Image: Christmas Fairy. (Me, wearing my halo, whilst sitting in a Pohutukawa – also known as the ‘New Zealand Christmas tree’.)

This Wicked Wednesday is an unapologetic, sentimental and festive ‘thank you’ – a big one! – to all the amazing people who have made my 2013 so happy and wonderful.

Bloggers, writers, readers, fellow kinksters … There are so many of you that I am pleased and proud to know (both online and in person), and who have been totally selfless in support of me and this little Chintzy corner of the Interweb these past twelve months. To that end, I’d like to embarrass a few of you by specifically calling out your awesomeness.

Firstly, Marie, who runs this fantastic meme and has always encouraged and given me the opportunity to participate in it.

The truly lovely and talented Tamsin Flowers. We met over a coffee table at this year’s London Eroticon, and I can honestly say she’s been one of life’s best chance encounters. (It’s not often you find a kindred spirit in smut-writing crime.) Not only that, she’s been a constant source of encouragement and patience. (Read: she’s put up with me even though I’ve been completely rubbish at delivering … well, anything useful to her these past six months.)

Michael, who I adore reviewing erotic books with and who never fails to keep me entertained with John Norman Gor analogies. That, and he doesn’t bat an eyelid at my over-the-top book rants.

Author Natasha Knight. All-round good person and willing to drink cocktails with me on Messenger whilst talking kink.  (I can type ‘nanl exs’ and she still knows what I mean.)

E, who has consistently gone above and beyond the call of duty to help me out with Sinful Sunday pictures (shielded my topless self from unexpected dog walkers in English fields, shooed neighbours away from the front door whilst I’ve lain half naked in her sitting room covered in glitter, etc., etc., etc.).

Molly and DomSigns, who have been nothing short of amazing with me and my other half, M. Thank you both for absolutely everything this past year. Your company, your advice, the excursions, and your friendship. I (we!) miss you guys.

And last but certainly not least, my family, who, without exception, have been unflinchingly supportive of my slightly left-of-centre life and blog – and aren’t afraid to own me and what I do. (Although in future, a certain brother might want to wait until his friends don’t have mouthfuls of crisps and beer before nonchalantly asking me ‘how my porn site is going’.)

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you all.

Jane
xxx

The post Wicked Wednesday: Glad Tidings appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

The very last Behind the Chintz Curtain post for 2012. I can’t quite believe how fast the past five-and-a-half months have gone. Since Chintz went live on 3 July, over 13,000 of you have visited and I’d just like to say a big ‘thank you’ to everyone who’s taken the time to stop by.

I also need to send some serious festive love to the following amazing people, without whom I would have been totally lost on this blogging journey!

Joe B (who did such a great job of designing all the Chintz graphics); Felicia (who coded like an angel when the going got a little bit too tough for me. Html is not my strong suit!); Nick E. (who remained completely un-phased when faced with a conversation about erotica and legalese, despite the fact that it was a massive departure from our previous legal discussions. You’re a true gentleman, sir); Lizzie, Thomas and The Dairy Maid (who’ve been total troopers, reviewing all the sex toys I’ve thrown their way); MissR and Rob (who’ve continued to be so generous with their time and advice, even though I’m no longer their client. God bless Skype); Michael (who has let me bounce endless writing ideas of him and then add to his already enormous reading pile); the amazing BookAddict (who encouraged me to take part in BDSM Bedtime Stories (do you ever sleep, woman?!)) and Mr Bliss (who did such a brilliant job of making the smut I’d written sound so amazing); all the folk who take part in Toy with me Tuesday and make it so much fun every week; and, finally, the companies and authors who have supported Chintz content by sending products and manuscripts for review.

A very merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you all.

Festive kisses,
Jane
x

The post Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to all you lovely kinky folk appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Fifty Shades of a bawdy board game
Source: Evening Standard

I actually have no words. A Fifty Shades of Grey boardgame with ‘Inner Goddess Tokens’ a ‘Red Room Expansion Pack’ and a non-disclosure agreement between the players and Christian Grey (otherwise know as the ‘Receiving Party’).

As someone who spent nearly a decade protecting the integrity of a rather high-profile brand that shall remain nameless, this kind of cash-in merchandising actually makes me feel slightly ill. Worse, if Susannah Butter’s article is anything to go by, those who fork over their hard-earned cash for this thing aren’t even going to be rewarded with anything particularly titillating or racy. Sample question:

“Which girlfriend would buy the best present for the man who had everything?”

No joke, I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. Really E.L. James? Really? Stick with Monopoly, people. I guarantee fighting over who gets to be the boot will be more fun.

