[Cue voice of Brian Butterfield] …

CARI SILVERWOOD’S NEW EROTIC ROMANCE PARODY, SQUIRM! 

Every erotic romance you’ve ever read over the past two years rolled into one handy novella. Horny virgin? Check. Fifty shades of Charlie Hunnam? Check. An enormous penis – I mean tentacle – that just won’t stop poking? Check.

Cue interview …

JANE: Does eau de biker have a two-stroke top note and can I buy it from Selfridges or John Lewis?

CARI: I hope you appreciate how much Googling I had to do for this – I’d heard of Selfridges though. To let the US and rest-of-the-world readers in on this, think Target and Walmart with a smidge more class.

I think two-stroke would be a wonderful way to describe this sought after perfume. Although the exact ingredients are a closely held secret by all motorcycle clubs, there’s definitely a base of petrol/gasoline along with the other obvious ingredients like beer, grease, and pizza leftovers.

I doubt you can buy it at Selfridges/Walmart due to the price being the blood of an untamed virgin … or the kiss of one. My inner voice just yelled at me that blood is too icky for a humorous story about a tentacle monster ravaging a virgin. Let’s stick with kiss.

JANE: As you know, women like their erotica light and flowery, because – let’s face it – as a gender, we’re all about puppies and kittens. That said, I see Squirm really pushes the boat out with regard to naughty, sexy language. Do you feel that you’re breaking down barriers by referring to Virginia Chase’s lady garden as a ‘downstairs department’ and how heavily were you influenced by the ground breaking work of E.L. James and Anastasia’s ‘down there’ area?

CARI: Oh my. Do other women have a downstairs department? Wow.

I’m not sure if I’m breaking anything except hymens in this story. Crap. Apparently that was crass, too. Pardon me.

In all seriousness, I don’t think there are very many erotic parodies out there. Hens’ teeth are a little more common. So in that way, I’m breaking new ground. I was taking a bit of a risk with Squirm. Although I can parry and riposte smart-ass witticisms on Facebook now and then, when the wind is coming from the right direction, I had no real reason to think I could do a whole funny book. I should probably get a medal for this.

I think the genre needs a bit of fun thrown in to counterbalance the enormous load of sheer passionate emotions erupting from the pages of most romances. There’s so much crazy. The lust. The passion! The devastation from almost dying due to the grief of breaking up with a boyfriend, and the weeping and the screams of Noooooooo when he leaves the toilet seat up. People just plain throwing their arms in the air, dancing, and being freaking crazy in LOVE.

Bikers, billionaires, rock stars, assassins, bunny rabbits, werewolves, vampires! Rock-hard cocks that come and go all night, only to then get used to beat up the ninjas springing through the window. All that.

I think I lost track of what I was talking about somewhere up above, but the world will tip off its axis if we don’t laugh a little.

With regards to the terms I used to refer to lady bits, I’ve probably set erotic fiction back by a decade.

Karl did say cunt, too, though. Does that count?

Excuse me while I quickly flash read that E.L. James work referred to above.

Whips, chains, an inner goddess, and a stalker. Lucky girl.

I was vaguely influenced by that other book. My lawyer told me to say that. *shifts on seat* Moving on?

JANE: Would you call Virginia size-ist?

CARI: She does like big schlongs, doesn’t she? Yes. She’s size-ist. Poor Jace was probably a perfectly good lay, even if he was easy, and only a measly nine inches.

JANE: Let’s talk influences. Bikers, billionaires and sea monsters – a natural venn diagram if ever there was one. In fact, I’m incredibly surprised that no one has thought to combine them in a story before. Danger, money and multiple appendages; it’s every woman’s fantasy come to life. To what extent did you base your characters on Byker Grove [if you click on this link, try not to fall over with laughter when you see that users who 'liked' this series also 'liked' Sons of Anarchy – the two have about as much in common as a bicycle tire and a cock ring], Wall Street and Paul the Psychic Octopus?

Not one bit. I based it on all the information that flows through my head daily. There’s a lot of stuff in there and though most of it is totally useless, sometimes I can make sense of it all. It’s not like that monkey pounding the typewriter keys analogy though. Mine is more like a shaken snow globe method. If it’s pretty and sparkles, it goes into the Word .doc.

I had a whole bunch of Beta readers from the Badass Brats street team for this and all they did was nod and cheer. Talk about monkeys. I’d sack them but they work for peanuts and bananas. And I love them.

My lawyer said to put that, too.

P.S. I’m so glad my tentacle, biker, billionaire fantasies tee up with yours. Multiple appendages is such a clever way to describe it and almost sounds acceptable to normal society. I’m writing that one down for my next tea party.

“Why yes, Janice, do have a cucumber sandwich. And when is your next appointment for a multiple appendage sex orgy?”

