Amazingly useful things, belts. (For the full effect, click on the image to embiggen.)

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Image: Kris de Curtis 

There are quite a few things I’d like for Christmas. I think it’s fair to say, though, that some of them won’t make it under the family tree. No, they’ll be opened in private with my own personal Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho.

I’ve yet to write out my wish list but, in the mean time, I thought I’d have a little fun with the 1953 classic song Santa Baby, the original version of which was famously sung by Eartha Kitt, to get me in the mood …

Santa Baby, slip a paddle under the tree, For me.
been an awful bad girl, Santa baby,
so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, a multi-speed vibrator too,
Light blue*.
I’ll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the punishments I’ve missed,
Think of all the canes my skin hasn’t kissed,
Next year I could be just as bad,
If you’ll check off my Christmas list,

Santa baby, I wanna crop,
And really that’s not a lot,
Been misbehaving all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there’s one thing you really do need,
The deed
To this submission of mine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, and fill my life with a Dom,
And sex.
Sign your name on my skin,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some clamps bought especially for me,
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see if you believe in me,

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A collar.
I don’t mean for the dog,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.

*Pants. They don’t do them in blue!

Hope you’re all having as much fun as I am writing your letter to Father Christmas.

Jane
x

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