Title:

Oh, ho-ho. Michael knocked it out of the park with this joint read-and-review choice. Spanking, D/s, violet wands, vegetable safewords. Funny, hot and totally sexy.

MICHAEL’S TAKE

So Kaylee has been saving up for the moment of her life: a trip to The Castle, the hottest BDSM resort in Central Ohio. She gets to spend three whole days living out her fantasies.

She just has one teeny tiny little problem. She’s no clear idea of what her fantasies will be like in real life. She has never played, never been to a club, never done anything. And she is sure of one thing: if she tells The Truth, admits to her inexperience, she’ll be spending her entire stay in the kiddie pool wearing water wings.

So she lies. Not a big lie. She just wants them to think she has some experience. What could go wrong? It isn’t like they are going to drag her down to an underground dungeon and send in a Hulking Brute in an Executioner’s Mask with a Bullwhip, is it? Okay, so maybe it was a big lie.

What I loved most about this one was how patient the staff were with her. A fantasy doesn’t work out? Sure. No Problem. As soon as she’s dried her tears, they send her back to costuming and try again. (They had so many things to choose from in that department, I don’t think for a moment we saw everything it had to offer.) Not unlike Goldilocks, Kaylee just has to try and try again until she finds the kink that’s just right.

I think the most negative thing I can say about Kaylee’s Keeper is that it’s a little sad that The Castle isn’t actually real.

JANE’S TAKE

Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “Jane! Can you skydive?”
Jane: [Hell no, but you look kind of hot so I’ll give it a crack]: “Yes, of course I can! In fact, I used to be an instructor.”
Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “Awesome. Grab a parachute and get your arse in that plane over there.”
Jane: [How hard can it be?] “You’ve got it.”

6,000 feet later …

Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “Are you okay, Jane? You look kind of green …”
Jane: [Fucking hell this is high!!!] “Oh, fine, fine. I think I had a bad prawn at lunch.”

12,500 feet later …

Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “You ready to jump?”
Jane: [FUCK!!!] Totally … absolutely … er … definitely. My, that weather doesn’t look at all good, does it? Maybe we should turn back?”
Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “It’s 30 degrees and sunny with no wind.
Jane: [FUCK x 10!] “See! Terrible conditions!”
Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “Er, Jane? Are you sure you’ve done this before?
Jane: [Oh, my God. Does Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear suspect something? That I’m not, perhaps, the skydiving goddess he imagines? Act defensive! Put him off the scent!] “How dare you! What exactly are you suggesting?”
Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “That you may not know how to skydive?”
Jane: [He’s fishing! Play it cool; there’s no way he can know I’m not telling the truth …] “Now why on earth would you say that?”
Attractive Random Person Dressed in Skydiving Gear: “Well, for starters, you’re strapping yourself to the emergency first aid kit rather than your parachute.”

Have you ever fudged the truth a little? Massaged your C.V. to get that perfect job? Not been entirely honest on that health questionnaire: “How many times a week do you take regular exercise/eat chocolate/drink more than two units of alcohol?” (Never, no, every day, only at Easter, and only at weddings. (Snort.)) Well, Kaylee’s Keeper is all about what happens when a sub pretends to have a little – okay, a lot – more BDSM experience than she actually does (none).

“Have you ever engaged in BDSM play before? Kaylee checked off her answer, yes, and kept going, swallowing back that same slight twinge of guilt that she’d felt back when she first typed that lie. She had never played. Up until now, all of her spankings had been received through fantasy and daydreams.”

I loved this book for a number of reasons. It did a wonderful job of showing that the fantasies in our heads don’t always play out as we imagine they will in real life. It did a wonderful job of showing how important open and honest communication is between partners. It did a wonderful job of showing that we don’t automatically know what will turn us on, that we often discover these things over time, through experience, with patience. Oh, and it absolutely showed why it is never ever a good idea to lie to a Top.

I don’t want to say too much more and ruin this delightful tale for you, but I will confess that the violet wand scene at the end of this story is awesome, as is the one that leads up to and includes Kaylee’s first use of The Castle’s universal safeword, onion. You’ll never look at an Allium cepa in quite the same way again.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

Amazon.co.uk

• Kaylee’s Keeper (Masters of The Castle #2) – Kindle

Amazon.com

• Kaylee’s Keeper (Masters of The Castle #2) – Kindle

The post Kaylee’s Keeper (Masters of The Castle #2) – Maren Smith appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

If you’ve been rummaging around in the Chintz Toy Box, you may remember that last year, Thomas and Lizzie reviewed a set of Squeezer Teaser nipple clamps.  Low and behold, that post has gone on to become one the most popular and visited on Behind the Chintz Curtain and, even weeks and months after its publication, it continues to draw readers on a regular basis. It seems there’s a definite appetite to know more about the practice of nipple clamping – the various clamp styles, how they’re used, the pros and cons of the different designs out there, and the sensations they create.

How intense are they? Are they easy to get on? What happens, exactly, when you take them off?

To that end, I’ve asked the pair of them to put together a quick ‘n’ dirty overview of their clamping experiences, discussing their perceptions of the sensations clamps generate, and a breakdown of the benefits and hindrances of the various styles on offer.

IMPORTANT: This isn’t a ‘how to’ guide. If you think clamping is something you’d like to try, please make sure you do your homework and are aware of the risks involved/understand how to apply clamps safely. Please also take the time to read the Behind the Chintz Curtain disclaimer.