JANE: Lastly, let’s talk about Cari, the writer. How has Squirm challenged you and where do you feel it sits within your dark erotica oeuvre?

CARI: It was a rollercoaster ride. I’d been stewing on writing a parody for a year possibly – ever since I caught sight of the zillionaire vampire cowboy book. And then the Booty Call for Cthulhu hit me. Shucks.

I wouldn’t say it was a challenge as much as a surprise. I didn’t know I could do this. But it was easy to write and so much fun. I tried to get Sorcha Black to join in and she ran away screaming – despite an earlier promise to help write one of these.

Where does it sit within my dark erotica oeuvre? Gah. My fingers fell off retyping that last word.

It doesn’t. If it’s there at all Squirm is sitting fidgeting and looking sideways at the exit. This is a silly, short, monster sex book that pokes fun at everything I could get think of that fitted the plot. Admittedly some of the ideas were bunged in with a sledgehammer.

I’ve been told I’m an ADD author and this parody is a prime example of my wandering attention. It doesn’t even have to be shiny to attract me, just wriggly and able to be used in various orifices. Oh look! World’s biggest gummy worm!

Joking. I think.

From the cover:

A parody of everything great and weird in erotic romance that could be stuffed into one book without it exploding. 

For some girls, one tentacle isn’t enough. 

Having a bad day isn’t good but when Virginia Chaste has a bad day, she gets felt up by a tentacle monster. If it simply has to happen, let it at least be a billionaire and a hot biker. 

Virginity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and her search for the Holy Grail of Erotic Romance, the ten inch purple-headed schlong, may have finally borne fruit. 

Yeehaw! Playing hide the tentacle has never been so much fun. 

Ready for some tentacle love? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

Amazon.co.uk

• Squirm – Kindle

Amazon.com

• Squirm – Kindle

Smashwords

• Squirm – ePub

*A big thank you to the delightful Cari for agreeing to step behind the curtain and subject herself to my ridiculous questions.

The post Squirm: Cari Silverwood talks inches, virgins, billionaires and tentacles appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Stunning, no?

I’d like to say that I was reading saucy books and writing more but I, um, spent most of my time exploring the gorgeous North Devon coastline and getting myself wet in the mighty Atlantic. Oh, and eating fish ‘n’ chips and scones slathered in jam and clotted cream. (Lush. Totally, totally, lush.)

This week, I’m back in the land of gadgetry and mobile phone coverage but I just wanted to let you all know that I’m going to be quiet for the next few days, too, while I try and catch up with all the writing I should have been doing on that cliff top. Michael and I have some more joint-reviewing to do, too. And the next My Life in Books post and vibrator write-up I promised a few weeks back are still stuck in the queue …

Hmm, maybe I should run back to my camping idyll?

The post Running off to Devon … appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Title:

Doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. (Well, mostly.)

How do I even begin reviewing Truth? Firstly, let me say that if you haven’t read the previous two books in the Finding Anna series, Slave and Need, you’re going to be seriously, seriously lost if you go straight in with this one. It cannot be read as a stand-alone. All three instalments are closely tied together and to truly appreciate the circumstances that Brianna and Stephan find themselves in, you need to understand how they got to where they are.

Where to start?

Stephan. Stephan, Stephan, Stephan. I want to be on your side. I do. Truly. You rescued Brianna from something truly hideous, are utterly committed to her rehabilitation and willing to protect her no matter what the personal cost. Do I fundamentally agree with your methods, though? Well, there’s the rub. Yes, you want to help Brianna. Yes, you are protective and caring towards her. But underneath all that are your own needs and desires; they’ve been bubbling away since the very beginning and, in this book, they start to seep out. No matter how benevolent you strive to be, can your actions truly be classed as selfless when they are ultimately influenced by your emotions, consciously or unconsciously? Is Brianna even remotely ready – or in the position mentally – to accept what you ultimately crave from her? Even you’re not sure:

‘Do you think she’ll be all right with this?’

‘I have no idea.’

It would be easy to say that Stephan is the white knight in of the piece but, whichever way you look at it, Briana is vulnerable – and to that end, his shiny armour has to be a little tarnished. The question is, can it be cleaned?

Just as they did in Slave and Need, the Stephan and Brianna both take turns telling the story, giving us the ability to see exactly what’s going on inside their respective heads. But crucially, their descriptions of the actions and reactions of Truth’s secondary characters with regard to their relationship – Dr Cooper, Cal, Lily, Oscar and Michael, in particular – provide the objective outsiders’ point-of-view. Give us glimpses beyond the bubble-like environment that Stephan has created for himself and Brianna to exist in. The thing with bubbles, though? They have a tendency to burst.