British sex toy shop makes post-watershed Christmas ads
Source: B&T

Now this is interesting. Adverts for sex toys on British television are almost unheard of. I recall Lovehoney doing one a while back but I don’t recall it being quite as titillating as this Christmas offering from High Street giant Ann Summers. Content-wise, it’s hardly explicit but the censors have deemed that it can only be shown after 11.00pm (although there is an edited version that we’ll be allowed to see from the earlier time of nine o’clock – PM, not AM).

Does this signal that, as a society, we’re becoming more accepting of sex toy advertisements in mainstream media?

Your next sex toy could come out of a 3D printer (NSFW)
Source: io9

I’m married to an engineer. And when he reads this article, the first thing out of his mouth is going to be ‘what did I tell you?’.  We’ve both been aware of 3D printing for some time and have often debated when and how the sex toy industry would begin to embrace the technology. The possibilities are endless (custom shapes, custom sizes, custom colours, etc.) but as this article points out, the resolutions, materials and costs are quite a way from being perfect just yet. It’s only a matter of time, though, and I think we’re going to see a lot more bespoke toys being manufactured in this way in the years to come. This is a great piece to geek out and dream to!

The post Alert Me: No-Sign-of-Sadomasochism – The Boardgame!, Ann Summers on TV, and printing 3D sex toys appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

 

‘Er, Jane? What exactly are you doing to that turkey with my Shibari rope?’
‘Toy with me Tuesday.’
‘I’m not even going to ask.’
‘Probably best not to.’
‘Just make sure you clean it thoroughly afterwards.’
‘Salmonella’s a hard limit, yes?’
‘Don’t be cheeky.’

Who said poultry bondage can’t be sexy?

My Toy with me Tuesday entry for this week is inspired by two things: Christmas and Fifty Shades of Chicken, which I discovered a few weeks ago. Bloody hilarious.

I couldn’t decide which of these two pictures I liked the best – with holly or without – so have decided to include both. Which do you prefer?

Right, off to wash the Shibari rope before it’s contaminated any further …

The post Toy with me Tuesday: Shibari Christmas turkey appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Image: Kris de Curtis 

There are quite a few things I’d like for Christmas. I think it’s fair to say, though, that some of them won’t make it under the family tree. No, they’ll be opened in private with my own personal Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho.

I’ve yet to write out my wish list but, in the mean time, I thought I’d have a little fun with the 1953 classic song Santa Baby, the original version of which was famously sung by Eartha Kitt, to get me in the mood …

Santa Baby, slip a paddle under the tree, For me.
been an awful bad girl, Santa baby,
so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, a multi-speed vibrator too,
Light blue*.
I’ll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the punishments I’ve missed,
Think of all the canes my skin hasn’t kissed,
Next year I could be just as bad,
If you’ll check off my Christmas list,

Santa baby, I wanna crop,
And really that’s not a lot,
Been misbehaving all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa honey, there’s one thing you really do need,
The deed
To this submission of mine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa cutie, and fill my life with a Dom,
And sex.
Sign your name on my skin,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some clamps bought especially for me,
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see if you believe in me,

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A collar.
I don’t mean for the dog,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.

*Pants. They don’t do them in blue!

Hope you’re all having as much fun as I am writing your letter to Father Christmas.

Jane
x

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Agent Provocateur – Secret Santa
Source: Agent Provocateur

Struggling with your Secret Santa gift? Need some inspiration? Agent Provocateur have a suggestion for you. (Just make sure you work somewhere with a well-stocked stationary cupboard and a Polaroid camera.)

Bad sex awards 2012 shortlist leaves out JK Rowling and EL James
Source: The Guardian

It’s not easy to write a good sex scene and I’m positive I’m guilty of a few clangers in both Garden [*no longer available on the blog] and Frostbite. However, there are some places you should never ever go when writing about shagging, regardless of whether or not you’re a ‘serious’ high-brow literary author.

This year’s Literary Review Bad Sex Award nominees are guilty of cringe-worthy botanical euphemisms (see below), strange sporting equipment metaphors (‘wubbering springboard’), and baking references that would make Delia Smith shudder (‘She smells of almonds, like a plump Bakewell pudding’). My favourite quotes?

‘He began thrusting wildly in the general direction of her chrysanthemum …’

- Rare Earth by Paul Mason

Gardeners’ World after one too many sherries.

and

‘Now his big generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle’.

- Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe

Clearly, no one’s riding a winner here.

The Story of ‘No’: S&M Sex Clubs Sprout Up on Ivy Campuses, and Coercion Becomes an Issue
Source: The New York Observer

An extremely interesting and well-written article by Rachel R. White that looks at the rise of BDSM clubs in American Ivy League universities, and examines the disturbing allegations that high-profile members of the BDSM community are exploiting submissives – newbies in particular. If you’re a FetLife member or are considering joining, you’ll definitely want to read this piece.

The post Alert Me: A very sexy Santa, the Bad Sex Awards, and The Story of ‘No’ appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.