Tag: Chintzy Lady 1

16

Just Tease Me

What we used:  Tease Me Soft Satin Blackout Blindfold
From: Lovehoney
Price: £14.99
Material(s): Satin

Lizzie and Thomas have the opportunity to try out Lovehoney’s innovative satin Tease Me blindfold. Will they encounter the slippage issues they experienced during their last blindfold roadtest?

Lizzie
A few weeks ago, we reviewed Coco de Mer’s ‘Freedom is deciding whose slave you want to be’ blindfold as part of the Christian Grey’s Playthings toy series. If you read our post, you’ll know that we loved the look and feel of this pretty and luxurious bit of kit but had some issues with it slipping off at inopportune moments.

Enter the very lovely Alice from Lovehoney who, after reading our review, kindly sent us Lovehoney’s very own Tease Me blindfold to try out. This innovative product has an ingenious flexible wire embedded inside the satin, so the wearer gets a much better fit across their nose and cheeks and, consequently, there’s less chance of it parting company with the face during use.

First impressions …

Lizzie
The Tease Me blindfold arrives in a slim white cardboard package featuring the Lovehoney’s branding in purple white and black and encased in a clear plastic sleeve. Very simple and understated (I wouldn’t have been offended if Thomas had bought this for me as a gift).

The blindfold itself is pretty; the outward-facing side is rich purple and the inward-facing panel a lovely glossy black. The section that’s designed to sit over the nose and eyes is delineated by a half-moon of leather-like piping and inside the curved section of this is a thin, flexible wire (which you can easily feel and manipulate with your fingers).

Thomas
This is a very nice blindfold. It looks high quality, the stitching is good and it feels soft to the touch. The packaging is nicely discrete as well. Continue reading →

31

A not-so-Happy Rabbit

What we used: Happy Rabbit G-Spot Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator
From: Lovehoney
Price: £49.99
Material(s): Silicone (main body and operating buttons) and plastic (base)
Lizzie is on a quest to find a new rabbit vibrator. Will Lovehoney’s Happy Rabbit G-Spot rechargeable rabbit vibrator make her, well, happy?

First thoughts …

Lizzie
I have been looking for a new rabbit vibrator for AGES. I bought my first one over ten years ago and fell completely in love with it. It was ridiculously cheap, was likely full of terrible un-bodysafe plastics, smelled dreadful, was louder than a 747 at take-off, and had an awful and superfluous bubble of moving beads the colour of boiled sweets near the base. But it could make me orgasm, no problem at all, and it was used on a weekly basis with much enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, after a few months of faithful (heavy) service it gave up the ghost – the battery chamber corroded – and, in any event, I’d started to do a bit of research on phthalates and had decided that I shouldn’t be putting things that were potentially harmful inside myself.

So I bought another more expensive one – and to my great disappointment, it was not a patch on the cheap-as-chips original. The rabbit ear position was slightly different and even though the vibe was quieter and smelled loads better, it wasn’t nearly as easy to orgasm with. Eventually, I got cross with it, threw it away and started experimenting with some different vibrator designs to see if I could find something I liked better.

But nothing I’ve tried so far has given me quite the same pleasure as my first rabbit and I’m desperate to find one that I adore as much as my original.

Bring on the Happy Rabbit. Continue reading →

30

Durex Deluxe condoms: a slightly thinner plastic bag for your willy

What we used: Durex Deluxe condoms
Manufacturer: Durex
Price: £8.60 – £9.99 for a pack of 5
Material(s): straight-walled polyurethane, non-spermicidal lubricant

At nearly £2.00 per condom, are Durex’s new Deluxe condoms all they’re cracked up to be? Thomas gives us his verdict.

First thoughts …

Thomas
I’ll be totally honest. Condoms are not my favourite sexual aid by a long shot. They fall into the category of ‘necessary evil’ but as STIs are with us for the foreseeable future, they are the best barriers to infection. As a rule, I always take the words ‘Ultimate’, ‘Ultra’, ‘Super’, and ‘Ultra-mega-f**king-amazing’, etc., with a large (large) pinch of salt when I see them applied to condoms. That fact is they all involve sticking a plastic bag over your willy, which is not terribly erotic, and they certainly don’t heighten any sensations, despite what some ribbed brands may say. Continue reading →

25

Defy the Eagle – Lynn Bartlett

Title: Defy the Eagle
Author: Lynn Bartlett
ISBN: 978-0263850765
Publisher: Mills & Boon (19 May 2006) – re-issue. (Originally published by Worldwide Library (1986))

It’s not an erotic novel per se, but if you have a bit of a thing for capture/slave fantasies and enjoy historicals, I think it’s highly likely that you’ll enjoy this book.

Defy the Eagle wasn’t the first romance I ever read but it’s most definitely the one that’s stuck in my head over the years and set the standard for all that have followed. Highly implausible plot? Check. Uber Alpha hero bordering on total wanker? Check. Cover art embarrassing enough in execution to make me hide behind a crate of avocados in order to read it (more on that later)? Check.