If you’re expecting a neat ending, to have all your questions answered, to have some light shed on the very murky circumstances surrounding Brianna’s abduction, then I’m sorry to say that you may struggle with the conclusion to this book. Truth takes you to the edge of the white cliffs of Dover and leaves you hanging by your fingernails.

I’ll leave you with this one word: felony.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy.

Amazon.co.uk

• Truth – Paperback

Amazon.com

• Truth  – Paperback

Kobo

• Truth – ePub

*Please note that an advance copy of Truth was provided free of charge in exchange for a fair review by The Writer’s Coffeeshop and NetGalley.

The post Truth (Finding Anna) – Sherri Hayes appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Bondage! BDSM! The Beatles! And, no, that last one’s not a typo. In this joint review of The Compound, Michael and I get a bit rock ‘n’ roll. (I know, I know, I know. Just go with it.)

*Proceed with caution: spoilers ahoy-hoy

JANE’S TAKE …

Completely confused by the presence of the Fab Four in this review? Don’t worry, all will become clear as mud, I promise.

Take a sub who can’t let go (Alexis) and send her to a strict BDSM bootcamp, one that specialises in whipping bottoms into shape (pun intended):

Give her a trainer, John (not the hero), who’s hell-bent on getting results, dammit!:

Throw in John’s colleague, Paul, who’s busy writing a very catchy song called Hey Jude. Wait. No, sorry, wrong Paul (I think). Throw in John’s colleague, Paul, who sees Alexis and develops a thing for her:

Get Alexis to lust after Paul but spend 80-90% of the book being put through a whole load of unsatisfying pain play by big bad John:

Let Paul and Alexis shag in the final few pages (note the man wearing handcuffs at 0:19 seconds in this video! Bondage! Beatles! BDSM!):

This one started out with such a hiss and roar, I was expecting to be a hot sweaty mess by the time I’d finished reading it. ‘Michael!’ I was practically shouting over email. ‘This is hot! And I’ve only read the first chapter! Awesome choice!’ Er, yeah. As you may have guessed, those sentiments didn’t last:

@Michael Okay. Time out.

I’m about 90% of the way through now. And I’m ticked. I’m ticked off with John who, if he’s the Sub Whisperer everyone says he is, should know better. I’m ticked off that I’ve read most of this book and Paul is still spectating from the sidelines. Grow a pair of ben-was, dude.

The first few chapters I thought I was going to get a Roissy-style deal. Then, from the three-quarter mark, I’m suddenly reading a Mills & Boon.

And the love at first sight? You had me at flogger? Gag. (Just to be clear, I’m talking about the reflex, not saying that a ball gag would have had any bearing on the whole love thing.)

Lastly, the tying. Where is all that rope going? You know what I’m going to be drawing, don’t you? Those bondage scenes, trying to figure out exactly how our intrepid heroine is positioned.

Shutting up now.

You good?

Michael, at this point, raised a very interesting question:

@Jane: Were you like me, and waiting for Master George and Master Ringo to show up?

That was all the encouragement I needed to start going bananas with Beatles clips. In fact, there was so much singing and tapping of feet going on I forgot to draw any stick figures.

In all fairness, The Compound was perfectly acceptable from a writing point-of-view but the contrast between the heavy play and the soft love story was just too jarring for me. And I have to admit I spent a lot of time Googling and asking various online friends about some of the breast caning scenes it contained; they seemed very severe at times and I was left wondering about Alexis’s safety during them more than once.

Lastly (and this is just a general observation more than anything else), what is it with all the duplicate cover images these days? They’re everywhere! Seriously, erotica publishers are in sore need of more stock libraries to source their images from …

MICHAEL’S TAKE …

Alexis is a masochist. She really enjoys pain. But something is missing and she isn’t quite sure what that something is.

Part of the problem is that she wants more of an experience. The kind you can’t have playing in the public area of a BDSM club with other people rubbernecking. Or at least she can’t. Part of the problem is that the only Dom she has really clicked with is Arthur. Who is married. And while his wife is okay with him playing in public, the deal is no going behind closed doors.

So the opportunity comes up for her to spend some time at … The Compound (insert ominous music here and maybe an evil laugh). For a slave training operation, it actually has kind of a resort atmosphere; while some residents apply to attend, others are sent by someone they’re already in a relationship with. No one is there against their will. The point is to make the various ‘students’ better submissives/slaves/people than they were before.

Alexis is a bit of a problem child. Right after she arrives she spots the man of her dreams. And then gets assigned to someone who is anything but (Jane explains the name thing in her review). And John finds her a bit of a conundrum.

I don’t know when the dirty suspicion came to me, but after an uncounted time of lying in a heap, I suddenly knew another fact of the conditioning I was being put through – and the difference between my training and that of the others. All the hints and unexplained happenings … The bastards were building a link between pain and sexual arousal and satisfaction.

