The idea of burning a book – any book – makes me physically cringe. And if we’re talking obscenity? Well, the below image pretty much sums it up for me.

Want to see who else is sinning (in no doubt far more sexy ways!)? Click on the banner below to find out.

The post Sinful Sunday: Obscenity appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Image: Christmas Fairy. (Me, wearing my halo, whilst sitting in a Pohutukawa – also known as the ‘New Zealand Christmas tree’.)

This Wicked Wednesday is an unapologetic, sentimental and festive ‘thank you’ – a big one! – to all the amazing people who have made my 2013 so happy and wonderful.

Bloggers, writers, readers, fellow kinksters … There are so many of you that I am pleased and proud to know (both online and in person), and who have been totally selfless in support of me and this little Chintzy corner of the Interweb these past twelve months. To that end, I’d like to embarrass a few of you by specifically calling out your awesomeness.

Firstly, Marie, who runs this fantastic meme and has always encouraged and given me the opportunity to participate in it.

The truly lovely and talented Tamsin Flowers. We met over a coffee table at this year’s London Eroticon, and I can honestly say she’s been one of life’s best chance encounters. (It’s not often you find a kindred spirit in smut-writing crime.) Not only that, she’s been a constant source of encouragement and patience. (Read: she’s put up with me even though I’ve been completely rubbish at delivering … well, anything useful to her these past six months.)

Michael, who I adore reviewing erotic books with and who never fails to keep me entertained with John Norman Gor analogies. That, and he doesn’t bat an eyelid at my over-the-top book rants.

Author Natasha Knight. All-round good person and willing to drink cocktails with me on Messenger whilst talking kink.  (I can type ‘nanl exs’ and she still knows what I mean.)

E, who has consistently gone above and beyond the call of duty to help me out with Sinful Sunday pictures (shielded my topless self from unexpected dog walkers in English fields, shooed neighbours away from the front door whilst I’ve lain half naked in her sitting room covered in glitter, etc., etc., etc.).

Molly and DomSigns, who have been nothing short of amazing with me and my other half, M. Thank you both for absolutely everything this past year. Your company, your advice, the excursions, and your friendship. I (we!) miss you guys.

And last but certainly not least, my family, who, without exception, have been unflinchingly supportive of my slightly left-of-centre life and blog – and aren’t afraid to own me and what I do. (Although in future, a certain brother might want to wait until his friends don’t have mouthfuls of crisps and beer before nonchalantly asking me ‘how my porn site is going’.)

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you all.

Jane
xxx

The post Wicked Wednesday: Glad Tidings appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

He’d just started reading a new BDSM-themed erotica (which shall remain nameless) and made the fatal mistake of giving me an overview of the first chapter. All was going well until he mentioned the dreaded word ‘contract’, at which point he found himself engulfed in a storm of virtual babble – okay, ranting – that probably made him extremely thankful that we live in different countries and therefore ensured he didn’t have to listen to it in person (sorry, Michael):

‘Wow, that’s a lot of information in a single chapter! But do you know what my eye went straight to? The mention of another bloody contract! Contracts, contracts, contracts! If one more author writes about a contract I am going to … Well, I don’t know what, but it will likely involve a judge’s gavel being used on the offending book in the same manner that Basil Fawlty uses that tree branch on his car.’

And just in case that last reference is a British ‘in’ joke (I’m not sure how many countries had Fawlty Towers), this is what I’m talking about:

Attention authors! I don’t want to read about legal documents! They don’t turn me on! You do not need one to convey that your characters are in a relationship that involves power exchange. Really. You don’t. Just as villains don’t need to be dressed in black in order to convey their ‘badness’ and heroes in ‘white’ to denote their ‘goodness’, people who engage in BDSM aren’t all running off willy-nilly to their lawyers and defining their relationships through legalese. And if I was that desperate to get off on legal jargon I’d visit the solicitor in my local village and get him to lend me a conveyancing agreement.

I WANT WELL-CRAFTED EROTICA – NOT PAGES OF CLAUSES.

My husband does not take me to bed and spout legal jargon to get me in the mood. Nor does he make me read the folder of deeds to our house.

I am not saying that contracts – not to be confused with limit lists and negotiation forms – don’t exist in power exchange relationships. I am sure they do and that they work perfectly well for those who draw them up. But having one is not mandatory and, as Molly Moore said so eloquently in her Myth Busting: the Submissive Woman seminar at Eroticon earlier this month, if they are used, they ‘are rarely a standard rent agreement’.

I think we all know who, or rather what, we have to blame for this bat-sh*t obsession with ‘erotic’ paperwork. Yes, That Book. That great, grey brick of a thing whose name I dare not speak, because, frankly, it’s becoming a little bit like Voldemort:

‘Who gave you that scar?’

‘E.L. bloody James with all her talk of legal agreements and protagonists who have to be ‘damaged’ to engage in BDSM, that’s who.’

If only I had an Elder Pen to wave – or perhaps an Unforgiveable Manuscript Curse to make all this silliness disappear. (What would that be called, I wonder? Editora Kedavra?)

Hmm. Maybe I should recreate the Basil Fawlty moment above with a copy of You-Know-What and a nice, long rattan can. If only my technical skills were up to the job and I could get over the idea of destroying a perfectly good book.

It’s tempting, though. Very, very tempting …

The post I do not get turned on by legal jargon appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.