’ and a non-disclosure agreement between the players and Christian Grey (otherwise know as the ‘Receiving Party’).

As someone who spent nearly a decade protecting the integrity of a rather high-profile brand that shall remain nameless, this kind of cash-in merchandising actually makes me feel slightly ill. Worse, if Susannah Butter’s article is anything to go by, those who fork over their hard-earned cash for this thing aren’t even going to be rewarded with anything particularly titillating or racy. Sample question:

 

“Which girlfriend would buy the best present for the man who had everything?”

 

No joke, I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. Really E.L. James? Really? Stick with Monopoly, people. I guarantee fighting over who gets to be the boot will be more fun. Continue reading →

28

Alert Me: poultry bondage, Spotify for eBooks, and horny Canadians

In this week’s Alert Me: BDSM with chicken (no, I’m not making that up), a new eBook subscription service, and a sudden surge in Canadian sex toy sales.

 

Fifty Shades of Chicken
Source: http://www.fiftyshadesofchicken.com/

 

‘Pro-tip: Spatchcocked or trussed? Depends on how sarcastic your chicken has been.’

 

Thanks to author Andrew Shaffer (@andrewtshaffer), I am now following erotic poultry on Twitter (@50ShadesChicken) and considering buying a BDSM chicken cookbook. Clearly, I’m plucked. Continue reading →

29

Black Lace erotic short story competition

Fancy yourself as an erotic author? Well, get your skates on. The deadline for entry into Black Lace’s short story competition is tomorrow, Tuesday 31 October. Judged by Black Lace authors Portia Da Costa and Kristina Lloyd, and the imprint’s editorial director, Gillian Green, the winning tale will be published as part of an erotic eBook collection.

I’ve long been a fan of Black Lace and was one of the many despondent readers who mourned the news that its list was to be put on ice back in 2009. Thankfully, Fifty Shades of Grey has changed the erotica landscape and Black Lace is well and truly back. (Hooray!) If you’ve not come across this publisher before, you can find most of their titles on Amazon. (Their Quickies collections are fabulous but there are plenty of full-length stories on offer, too.) Continue reading →

08

Lovehoney to release official range of Fifty Shades of Grey sex toys

Last week, U.K. sex toy retailer, Lovehoney, announced that they would be selling a range of sex toys developed in conjunction with Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James. (You may have seen the @ChintzCurtain tweets about it.) Per the Lovehoney website:

 

‘The Fifty Shades of Grey official collection is beautifully packaged, discreet and couple-friendly. Products are supplied with a luxurious, branded storage bag and each comes with suggestions for use and tips on introducing the toys into a relationship.’

 

Image: courtesy of Lovehoney

Yes, fans of the series will soon be able to buy ‘Inner Goddess – Silver Pleasure Balls’, ‘You. Are. Mine. – Metal Handcuffs’, a ‘Submit To Me – First Time Bondage Kit’, ‘All Mine – Deluxe Satin Blackout Mask’, the ‘Sweet Sting – Riding Crop’, and the ‘Twitchy Palm – Spanking Paddle’. Continue reading →