 

If that quote sounds odd for this story, that is because I borrowed it from Mind Guest by Sharon Green. The way John describes what he wants to do with Alexis at one point brought this to mind. But the funny thing is it doesn’t work. What Alexis needs is something that John and Paul (and George and Ringo) once explained:

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy.

Amazon.co.uk

• The Compound – Kindle
• The Compound – Paperback

Amazon.com

• The Compound – Kindle
• The Compound – Paperback

Kobo

• The Compound – ePub

The post The Compound – Claire Thompson appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Title:

Yep. As requested, Michael and I are back once again as a book-reviewing double act. Are we less ranty than last time? I think so. But I still ended up drawing stick figures. Couldn’t seem to stop myself. He, meanwhile, took the high road and included intelligent and insightful quotes. (I think it’s clear which of us is Batman and which of us is Robin in this instance …)

JANE’S TAKE …

Before I say anything else, I just want to make it clear that I liked this book. The story was interesting, the characters likeable, and the sex hot. (Very, very hot in fact.) But it disturbed me. And I felt bad for enjoying it at times.

I’m a bit of a fan of both the non-con and D/s genres when it comes to erotica. But I see them as very separate things and when they start getting tangled together in a work of fiction, sirens, alarm bells and all manner of other emergency service warning systems start going off in my head. Consent is fundamental to BDSM. Always. And if it’s not? Well, that’s abuse. Plain and simple. As a rule, I will immediately stop reading books that portray non-consensual interactions between characters as D/s or S/M. Take Me, Break Me, however, managed to twist all the traditional rules of engagement.

The premise is intriguing. Jodie wants to make a documentary about living through the experience of a capture fantasy and asks her ex-boyfriend, Klaus, to imprison her in the basement of her house for the period of one month. He is – initially – shocked by her proposition but eventually agrees because he’s concerned that if he doesn’t, Jodie might engage the services of someone who would take advantage of the situation and truly hurt her. A very arbitrary and vague set of guidelines (The Rules), consisting of five sketchy bullet points is drawn up, a detailed ‘in case it all goes horribly wrong’ protection contract signed, and off they go. You can see where this is heading, can’t you?

Needless to say, things don’t go to plan (there’d be no story if they did) and after little more than a day or so Jodie and Klaus find themselves in a bit of a situation. Klaus discovers his sadistic side. Jodie discovers she likes to be hurt. Klaus decides to throw away The Rules (such as they are) and make new ones. Without any discussion. Oh, boy.

My Take Me, Break Me experience went something like this …

@Michael (just after starting the book):

‘RED PEN ALERT!

I had to read the first chapter twice because all the tense switching confused me. (Maybe I am just A Bear of Very Little Brain?!) Present tense, then past written in the past tense, then past written in the present tense, then back to present in the present tense. Huh? What exactly are you signing, man [Klaus]?! End-of-year finance reports or a down-and-dirty sex slave agreement? Because, you know, that distinction is kind of important!

I now have the awful urge to sing Brittany Spears’ ‘Slave for You’, btw. :-/’

I get frightened by the lack of discussion and awful bullet-pointed rules:

I get confused about what genre I am actually reading:

[Brief interlude, during which Michael and I disagree over the outfit Klaus makes Jodie wear (he thinks it’s ridiculous, I think it’s fabulously degrading) and we both start Googling Magnetic Island, the setting for Take Me, Break Me, real estate prices.]

I get distracted by the idea of green bamboo canes:

Then Jodie and Klaus go to a play party and I want to get one of these out:

All in all, I felt like this the entire time I was reading:

As I said right at the very beginning, I liked Take Me, Break Me. But it scared me. Ergo the above picture. This is a case of the reader being ‘head f*cked’ as much as the characters because you’re enjoying all the things they’re doing together but feel horrible for it because the proposition is so dangerously and badly flawed …

This is a great story, albeit an uncomfortable one.

Safe, Sane and Consensual. Take Me, Break Me certainly proves how important this mantra is.

MICHAEL’S TAKE …

“I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

– Don Corleone

Jodie is a comedienne. Not the worst, but not the greatest either. Her career is just going so-so. So she gets an idea. Make a documentary. But not about the life of a so-so comedienne. No, her idea is to make one about psychological enslavement. You see, Jodie has a secret love for that particular type of erotica we call the Capture Fantasy. So her idea is to film a woman throughout the process and through to the end result. And not just any woman. Herself (with some preset automatic cameras). But who can she get to be her captor?

Klaus. Good old Klaus. Her accountant. Oh, and her once-upon-a-time boyfriend. He’s the perfect guy for this sort of thing. Except maybe a little too cautious. When she approaches him with the idea, he reluctantly accepts. But only after drawing up a Contract and set of Rules so strict he pretty much takes all the fun out of it for both of them.