Sensation

Lizzie
First off, let me say this: clamping won’t be for everyone. To use the old flavouring analogy (although I’ll avoid the term ‘vanilla’) it’s all a matter of taste. For me, personally? I find that having my nipples clamped incredibly erotic and the sensation of compression a huge turn on. Bluntly, I get aroused by the pain they generate – the hit when they go on, the ache they generate once applied, and the devilish throb that kicks in when they come off. Some of the more intense styles also leave me feeling incredibly sensitive after removal and there is nothing nicer, I think, than experiencing the brush of clothing, or lips, or fingers a day or two later and being reminded of what Thomas and I did together to make them that way.

So what do clamps feel like, exactly? Well, the sensation depends on the style (whether they’re adjustable or not, the surface area they cover, their weight) but, broadly speaking, nipple clamps are all about pressure. They’re a step up from having your nipple pulled or squeezed between a thumb and forefinger; the pain isn’t sharp, more of an intense ache that blunts slightly during wear as the blood stops flowing into the nipple and intensifies (dramatically!) when they’re removed and the blood rushes back in. In fact, the latter sensation is probably the one that stands out most from my point-of-view and immediately afterwards the flesh of the nipple is incredibly, incredibly sensitive to touch. Nothing beats a mouth applied to one and gentle sucking in the immediate aftermath of removal, although the sensation is a push-me-pull-you one – almost too intense to stand.

Safety

Clamping does carry a degree of risk. Therefore, if you are going to engage in it, you need to make sure you know what you’re doing. We’re not medical professionals so cannot provide formal advice, only relate the precautions we take ourselves.

The main and most important point to be aware of: don’t leave clamps on, whatever style you use, for too long. We all know what happens when the blood supply is cut off to a body part (it can be permanently damaged and fall off) so keep that in mind at all times when using them. Personally, we don’t apply clamps for longer than fifteen minutes at any one time.

Nipple clamp styles

Tweezer clamps

Tweezer nipple clamps are carried by most mainstream sex toy retailers and we suspect are the style most people try in the first instance because they look the least intimidating and are adjustable. As the name suggests, each clamp looks like a pair of tweezers. The ends are bought together and thus produce pressure when the sliding toggle is slid along the arms – the closer to the ends the toggle sits, the more severe the clamp’s grip. Generally, the two tweezer clamps are connected together by a thin chain, although some feature small decorative charms.

The advantages:

• The toggle means that the clamps are very adjustable. You can dial the pressure up or down to suit the wearer.
• They’re slim and thus look quite elegant – and, if you like to accessorise, this style really lends itself to adornment.

The disadvantages:

• We’ve always found it difficult to adjust the toggles – they tend to stick and catch and it’s often quite difficult to get the pressure just right.
• They pull off easily. Although they often come with a tug-able chain, the grip most tweezer clamps have on a nipple isn’t particularly good/secure.
• The surface area of the clamp end on a tweezer isn’t very wide, so those with larger nipples may still get blood-flow through once applied and thus find the effects aren’t intense enough.

Verdict: our least favourite style of clamp. We have some, but they never get used.

Screw clamps

Image: Sex and Mischief feathered screw clamps courtesy of ohtique

There are loads of different screw clamp designs on the market. Like their tweezer clamp siblings, they offer the ability to adjust the level of pressure applied and, accordingly, give some flexibility to the clamping experience. However, the clamp intensity is adjusted via a small screw at the side of the clamp rather than by a sliding toggle.

The advantages:

• Compared to tweezer clamps, you have much better control over the level of grip (the screws allow for a far greater degree of fine-tuning than a sliding toggle).
• They’re relatively small in size and often come with decorations or a connecting chain.

The disadvantages:

• Like tweezer clamps, they can pull off under strain.
• Although more ‘accurate’ in terms of pressure application, they can be fiddly to use. Not great if dexterity isn’t your strong suit.

Verdict: their adjustability is definitely a plus for beginners – and the loading is more accurate than with tweezers – but if you’re after intensity, you’d be better off with a clover, Mawa or Thai stick.

Japanese clover clamps

This is the style of clamp that we reviewed for our Squeeze, tease: the agony and ecstasy of nipple clamps post. As you may have gathered from that write up, we like them. A lot. They’re easy to apply, have a great intensity (they’re spring loaded) and the design means that they tighten (rather than slide off) if pulled upon – and that also means you can add weights to them and still expect them to remain in place. That said, clovers do tend to be quite large (they’re far bigger than screw and tweezer clamps) so aren’t really the most delicate looks-wise, although you can soften their appearance somewhat and pretty them up a little by adding ribbons and other threadable adornments.

The advantages:

• Once they’re on, they’re on! Japanese clovers have some serious grip and are extremely secure once placed.
• Easy to apply – we’re talking seconds.
• Clover clamps give an excellent (excellent) level of intensity.
• The after-effect factor. Because of the strength of these clamps, your nipples often remain sensitive, even after they’re removed.
• Their size means they sway around nicely if left on during sex, which tends to ‘freshen’ the feeling of the clamps in the same way that pulling and twisting does.

The disadvantages:

• You can’t adjust the pressure – there’s only one intensity choice and that’s ‘on’!
• They’re quite large and not the most delicate looking.