The official synopsis from the 2006 edition:

62AD

And Britannia is at war…

Queen Boadicea and her fearless Iceni troops face the disciplined Roman Empire and her sworn enemy Emperor Nero in their fight for freedom. The battle begins in the town of Venta Icenorum, where the beautiful and rebellious Jilana waits to be married and fulfil her duties as an honourable Roman wife and daughter.

Everything changes when Jilana meets Caddaric, an Iceni warrior, who takes her as his slave. Separated by their blood allegiances but brought together through their mutual desire, Jilana and Caddaric are unwittingly caught in a battle of their own.

As Boadicea’s army rages through Londinium and finally on towards Rome, politics and passion collide as Jilana and Caddaric race to stay together and survive the ever increasing threat of the Roman army.

My 14-year-old self stumbled across this doorstop of a novel whilst staying with my dad during the summer holidays. He was renting a furnished flat at the time and Defy the Eagle was languishing on a bookshelf, hidden amidst a seemingly endless row of The Reader’s Digest. Unable to stomach the latter (pun intended), I did what any self-respecting adolescent girl would do: I grabbed the book with the cover that featured a red-haired woman in a ‘toga’ – read: pink mini dress that wouldn’t have been out of place in an Ann Summers catalogue – languishing in the arms of a guy whose stomach appeared to be stuffed with paint rollers. (Interestingly, he also seemed to have had a run-in with a vat of St Tropez, although, I’ll hazard that as advanced as the Romans were, they hadn’t discovered the joys of fake tan.) Continue reading →

23

O is for orgasm

What we used: Play O orgasm enhancing gel
From: Durex
Price: £11.39 – £15.35 (depending on retailer)
Ingredient(s): aqua, propylene glycol, arginine, lactic acid, hydroxyethylcellulose, aroma, PEG-40 hydrogenated castor oil, isopulegol, methylparaben

Can Play O gel really help you achieve orgasm? Lizzie discovers that, yes, it can.

First thoughts …

Durex Play O has been around for a while now. I first saw it on a shelf in my local Boots pharmacy a few years ago, lurking unobtrusively next to the condoms and lubricants. The word ‘orgasm’ caught my attention and within seconds I was scanning the back of the box:

‘Durex Play OTM Gel is a revolutionary product for enhanced orgasm pleasure. Play OTM Gel has been specially designed and tested by women for women using a unique combination of ingredients that create a multitude of cooling, warming and tingling sensations all at the same time, heightening sensitivity of the clitoris for more intense orgasm pleasure and easier to reach orgasms.’

All of this sounded marvellous but to be brutally honest, I was pretty sceptical about whether a gel could have that much of an effect. An easy orgasm is pretty much the Yetti of intercourse – for women at least; everyone talks about it, but no one really believes it exists. Surely, if this stuff actually worked, I’d be hearing shrieks of pleasure echoing around the neighbourhood? Nevertheless, I’ll try anything once and so proceeded to march off to the checkout with my new discovery. Continue reading →

18

Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood) – J.R. Ward

Title: Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood)
Author: J.R. Ward
Publisher: Piatkus (3 Feb 2011)
ISBN: 978-0749955229

When I told a very good friend of mine (who is almost as book-obsessed as I am) that I was starting this website, one of the first things out of her mouth was ‘Don’t you dare forget the Brotherhood!’.

Of all the book series’ I’ve recommended to people over the years, this one has proved by far and away to be the most popular. I don’t know what it is – the characters, the writing, the world-building – but when readers describe the Black Dagger Brotherhood as ‘book crack’, they’re not far wrong. Like a bunch of addicts, we’re on top of the latest release in J.R. Ward’s bestselling series the moment it comes out and are soon clamouring for our next fix, regardless of whether the hit we had last was as spectacular as we imagined it would be. (Because, truth be told, some of the instalments are better than others.)

Dark Lover is the very first book in the Brotherhood line-up and although it was initially published in 2005, I was a bit late to the party and didn’t discover it until 2007. In fact, I actually read book three (Lover Awakened) first after seeing it pop up on various recommended lists on Amazon. I um’d and ah’d about buying it – I was put off by the cheesy title and the cover art – but I’m so pleased I did; I went on to devour Awakened and the other three Brotherhood books that were available at the time (Dark Lover, Lover Eternal and Lover Revealed) in less than a week. Book crack indeed. Continue reading →

10

Christian Grey’s playthings, part three: pleasure beads

What we used: LELO Luna Pleasure Bead System
From: Lovehoney
Price: £29.99
Material(s): FDA-approved body-safe silicone

The third in our series of posts on Christian Grey’s playthings, in which we review pleasure beads (a.k.a. ‘jiggle balls’, Ben Wa balls, Geisha balls) and discover that they make a bit of noise!