After all, this is supposed to be fun. Safe, Sane and Totally Consensual but fun as well. So what happens after 36 hours or so when Klaus dispenses with The Rules and makes it up as he goes along?

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

– Lord Acton

When I read the description for this one, I actually bought it immediately. Because even though I didn’t plan on reading it as soon as soon as I did, I knew it was one I was definitely going to read. I thought this could be a fun and sexy story. Instead I found it to be a brutally realistic portrayal of two people playing around with things they didn’t understand and getting in absolutely and completely over their heads.

Especially Klaus. I am often pretty hard on male lead characters for doing the wrong thing. But in this case, I didn’t really blame him. Things were so off from the very beginning that you just had to hope they both got out without any permanent damage.

“When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you.”

– Friedrich Nietzsche

Do I think you should read this book? If you like capture fantasy and BDSM fiction, I would say absolutely, positively, unequivocally ‘yes’.

But just keep in mind this is more what not to do.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

Amazon.co.uk

• Take Me, Break Me – Kindle

Amazon.com

• Take Me, Break Me – Kindle

Smashwords

• Take Me, Break Me – ePub

The post Take Me, Break Me (Pierced Hearts) – Cari Silverwood appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Since I attended Eroticon last weekend, I’ve been thinking. About lots of things. But, in particular, making more time to write. Not reviews, not articles, but erotica. More Five-minute stories. More serials.

Chintz went live approximately eight months ago and since then I’ve blogged nearly every week day. That’s a fair few posts! But while I’m tapping away furiously on my keyboard for a good few hours Monday to Friday, I’ve found that I’m devoting more and more time to reviews and less and less to writing stories.

Eroticon’s given me the impetus to examine my objectives and more clearly prioritise my goals for 2013:

• I want to finish Garden, my ‘long form’ fiction project within the next two months.
• I want to write more Five-minute erotica pieces.
• I want to look at compiling an erotica anthology.

So what does this mean? Well, from Monday, that I’ll be posting a little less frequently. I’ve come to the conclusion that two – maybe three – times a week is plenty, and giving myself a bit more breathing room will be really beneficial to achieving my writing objectives. There’ll still be reviews, there’ll still be Alert Me posts – there just won’t be as many of them.

Fingers crossed the slower pace doesn’t stop you all from visiting me!

The post Some changes … appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

If you’re a regular Chintz visitor, you’ll know that I was lucky enough to win one of three Xcite-sponsored tickets to Eroticon 2013, which was held in London last weekend. The conference ran for two full days and featured what can only be described as a truly mighty line-up of speakers, all there to encourage us, whatever our medium – blog or book – to write sex right.

I was so excited to be able to attend, although I must admit I was a little nervous about walking into a crowd of people I’d never met in person before. The very lovely Emma over at Dirty Little Whispers, who I speak to a fair bit online (and who also won a sponsored ticket) thankfully agreed to meet up with me during the initial registration session so I’d be a little less ‘island in the ocean’. However, while I was waiting for her to arrive, I happened to go and stand next to a woman who was busy perusing the weekend’s schedule. We got to chatting and what do you know? Her name was Tamsin Flowers and she was the winner of the third Xcite sponsorship. So in a room full of people, we’d somehow managed to gravitate towards each other. Spooky! (Is there such a thing as Xcite vibes?)

After listening to Ruby Kiddell’s lovely welcome and Rebecca Findlay’s talk about the XES: We Can’t Go Backwards campaign (did you know that on 1 April 2013 contraception and STI services will no longer be provided by the NHS but your local council?!) I said farewell to Tamsin, and Emma and I headed off to the first of many fabulous seminars, Molly Moore’s Myth Busting: the Submissive Woman.

I’m a regular visitor to Molly’s blog, Molly’s Daily Kiss, so was really looking forward to hearing her talk in person. And oh, boy, did she ever live up to her online persona. Molly is such a dynamic, engaging speaker and I could easily have listened to her for hours. She validated so many thoughts I, personally, have about submission and what it is and isn’t, but the thing I liked best was the word graph that she shared with us as the session drew to a close. Molly had asked other submissive women to provide her with a word that they felt best described what submission, as a concept, meant to them. The biggest and boldest words indicated those that were used most frequently. And what were they? Well, I’ll give you three of the largest ones: Trust, Love and Freedom.

Molly’s session set the standard for the rest of the day and each lecture I walked into had me scribbling furiously in my notebook.

Indigo Moore’s Blogging Basics proved that my obsession with love of Pinterest isn’t such a bad thing; Hazel Cushion’s Pitching to Publishers gave me some serious food for thought regarding the rise of serials (I’ve been writing one on Chintz for over six months now; woohoo! for the first time ever, I’m on trend!); and M.K. Elliot’s Self Publishing 1 introduced me to the wonders of AutoCrit.