Verdict: the pressure these generate is outstanding and they don’t slip when toyed/played with during use. A really good clamp for those who are comfortable with discomfort and want to experiment with more significant pain levels.

Mawas

These guys look a little scary – they have a strong resemblance to stationary bulldog clips – and, like clovers, are not adjustable. Unsurprisingly, they exert some high-end pressure, however, their broad clamping edge means that the load is spread over a decent area. We definitely prefer this style of nipple clamp to the tweezer and screw varieties but, having said that, if picking between these and Japanese clover clamps, would go for the latter from a sensation and looks point of view.

The advantages:

• Really easy to apply – like clover clamps, you simply squeeze them open and place them on the nipples.
• Brilliant if you want something with serious wellie.
• Mawas often come with weight hooks, which means there’s room for more ‘ouch’.

The disadvantages:

• No room for adjustment. Significant pressure from the word ‘go’.
• Mawa clamps have a very ‘industrial’ look. If you’re after ‘pretty’, these may not be for you.
• Very similar to a clothes peg and/or stationary clip in design and you could potentially substitute either of those for a set of these for less cost.

Verdict: robust, simple and should be in every sadist’s toy box. Definitely not a style that we would recommend to beginners or those who aren’t into more marked pain.

*You can read our full review of this style of clamp here.

Thai nipple sticks

Look like chopsticks with a rubber band and, really, that’s kind of what they are, only somewhat more refined for purpose. You separate the sticks slightly, slide them over the nipple to get them in place, and then adjust the position of the bands at either end to ramp up the intensity of the clamping. This style is like a hybrid of the clover and the tweezer clamp, although it has to be said that the pressure starting point is much more intense than the latter – even before the bands are adjusted, there’s some intensity to the grip of these.

We’ve only recently started using Thai nipple sticks but have to say it’s a toss up between these and clovers with regard to pride of place in our toy box. They’re really easy to place and adjust, are aesthetically pleasing once in position, and provide interesting opportunities for pulling and twisting the nipple.

The advantages:

• Can be placed in a flash.
• Exert strong pressure immediately – and this can be increased very simply.
• The bands are really easy to move up and down the sticks, unlike the toggles you find on tweezer clamps.
• Look pretty on.
• The bamboo variety (which we have) is relatively inexpensive.

The disadvantages:

• They’re adjustable, but the entry point is one of reasonably intense pressure.
• Because they’re long and thin, the ends can poke you in the torso if you’re bent forwards whilst wearing them.

Verdict: the pressure of a Japanese clover clamp with the added bonus of adjustability. A really brilliant all-round nipple clamp.

Our picks

• Best nipple clamp style for beginners – screw clamps
• Best nipple clamp style for masochists – Mawas or Japanese clover clamps
• Best all-round design – Thai nipple sticks

Where to find them

Tweezer clamps

• Tweezer nipple clamp with chain – Bondara 
• Spartacus adjustable tweezer nipple clamps – Lovehoney 
• Fifty Shades of Grey, The Pinch (adjustable nipple clamps) – Lovehoney 

Screw clamps

• Sex & Mischief feathered nipple clamps – ohtique 
• Spartacus adjustable screw clamps with chain – Lovehoney 
• Erotic crystal nipple clamps – Bondara 
• Fresh Alligator nipple clips (blue and pink) – Lovehoney 

Japanese clover clamps

• Monarch Noir nipple clamps – Passion8
  
• Japanese clover nipple clamps, Squeezer Teaser – Bondara 
• Squeezer Teaser nipple clamps – Lovehoney 

Mawa clamps

• Mawa nipple clamps – UberKinky 

Thai nipple sticks

• House of Eros Thai nipple sticks (bamboo) – SexShop365
• Ultimate nipple sticks – Bondara
• Deluxe stainless steel nipple sticks – Lovehoney 

The post From tweezers to clovers: a rough guide to nipple clamps appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Shimmy mini pleasure wand and Drive Me Balmy arousal balm gift set
From: Swoon (part of the Lovehoney group)
Price: £14.99
Material(s) & Ingredients: Shimmy mini pleasure wand – soft-touch plastic (latex and phthalate free) • Drive Me Balmy arousal balm – (99% natural): Cocos Nucifera Oil (Coconut Oil), Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil, Olea Europa Fruit Oil (Olive Oil), Simmondsia Chinensis Oil (Jojoba Oil), Glycine Soja Oil (Soya Oil), Camellia Sinensis Leaf Oil (Camellia Oil), Butyrospermum Parkii Fruit (Shea Butter), Tocopherol (Vitamin E), Parfum, Menthol, Brassica Napus Seed Oil (Rapeseed Oil), Crambe Abyssinica Seed Oil (Crambe Oil), Borago Officinalis Seed Oil (Starfower Oil), Camelina Sativa Seed Oil (Camelina Oil), Ribes Nigrum Seed Oil (Blackcurrant Oil), Echium Plantagineum Seed Oil (Echium Oil), Bisabolol, Benzyl Alcohol, Coumarin, Amyl Cinnamate
Reviewer: Lizzie

The Swoon Shimmy. Nope, it’s not a new Strictly Come Dancing routine but a little bullet vibrator from the folks over at Lovehoney. The question is, did it make Lizzie want to tango? And was she Driven Balmy?