First impressions …

Lizzie
Nice. The packaging is very grown up and classy – not a topless porn-star in sight! There’s an outer case in white with the LELO branding on it, and inside that a heavy black cardboard box with ‘LELO’ embossed on the lid. Opening up the latter reveals four pleasure beads – two in ‘petal pink’ and two ‘powder blue’ – sitting in a moulded black plastic casing. The pink beads are encased in a flexible white sleeve (girdle) shaped like the number 8.

All the beads are made of transparent, coloured silicone and inside each one there is a small grey weight, roughly the size of a marble. (Shaking a bead causes the weight to rattle against the outer plastic sleeve but the noise it makes doesn’t seem particularly loud – more like a dull thudding.) Continue reading →

09

The 52 Seductions – Betty Herbert

Title: The 52 Seductions
Author: Betty Herbert
Publisher: Headline (19 Jan 2012)
ISBN: 978-0755362530

It’s a ‘fifty’ book, but not the one you’re thinking of. The 52 Seductions began life as a blog, with the author, Betty Herbert, recording a series of seductions that she and her husband perform in in an attempt to kick-start their waning sex life.

Realising that, sexually speaking, things have started to go off the boil in their relationship despite them still being very much in love with one another (‘I am not prudish; I have just been married for ten years’), Betty talks ‘Herbert’, her husband, into engaging in a seduction every week for a year. Her theory is that sex begets more sex, and by ‘forcing’ themselves to make love, their desire for each other will increase in proportion to the amount they’re actually having. They agree that they’ll take turns devising them, with Betty dreaming up and organising a seduction one week and Herbert the next. What unfolds is book that charts Betty and Herbert’s rediscovery of one another and an examination of their attitudes towards sex in general.

One of the things this book does well is to highlight – very accurately – the hum-drum of long term partnerships while also pointing out that said hum-drum doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve fallen out of love with your significant other. It boldly acknowledges what’s likely true for a lot of long-term couples: that you’ve gone through the first, frenzied flush of sexual discovery, things have settled into a routine, and going outside of the status quo when you’ve been plodding along the same road at the same pace for some time takes some guts. Continue reading →

04

Christian Grey’s playthings, part one: the blindfold

What we used: ‘Freedom is deciding whose slave you want to be’ blindfold
From: Coco de Mer U.K.
Price: £25.50
Material(s): Silk

The first in our series of posts on Christian Grey’s playthings, in which we discover that silk blindfolds feel lovely but are very, very hard to keep in place …

First impressions …

Lizzie
This blindfold is beautiful. It’s gorgeously soft, feels wonderfully silky to the touch, and the words ‘Freedom is deciding whose slave you want to be’ are stitched in a pretty scripted font in the middle of the outward-facing panel. The Coco de Mer logo is embroidered at the right-hand end. All-in-all, very seductive and a million miles from sleazy and cheap. I’m impressed – and a bit surprised! – that Thomas has chosen this for me; it’s far sexier than a hanky or one of my pashminas, but being an average bloke, they’re exactly what I’d expect him to be wrapping around my head in place of this!

Thomas
The blindfold came in quality packaging from Coco de Mer along with several other items, none of which looked cheap or tacky, which is to be avoided at all costs if you are shopping for toys. The blindfold is of decent silk and is well made with black embroidery on one side. It has a nice look and feel and you won’t be embarrassed to whip it out (so to speak) on your partner. Continue reading →

04

The Dirty Bits for Girls – India Knight

Title: The Dirty Bits for Girls
Author: India Knight (editor)
ISBN: 978-1844082285
Publisher: Virago UK (March 1, 2009)

The Dirty Bits for Girls has been around for a while – it was first published in 2006 – but I’m offering it up because 1) it’s a great read and 2) because it gives you enlightening glimpses into books that you might not have considered picking up otherwise.

This collection of ‘dirty’ excerpts runs the gamut – Georgette Heyer, Anaïs Nin, John Cleland, Jilly Cooper, to name just a few of the authors whose work appears in it – and, as such, caters to pretty much every taste. From the over-the-top soap opera sex of 80s Judith Krantz (Scruples) to the dark eroticism of Pauline Reage’s Story of O, Dirty Bits serves up a tasting menu of sex in literature and is perfect as means of steering you towards the books that do it for you and away from the ones that don’t.

The extract from Georgette Heyer’s Regency Buck with its smouldering, rakish hero, the Earl of Worth (a.k.a. Julian St John Audley), is toe-curlingly good. At the risk of sounding like a giddy thirteen-year-old, the guy is hot. He’s handsome. He’s arrogant. He’s dominating.  He’s insolent. There’s not a single ‘traditional’ sex scene in the excerpt (or in the entire book for that matter) – the raciest it gets is a raised hem and a kiss in the back of a curricle-and-four – but the sexual frisson between him and Judith, the heroine, is brilliant. Reading this particular snippet sent me into something of a Heyer frenzy and I consumed a number of her Regency ton romances in short order after reading the Dirty Bits taster. A perfect and satisfying example of Alpha male versus feisty, spirited heroine, with sexual chemistry to boot. Continue reading →