I can’t really end my summary of Day One, however, without talking a little bit about Remittance Girl’s Creative Writing, which was both entertaining and just all-round awesome. There’s no way I can accurately describe or recount her lecture (too much good stuff came out of her mouth) but I did manage to jot down some rather lovely quotes, which I think outline the flavour and intent of what was an extremely insightful session:

‘Push the limits’

‘Fiction is the best place to put those dark sides of ourselves’

‘The most interesting sexual experiences are the ones that aren’t structured quite right’

‘Erotica must do more than arouse – it’s not just about f*ckers.’

Her words even spawned His Holy Eroticness, @HuggyPope. (If you’re not following the robed one yet, you need to be.)

Day Two began with a truckload of coffee (I’d gotten to bed late after attending the previous night’s Aural Sex readings – thank you to Harper Eliot for organising such a great evening) and a rather large bacon sandwich. But the caffeine and grease soon did their work and before I knew it, I was back into the fray, writing down everything I could with an increasingly blunt pencil.

Tamsin and I attended the Anthologies Panel first thing (Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Yes, Sir and Please, Sir are personal favourites of mine, so I was particularly keen to hear her speak), and then it was off to Molly’s Top Ten Tips For Writing a Sex Blog. Conclusion? I really need to spend some time making Behind the Chintz Curtain easier to navigate.

Given my dysfunctional relationship with Google Analytics, I thought that Michael Knight’s SEO Love would be a great session for me to attend (it was), and it also enabled me to find out a bit more about ‘no follow’ links, which, prior to Ruby Kiddell’s closing plenary on Day One, I had no idea existed. I also learned a catchy new chant: ‘Don’t be a numbers whore!’

My favourite Sunday sessions? The last two: BDSM Tools of the Trade and Self Publishing 2: Sell eBooks and Make Money. The former had what I can categorically say is the most exciting table of items I have ever seen at a conference, and Michael and Molly’s frank and open dialogue with everyone in the audience – and amazing flogging demonstration – elevated the session from excellent to pretty damn terrific. Harper Eliot did a great job (once again!) of live tweeting it, too, so if you’d like to know more about what was covered, go on Twitter and search for the #ToolsBDSMTrade hashtag. I must admit, I may have become a bit enamoured with a little implement that popped up in Tools. Ever heard of a Misery Stick? No? Well, I now own one! And guess what? It makes me very happy!

Self Publishing 2 was a continuation of a session I’d attended on Day One, and a wonderful way to close what was an exceptional weekend. Both M.K. Elliott and Guy New York were a pleasure to listen to – Guy Skyped into the session from across the pond – and, together, they made me feel a lot less nervous about the idea of self publishing, something that I’ve been considering doing for a while now.

In short, Eroticon 2013 was everything I hoped it would be: I met some lovely, lovely people (particularly enthusiastic waving to Tamsin, Emily Rose, Heather, Molly, Emma, and Indigo) and now have about a billion thoughts and ideas buzzing around in my head. A huge and heartfelt ‘thank you’ to Hazel of Xcite Books for giving me the opportunity to attend, everyone who took the time to answer questions I had, particularly Molly, and, of course, to Ruby Kiddell for organising such a brilliant event.

The post My Eroticon: hug a pope, get happy, get published appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Title:

Prepare yourselves. Michael and I decided to read and review Rush in tandem. And let’s just say that we had, er, pretty strong reactions to it. Warning: it’s a general winter of discontent below the fold and we only just refrained from using SHOUTY CAPITALS in our respective reviews. Buckle up.

MICHAEL’S TAKE …

First off, let me say this. Maya Banks has been doing this for a while now. I don’t really think this is her version of Fifty Shades of Grey despite the fact that it did sort of feel that way. (Oh, and if you don’t want spoilers, don’t read this because this is a fully-fledged rant.) Having said that, she has accomplished something I wouldn’t have thought possible: created a male lead in Gabe Hamilton that makes Christian Grey and Gideon Cross (Bared to You) look like normal, well-adjusted, thoughtful young men.

Gabe is in the hotel business. He and his partners, Jace and Ash, have been friends since college and seem to collectively be this generation’s Conrad Hilton. They are all thirty-eight and none of them have settled down – making all three eminently eligible bachelors. Well, actually, Gabe was married to Lisa for a while. And while we don’t find out much about it, it was some sort of power exchange relationship where he made all of the decisions. Until the day she decided to leave him and ran to a divorce attorney and the press painted their relationship as abusive. She got a hefty settlement when he didn’t fight her.

Since then, Gabe has avoided romantic entanglements. Oh, he has relationships but they all have a contractual component. Every woman he sleeps with has to sign his combination Slave Contract Non-disclosure Agreement. After that, he and his chosen paramour get physical for a while but never more than six months before he moves on.