First thoughts
The Shimmy is the first new vibrator that I’ve tried out in what seems like ages (we’re talking calendar months!) and, I have to say, I was quite looking forward to putting it through its paces. That said, I haven’t come across a vibrator that’s really knocked my socks off for quite some time, big or small, so wasn’t getting my hopes up too high for the size and the price of this one. I do have a bit of a thing for lotions and potions that stimulate the clitoris, though, so was very interested to see how the Swoon formulation compared against my current favourite, Durex O.

The packaging
Nice colourways – mint green and black, with flapper-esque photos of the greyscale variety. You can’t really tell that there’s a sex toy inside the box unless you read the copy, which speaks to Lovehoney’s intent to sell the Swoon products through pharmacies such as Boots. Inside the main box, a glossy little tin (featuring identical branding), which opens to reveal the white Shimmy (although it’s billed as a pleasure wand, it’s really a bullet vibrator), a small (7 gram) tub of Drive me Balmy arousal balm, and a spare AAA alkaline battery (there’s one already contained within the Shimmy) – all encased in moulded foam. Very cute, really, and highly reminiscent of the beauty brand Soap and Glory.

The vibrator and balm
Emergency memo to Swoon design department! Who on earth thought that white was a good colour for the Shimmy?! At this size, with the little green waterproof seal stripe, this bullet looks exactly like a tampon.

You even twist it to get to the battery chamber in the same way you would a tampon wrapper. Don’t get me wrong, tampons are great and all, but they don’t scream sexy. They scream personal hygiene. And cramps. Lest you think I’m being overly critical and that I was the only one who made the sanitary product connection, Thomas’s first words to me as he watched me turning the Shimmy over in my hands were ‘That looks like a tampon’. Myself? I would’ve gone for black or green and avoided the whole product confusion issue entirely.

In use

Drive Me Balmy*
So, when I finally got the chance to apply this to myself, I opened the tin up to find that Thomas had already beaten me to it and taken out a sneaky dab to rub on himself during a session we’d had the previous night. (I wasn’t in a position to see him do it but I did recall thinking things seemed to be, er, progressing a little more quickly than usual at the time.) When questioned, he confirmed that he had, indeed, had his fingers in the balm jar and the sensations it created when applied to his penis had been rather pleasant. Naturally, I was keen to see if it would have the same effect on me.

To start with, I applied a little balm to my clitoris with my fingers and then used the Shimmy to spread it around the vulva; it melted very nicely with my body heat and a little seemed to go a reasonably long way. However, I did notice that the Drive me Balmy had a slightly oily texture and thus began to wonder whether it was safe to use with latex condoms – extremely important information if, like Thomas and I, you use them as your main form of contraception. After scouring the paper instructions (no joy) I finally found the following notice in very small print on the bottom of the Shimmy’s exterior box and the Drive me Balmy tin: ‘Not for use with latex condoms’.

The effects? Pleasant. I experienced a mild to moderate cooling sensation (the ‘toothpaste effect’, as I like to call it), which seemed to increase bloodflow and make my clitoris slightly more engorged. As a result, it was easier to stimulate myself with the Shimmy pleasure wand.  To be clear, the sensations the balm produced weren’t overly drastic but I could definitely feel something going on down there! Did I prefer it to Durex O? No. But I certainly wouldn’t object to having Drive me Balmy applied to my girly parts in the future.

The Shimmy
When I first switched it on I thought I’d unleashed an angry mosquito. The Shimmy isn’t exactly loud, but neither is it particularly quiet. It has three speed settings – all controlled by a small button at the base – and, at the highest one, it really gets quite a buzz going on.

I started with the Shimmy on the lowest notch but, as soon as I became aroused, dialled things up to the highest. At full power, the vibrations were pleasantly strong – certainly enough to stimulate without vaginal penetration – and I was pleased to find that, in conjunction with the Drive me Balmy, I was having a very enjoyable clitoral orgasm within the space of ten minutes (from a cold start, that’s pretty quick for me). The Shimmy’s size made it particularly manoeuvrable, too, which meant I could get it in just the right places (you can easily run it around the entrance of the vagina, over and around the clitoral hood). Even better, it was the perfect size to stimulate Thomas’s testicles and perineum – which meant I was able to give him a very lovely buzzy hand-job once I’d finished dealing with myself.

Clean-up was short and sweet – because the Shimmy is waterproof, it was the work of a minute to wash it in warm water and antibacterial soap – although I did pay extra attention to the tip of the bullet as there is a moulding notch there that could very easily attract build up.

The verdict?
Because it’s so small and the packaging so inoffensive, I think the Shimmy is perfect for beginners or those looking for something super discrete (this is an excellent travel vibrator) and I had more fun with it than some of the bigger, more expensive vibes I’ve tried over the past year. It’s not super cheap – I think the RRP of £14.99 is a little steep for what you get – but this little bullet is certainly powerful enough to get the job done, especially when coupled with the Drive me Balmy arousal balm. And I loved that both Thomas and I could both use the contents of the Shimmy tin. It would make a lovely, saucy little gift, too.

In summary

Things I liked:

• The strength of the Shimmy’s vibrations. It’s small but mighty!
• The discrete packaging. No one’s going to glance at the Shimmy tin and think ‘vibrator’.
• The fact that both Thomas and I were able to benefit from the vibrator and balm – the size of the former is perfect for man parts and the balm seems to work just as well on men as it does on women.