So then he runs into Mia. Jace’s little sister. A twenty-four-year-old who seems to have gotten an MBA or at least a business degree but is waitressing at a pastry shop. Sweet little Mia who was raised from childhood by her big brother after their parents were killed. And it turns out he was wanted her for years. Long enough that he has now decided that a fourteen-year age difference doesn’t matter as much as it did when she was twenty or sixteen or whatever.

So he goes to Jace and explains to him that he wants to use and abuse his baby sister for the next six months or so. Oh, wait, no, he doesn’t. That probably wouldn’t work out very well.

So he goes to Mia and explains to her that he wants to use and abuse her for an unspecified period of time. Oh, and she really should have career goals so she can be his assistant so he can do the using and abusing right in his office. As long, of course, as she signs up to be his NDA’d sexual submissive. So at this point she files a complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Oh, wait, no, she doesn’t. But she probably should have.

So a bunch of stuff happens and then Gabe and Mia end up in a hotel room in Paris with three prospective business partners. In order to prove to himself that he doesn’t have feelings for his best friend’s little sister he binds and essentially tosses her to the wolves – after setting a few ground rules.

There are roughly five kinds of men:

1. The kind whose personal code would, for moral and religious reasons, make them want to leave.
2. Those who prefer other guys to women.
3. Guys who aren’t really Doms but aren’t going to pass up an interesting opportunity.
4. Actual Doms who delight in the joy of a submissive woman.
5. Abusers who won’t hesitate to hurt women to make themselves feel superior.

The thing is, it is mighty hard to tell which is which just by looking at someone. The fact that Gabe assumed that these three potential investors were 3s and 4s was idiotic. I don’t even think scenarios 1 and 2 entered his head. But you don’t take a chance on having a 5 in the room. That was one of the most boneheaded moves I have ever seen.

And I have to say that Mia was part of the problem. Being submissive is one thing. Letting someone walk on the fine line of being abusive (assuming you don’t think that Gabe crossed the line) is something else. Later on, Jace worries that her next boyfriend might actually be abusive as a result of her time with Gabe; if only the latter had given as much thought to what was going on.

Honestly, my favorite moment was when Jace punched Gabe out. Because someone needed to. Of course, it didn’t actually knock any sense into him. That would have to come later.

I did kind of like the ending but I am still thinking Gabe may need a couple of decades or so of therapy.

I actually pre-ordered the next book, Rush, which will be featuring Jace. I am curious to see how he and Ash fare from an outsider perspective. Because even if they were kind of the guardian angels in this one, they probably won’t be in their own stories.

JANE’S TAKE …

My Rush reading experience can pretty much be summarised by my Goodreads ‘in progress’ status updates and ranty emails:

Status update 1: “9% in and the words ‘steel’, ‘minx’ and ‘kitten’ have been used. :-/”

Status update 2: “Oh, for the love of Pete: ‘There is no negotiation’. REALLY?”

Status update 3: “Rapidly losing the will to live reading this. I’m so not absorbed that I’m watching clips of Scottish Terrier puppies on YouTube every few pages to try and boost my flagging spirits.”

[Pause in reading]

@Michael: “Are you going to finish this or what?”

@Jane: “I’ve stalled … I got partway through, got cross, skimmed the last bit, got even more cross, and then put it down. I really do need to finish it though. It’s dreadful and deserves my full wrath.”

[Michael starts reading]

@Michael: “Wow! I am still not sure what to make of it but if Jace kills Gabe with his bare hands when they get to New York I think I could let him off for temporary insanity if I were on the jury.”

@Jane:  “So you’ve been to Paris, then? … Gabe is a total sh*t. The term ‘control freak’ seems most appropriate. And for the love of a flogger, why the HELL would you invite business associates to Top your ‘beck and call girl’? Because, let’s be honest, that’s what she is.

The thing that really irks me though? Maya Banks writes so bloody nicely. There’s just something about the flow and rhythm of her prose that appeals to me. It’s why I keep buying her. But her actual characterisation and interactions are so hit and miss. I haven’t felt this cross about a male protagonist of hers since Micah (Sweet Temptation). I mean, come on! Contrast this idiot with Damon from Sweet Persuasion.

@Michael: “I couldn’t understand what could upset you so much but when I got to that scene I understood. This guy makes Christian Grey and Gideon Cross look stable.”

@Jane: “I think our joint review of this is going to turn into a joint rant …”

Um, yeah, it kind of did. If you don’t find narcissistic, wankerish men off-putting in an erotic romance then you’ll probably like this. Because that’s exactly what Gabe is. The writing’s solid, though, and that’s what stops it from becoming a total bust. I quite liked Jace and Ash as characters, too, although the way this series has started I’m tempted to lay money on them turning into total morons during the next two books.