Things I wasn’t so keen on:

• The colour of the Shimmy. The white plastic body really does make it look like a tampon.
• The size of the Drive me Balmy tin. Seven grams isn’t a lot and, depending on how much of the balm you apply, I’d say you’re looking at two to five uses, max.
• The very small latex condom warning. This needs to be far, far more prominent.
• The price. Buying the Shimmy isn’t going to break the bank but, equally, there are some good bullets out there for less than a ten pounds. You’re paying for the packaging with this one.

*Drive me Balmy pleasure balm can be purchased separately from the Shimmy in 20 gram pots.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase:

Lovehoney

• Swoon Shimmy mini pleasure wand and Drive Me Balmy arousal balm set
• Drive me Balmy pleasure balm – 20 grams

Boots

• Swoon Shimmy mini pleasure wand and Drive Me Balmy arousal balm set
• Drive me Balmy pleasure balm – 20 grams

The post Did the Shimmy make me Swoon? appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: RO-100mm soft tip bullet vibrator
From: Rocks-Off
Price: from £12.90 (varies by retailer)
Material(s): chrome-plated ABS/silicone tip
Reviewer: D

This Rocks-Off RO-100mm bullet write-up is a special one, because it is has been undertaken by my newest reviewer, D, who is an amazing 74-years-of-age. All of you out there who think that sex toys aren’t for those of increased maturity? Think again!  Reading her comments on this little vibe was fascinating – and I’m thinking that maybe I should have given her something a bit bigger to kick off with!

All I can say is that I hope I’m as wonderful and sexy as D is when I hit my 70s …

Packaging
Simple. Functional. Not very exciting.

Size and design
The size is fine if this is intended for a fairly inexperienced and modest user! They say size matters, but that is all relative, I guess. The RO-100mm was good for me as an inexperienced operator, but having seen something much more exciting (i.e. the Swan you recently received for review!), the Rocks-Off bullet seems a bit of a sparrow!

Value for money
Fabulous.

Materials/construction
Good quality; smooth with a very comfortable tip. I liked the black and silver colour combination although I understand the tip is available in different colours*, including pink. If the pink is a natural, flesh tone then I think this would be very acceptable, too. More attractive packaging would be appreciated but at such a modest price, one can’t have everything!

Ease of use
Very easy to use (you don’t have to be a rocket scientist) but the instructions are extremely difficult to read as the printing on the leaflet is microscopic. No problems with taking off the battery protector tab off (it runs on a single LR1 battery) or getting it started. Simple to clean.

Level of vibration
Well, I guess it all depends on what the user is used to! For ‘old hands’ who are used to a high level of vibration, this Rocks-Off bullet will probably be too tame. I found it fine, but then I don’t need a lot of intensity. (I think this is a very difficult area to assess as everyone is so different in their sexual needs and make-ups.) I liked it but haven’t had much experience with other vibrators. My feeling is that this bullet would be very suitable as an introductory model.

Anything else?
Just be careful not to ‘lose it’ during use! At 4 inches (10 centimetres) long and 0.8 of an inch (2 centimetres) wide, it is quite small!

In summary

Pluses:

• Value for money;
• Visually pleasing;
• Good for beginners.

Minuses:

• Extremely basic packaging;
• Difficult-to-read instructions.

*The Rocks-Off RO-100mm bullet is also available in blue, pink and red.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase (colour availability varies by retailer):

• Bondara
• Chemist Direct
• Passion8
• Amazon.com

The post Get your Rocks-Off no matter what your age appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Fantasy Man vibrators (The Fireman, The Millionaire, The Tennis Coach, The Frenchman)
From: Smile Makers
Price:  €39.95
Material(s): silicone
Reviewer: Jane

Every so often, I do Alert Me posts, which are basically round-ups of – unrelated – news stories I’ve come across during my travels about the Interweb. Sometimes they’re about sex toys, sometimes about erotica, sometimes about eBooks. Occasionally, they’re about completely random things that have simply taken my fancy.

Anyhow, back in December I wrote an Alert Me that included an article about some new Fantasy Man vibrators from a company called Smile Makers. Basically, they’re vibes based on the stereotypical hunks of romance: The Millionaire, The Fireman, The Frenchman, The Tennis Coach.

Well, Smile Makers saw the post I did and a week or so later got in touch to ask whether I’d like to review them. To which the answer was, of course, ‘Oh, yes!’.

What did I think of this quartet of romance-novel inspired manliness? Well …

The packaging

Love it! The stylised images of the vibrators on the boxes are really different and fun, leaps and bounds beyond most of the sex toy packaging you see for products in the sub £50.00 price range. The back-of-box copy is particularly hilarious; each Fantasy Man has his own personal ‘bio’, written in Mills & Boon-esque prose, that cannot fail to bring a smile to your face:

Per The Frenchman:

‘Who knows what he’s saying, but does it matter? This sexy linguist has got you locked in this gaze and soon you’ll be delightfully fluent in his native tongue. So make yourself comfortable, mademoiselle, because when it comes to passion this master’s going to give you an education.’

Phwoar!

The only thing I would say is that the construction material isn’t listed on the exterior packaging. If you were picking a Smile Maker up off the shelf – rather than buying one online – you wouldn’t know it was made of silicone.

The vibrators themselves

Getting them out of their boxes, I was immediately struck by their size. I couldn’t find any dimensions on the Smile Makers website, www.comeplaywithus.com, and they were a lot smaller than I thought they would be.

Each Smile Makers Fantasy Man is just under six inches in length, with a main shaft diameter that’s fractionally shy of an inch. The Frenchman and Fireman, however, both reach 1.6 inches at their widest points. (Before you let that measurement scare the bejeezus out of you keep in mind that both of these fellas are supposed to be used externally rather than internally.) They all run off a single triple AAA battery and are waterproof, too, so you can take them into the shower or bath without any worries.

The Fantasy Men have all been designed to do slightly different things: The Fireman to be rubbed across the vulva (his ‘nose’ is used to stimulate the clitoris); the Frenchman to be used like a tongue on your outer bits; the Tennis Coach to stimulate the G-Spot; and the Millionaire to multi-task (he’s a basically a large bullet).

Shape-wise, I thought the Frenchman, the Millionaire and the Fireman were great. The Frenchman, in particular, was extremely flexible and I think he was probably the hunky standout from an ergonomic perspective. (Looking at him online I was a bit unsure, but in person? I liked him a lot.)

The Tennis Coach I had more trouble with. Because of the short stem, it was difficult to hold and angle him to hit the G-Spot. I tried with a partner and without and we both struggled to get a good angle and maintain a decent grip. Trying to get the Tennis Coach in the right place also meant that the shaft of the vibrator very quickly became slippery and thus more and more tricky to hold on to.

Volume levels?

Excellent. These are probably some of the quietest vibrators I’ve used.

Power

For me, personally, the Smile Makers weren’t strong enough. By which I mean that I wasn’t able to use them and achieve an orgasm without additional stimulation, e.g. hands, fingers, etc. That said, the Fantasy Men have been specifically designed for first-timers looking for gentler vibrations. In other words, if you’re particularly sensitive, have never bought a sex toy before, or the idea of a bigger, more powerful vibrator scares you, these would likely be a good choice.

In summary

I love the Smile Makers branding, packaging and aesthetics and, with the exception of the Tennis Coach, I think the designs are excellent. They’d make lovely, fun gifts for friends and partners, too. I don’t think they’ll satisfy those ‘old hands’ who like stronger vibrations, but if you’re after something quiet and gentle they’re definitely worth a look.

Tickle your fancy? You can buy a Fantasy Man by clicking on one of the links below:

• The Fireman
• The Frenchman
• The Millionaire
• The Tennis Coach

*Please note that the Smile Makers Fantasy Men vibrators were provided free of charge in exchange for a fair review.

The post Going to bed with a Fantasy Man appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings Restraint Kit
From: UberKinky
Price: £25.99
Material(s): Nylon (cuffs and webbing straps), Velcro (cuffs), Metal (fasteners), plastic (buckles)
Reviewers: Lizzie & Thomas

Like the idea of bondage? Looking to tie someone to your bed? UberKinky very kindly sent us this Fetish Fantasy underbed restraint system to try out. If you’re sick of messing about with ties, scarves and dressing gown belts, it could be perfect for you. (And you don’t need a fancy wrought iron headboard, either!)

First thoughts …

Lizzie
Up until now, Thomas and I have been using a homemade bed bondage rig, which has served us pretty well over the past few years but first impressions? These Fetish Fantasy underbed restraints appear to be quite a step up. (Sorry, Thomas. That’s not a comment on your DIY skills – it’s just that this system looks so much quicker and simpler to use.)

Webbing straps; soft, detachable cuffs; quick-release Velcro … 

Thomas
I’ve looked at these underbed restraint systems in the past but wasn’t convinced they would work, so it will be interesting to see how this one performs. And there is nothing wrong with cable anchors and Japanese bondage rope tied to a bed base, so there! It may not look pretty but it does the job!

The packaging …

Lizzie
A white box with a picture of a woman in latex bound to a bed. To be fair, it does show you what’s inside but the message isn’t exactly subtle. The word ‘Fetish’ is in enormous font, too.

Thomas
The typical packaging for a bondage product, showing a model in bondage gear writhing about whilst being basically unrestrained by the restraint system. I’m not sure how easy it would actually be to get those pants off her. Maybe that’s why her arms are so free?

*Please note that the box displayed on the UberKinky website is different to the one we received for review.

The construction …

Lizzie
Five webbing straps with plastic adjustors so that you can alter their lengths (think backpack straps) connected together by metal D-rings.

The four cuffs are made of soft, spongy Nylon, have Velcro fasteners, and are connected to the ends of the webbing with metal clips (the sort you would find on the end of a dog leash) and lightweight O-rings.

Thomas
Pretty standard stuff. The ties, cuffs and links are all up to the job but are not heavy duty (the cuffs are single stitched and the O-rings slender), so I would not use them for any other bondage senerio where you would expect more weight to be placed on them. (No hanging from the ceiling, etc.!!)

The Velcro cuffs are easy to use, are secure and will not leave marks.

The only downside I can see is that the plastic turn buckles (like the type you see on camping gear) could potentially work loose if not under tension all the time, e.g. if someone is wriggling around on the bed.