Series prediction:

• Book two = ménage meltdown. Jace decides he can’t share his women with Ash anymore. Ash can’t decide what to do with his penis now he’s on his own.
• Book three = Ash has ménage withdrawal but has to ‘rescue’ Caroline from her bouncer boyfriend and in the process emerges from his DP funk.

Roll on Fever.

Rush tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

Amazon.co.uk

• Rush – Kindle
• Rush – Paperback

Amazon.com

• Rush – Kindle
• Rush – Paperback

Kobo

• Rush – ePub

The post Rush (The Breathless Trilogy) – Maya Banks appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Anyway, before I jump on the train to this erotica nirvana, I thought I’d better take part in the pre-conference Meet and Greet. You know, give all the other poor unsuspecting attendees some idea of what’s about to be inflicted upon them …

Name: Jane

Twitter ID: @ChintzCurtain

Must attend Eroticon 2013 session: I can only pick one? Okay. The Anthologies session with Maxim Jakubowski, Lucy Felthouse, Victoria Blisse, and Rachel Kramer Bussel. I’m a huge fan of short-form erotica.

Bloggers you’d like to be trapped in the lift with: Dirty Little Whispers (she’d make me laugh), Being Blacksilk (she’d be able to tell some fabulous erotic stories to pass the time), Ruffled Sheets (I love Andy’s photographs) and Molly (who doesn’t want to be trapped in the lift with her?!).

Erotic writer you’d like to write dramatize your life story: Heck, I’d need to pick someone who wasn’t afraid to use heavy artistic license. My life just isn’t that dramatic. Do they have to be alive? No? Anaïs Nin, then.

Expected biggest fangirl/fanboy moment: Probably Rachel Kramer Bussel. Sex, editing, and red pen. That’s like my idea of pure bliss.

What keeps you awake at night? My husband’s snoring. It’s loud. Very, very loud.

Want to know who else is attending Eroticon 2013? Click here to find out.

The post Jane’s Eroticon 2013 Meet and Greet appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Title:

You know how you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover? Well, I took one look at Spanktastic and totally (totally) did.

Oh, my, is it hot.

But do you know what’s even better? The inside. Because does Spanktastic ever live up to its super-seductive exterior. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it surpasses it – and a barebottomed red-head draped over a velvet chair is pretty hard to top, in my opinion!

This book is an absolute feast for spanking gluttons. Twenty-two luscious stories, in which different women have their bottoms turned a delightful shade of pink by the various inhabitants of fictional town, Rock Creek – a BDSM-friendly community whose residents are free to indulge their fetishes behind closed doors or in front of them. (I should point out here that whilst Spanktastic is a collection of shorts, they’re all linked together by this common setting and, thus, intertwine to create an anthology with a ‘novelesque’ feel. So even if you’re not generally keen on short-form erotica, Spanktastic may just appeal to you.)

The stories are all delightfully different – with twenty-two in total, I was a bit worried that they might be a bit ‘samey’ – but, no. Author Sadey Quinn does a brilliant job of keeping the scenarios varied, interesting and – most importantly! – hot.

F/f, M/ff, FM/f, F/ff, M/f … Voyeurism, exhibitionism, medical, humiliation … And that’s just for starters. I’m struggling to think of types of play that aren’t included in Spanktastic. Yet all are handled with finesse, and even the scenarios that wouldn’t normally push my buttons, well, did.

My personal favourites?

The Sadists, in which a sub by the name of Fern has the misfortune – or should that be pleasure? – of being sent by her Master to serve two sadistic Tops …

‘When they paused once more, Mistress Natasha walked around Fern and stood right in front of her. Their eyes were only inches apart, and Fern shuddered when she saw the expression on the Mistress’ face.
“Don’t you know, Fern,” she said icily, “that I haven’t got an ounce of pity in my body?”’

… and Cleaning for Master Holden. Woe betide any girl who leaves dust bunnies beneath the bed at number Forty-five, Harper Hills:

‘“Come here,” he says.
Joanne walks to him and stands in front of his desk. He holds out his white gloved hand for her to see. To her horror, it is nearly covered in a very thin, yet obvious, layer of dust.
“What is this?” he asks. The edges of his lips are curled in a very small and evil smile.
“It’s … dust, sir,” she says.’

Spanktastic it really is. If you’re a fan of The English Vice, you won’t want to miss this one.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to buy a copy:

Amazon.co.uk

• Spanktastic – Kindle
• Spanktastic – Paperback

Amazon.com

• Spanktastic – Kindle
• Spanktastic – Paperback

Kobo

• Spanktastic – ePub

The post Spanktastic – Sadey Quinn appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.