Using them …

Lizzie
If you’re on the smaller side, like me, I’d say you’ll almost certainly need some help getting these underbed restraints in place.

You have to flip the mattress up, position the central strap so that it runs vertically down the middle of the bedframe (on top of the slats), and then make sure that the other four straps are placed so that two poke out near the footboard and two poke out near the headboard. (Think two capital Ys lying on their sides, foot-to-foot.) Then the mattress has to be lowered back down on top of all the webbing lengths to hold them in position. Thomas managed to do all this by himself without too much trouble, but I think I definitely would have struggled if I’d tried to do it on my own.

When it came time to place me in bondage? Folks, I have never been restrained more quickly! The Velcro fastenings meant that those cuffs were on in record time (a lot quicker to get in place than the buckled ones we normally use) and adjusting the fit was a matter of a few lightening-fast seconds. We were also able to dispense with the attaching of each cuff to our regular rope-tie system – something that generally takes quite a while. (Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be worked over slowly – it adds to the anticipation – but there are times when efficiency is good, too.)

Once I was secured, Thomas was able to play about with the webbing tensions and stretch or release the ‘pull’ on each of my limbs as he saw fit. And this is where the soft cuffs really came into their own. The leather cuffs I normally wear for this type of bondage, although perfectly comfortable, are nowhere near as supple as the Nylon ones that come with this Fetish Fantasy restraint system. And having that soft, flexible material made all the difference circulation-wise. (I could easily have spent quite some time tied up in these without needing a break.) Similarly, straining against them during sex wasn’t an issue either. The hold of the cuffs was comfortable, even when Thomas’s movements were more vigorous.

The fact that the person in bondage can be released in an instant, repositioned, and re-clipped is a huge advantage, too. These underbed restraints give you the flexibility to turn your partner over, release an arm, release a leg, etc., with minimal hassle. You’re not locked into ‘first position’.

My only criticism? The restraints, even at full tension, still leave you with quite a bit of movement. In other words, they don’t fully immobilise the person who is tied up.

Thomas
The system is easy to get in place, easy to use, and works well if you have a smaller partner and a largish bed. Lizzie is quite petite so I can (almost) stretch her out so she is fully restrained. I say almost, as it is quite surprising how tall someone is when their arms are above their head. This exposes the one weakness of this system: that the two ties at the top and bottom can easily pull together, which reduces the effectiveness of the restraints considerably.

If you really want to hold you partner down, you will need to tie the cuffs to the sides of your bed base as well so they can’t pull in. This would make the system much more effective for taller people as well, who, at the moment, will find that either their arms or legs will be dangling over the top or bottom edges of the bed. Unfortunately, the system does not come with the aforementioned ties to do this, so back to the good old bondage rope, cables, and some DIY tying to secure the cuffs!

Any downsides?

Lizzie
As mentioned, these underbed restraints leave the arms a little too close together. If your ‘tie-ee’ is naughty enough to want to break free, and on their stomach, they may be able to do it as this underbed restraint design doesn’t allow the ‘tie-er’ to spread-eagle the person in bondage. This is more of a ‘put them on the rack’ type of restraint. However, you could probably achieve a more ‘open’ pose (bed type willing) using Thomas’ suggestion above.

Thomas
This is a simple way of adding some bondage restraints to your bed and does work well for what it is. In my opinion, this Fetish Fantasy restraint system is really a beginner’s product and would be best for those just starting to dabble with bondage.

If you are looking to really immobilise your partner, you will need something more elaborate than this but this is a good introductory system to see if you’re both ‘up for it’ (or ‘down for it’).

The verdict?

Lizzie
A well thought-out underbed restraint system that that’s both comfortable and safe. The Nylon cuffs are really kind to the skin – even when you’re straining against them – and the release clips and Velcro fastenings mean that your partner can get you free in a hurry if they need to.

I would definitely recommend these underbed restraints to those who’re just beginning to experiment with bondage. They make the whole ‘tying up’ process that much easier and more enjoyable. And they aren’t too harsh. If your preference is for more restrictive bondage, however, be aware that you’ll likely need to modify these restraints to suit your needs.

Thomas
Easy and fun to use. Great for beginners.

In summary …

Things we liked …

• The safety factor. These cuffs are extremely easy to do up and undo – and the Velcro means that adjusting them to fit smaller or larger wrists is really simple.
• A free eyemask is included with the system.
• The detachment clips. You can cuff your partner and play with them before snapping them into the system, and easily reposition them during bondage play.
• The supplied cuffs are super comfortable. Very soft and pliable, even under tension.
• Once this underbed system’s in place, it’s easy to tuck it beneath the edges of your mattress, which means you don’t have to haul the latter off the bed base and re-install the system each time you want to use it.

Things we weren’t so keen on …

• This bondage system isn’t particularly restrictive. The design allows for a fair bit of movement.
• Might not suit those who are on the taller side.

Tickle your fancy? Click here to buy the Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Bed Bindings Restraint Kit from UberKinky or, alternatively, here to see their full range of underbed restraint systems.

*Please note that this item was provided free of charge by UberKinky in exchange for a fair review.

The post Hassle-free bondage: the Fetish Fantasy underbed restraint system appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

What we used: Pony Play Butt Plug Whip (small)
Brand: Doc Johnson
From: UberKinky
Price: £19.99
Material(s): plug – PVC (latex-free, phthalate-free); tail whip – synthetic (unspecified)

If you like the idea of a butt plug with a little decoration, or have a penchant for pony play, the Doc Johnson Pony Play Butt Plug Whip may be all the excuse you need to mount up.

First thoughts …

Lizzie
The very first butt plug I ever tried – quite a few years back now – was a Doc Johnson offering and it looked very, very similar to this one – albeit slightly larger and without the glossy black tail sprouting from the base. I really liked that old plug, so was very much looking forward to trying this one out.

The first word that sprang to mind looking at this toy? Cute! It’s a very manageable size and the tail gives it lovely kinky little twist. Pony play isn’t one of my particular kinks but I do love the idea of decorative butt plugs, so the Pony Play Butt Plug Whip fits that bill perfectly.

Thomas
This is a small butt plug, not much bigger than a finger. It does have a large base, though – which is essential, as you don’t want to lose your toy while in use! The tail ‘hair’ (if you can call it that) is attached to the latter and made from rather wiry plastic stands. Honestly, it’s not the most pleasantly tactile material I’ve ever come across but the choice of synthetic does herald easy cleaning.

The construction …

Lizzie
The butt plug itself is made of nice, soft PVC, which, in my experience, is important if you’re new to anal play/anal sex. Why? Because it has a bit of give to it and that makes a plug slightly easier to ‘take’ when it’s being inserted. (Glass, steel and ceramic plugs don’t compress in the same way.) The only downside is that it has a slight plasticky smell about it, although this isn’t particularly strong.

Size-wise, this butt plug is very unassuming. It has an insertable length of 9.5 centimetres (3.75 inches) and a diameter of 2.5 centimetres (1 inch). In real terms, that’s just slightly bigger than the average masculine index finger. A perfect size if you’re a beginner.

The tail is attached to the base of the plug and made of what looks to be strands of black nylon, which are approximately 40 centimetres (15.75 inches) in length.

Thomas
The plug is much the same as others we have used except for the tail, which looks to be well attached. It’s a very simple toy, really; you just need to make sure you clean it well before and after use with hot water, anti-bac soap, and toy cleaner. The widest point of the butt plug is not much larger than the tip, so it’s not particularly intimidating.

Using it

Lizzie
Thomas took my by surprise with this one because I’d completely forgotten that the tail on this butt plug could be used as a whip. The first time he struck me with it I was blindfolded and got very confused about what was actually making contact with me. (I know all the toys in our toy box extremely well and can generally tell straight away which one he’s using on me – sight or no sight.) The impact was very mild in the scheme of things but because the whip strands are synthetic, you do get the merest hint of a sting from the ends if there’s enough force behind the blow.

Because I’m used to anal sex and other anal toys, inserting the actual butt plug section wasn’t a problem for me but all the usual golden rules applied: lots and lots of lube, warm up with fingers first, relax. However, once it was inserted I did encounter something new.

Over the years, Thomas and I have tried out a lot of butt plugs but they’ve all generally been medium in size. Because the Pony Play Butt Plug Whip is relatively slender and doesn’t have a particularly deep groove at the base to lodge it in the same way as a larger plug, I really had to work to hold it in place. For some people, this might be a minus but for us, this actually gave us the opportunity to play a rather nice game: If I dropped the plug, I got a punishment. If I kept it in place, I got a reward. (Although the ‘reward’ was a double-edged sword as I had to try and hold the damn thing in whilst having an orgasm – and that wasn’t particularly easy!)

I did like feeling the brush of the tail against my legs but for obvious reasons I can’t say how it looked from an in-situ aesthetics perspective. I do know, however, that contracting my internal muscles to hold the butt plug in place caused the tail to twitch – and Thomas definitely liked the look of that.

Thomas
After a good clean with toy cleaner to start (essential) and giving Lizzie a proper warm-up it was time to try it out.

First up, a bit of anticipatory whipping. The plug made a decent handle and was quite good to hold onto, but the hair tail didn’t have a lot of weight to it so I needed to get a good swing going to give Lizzie a reasonable flick. With that in mind, I wouldn’t rave about it but it’s a decent whip for more sensitive areas or those who want a lighter touch.

The butt plug. As with all anal play, the rule is too much lube is about the right amount. I wasn’t overly gentle inserting this toy as Lizze is used to both anal sex and slightly larger items, so after a copious amount of lube was applied to the plug and her, in it went. Generally, I like to tease Lizzie as I insert anal toys, usually holding them at the widest point for a few seconds to get the best reaction out of her. As this plug had a relatively small girth, though, the effect when I did this was not as great and her reaction was rather muted. I also noticed she was having trouble holding it in (not an issue with larger plugs) due to the very shallow ridge between the body and the base stem, which is there – in theory – to seat the plug and stop it sliding out. So as Lizzie mentioned above, I decided we’d play a game of ‘hold it in or else’, which was quite fun. Her failure involved several punishments for disobedience and there were several rewards for complying – which, in turn, caused her to fail. (It’s a difficult job but someone has to teach her.)

As for the look, pony play has never been my thing, although I do like riding ;-). And I must say Lizzie looked very fetching with a tail; seeing her wearing this plug was undoubtedly a turn on for me – especially when she made strands of hair move with her efforts to keep hold of it.

I think if the plug was larger (and less likely to fall out) there would be more you could do with the tail (tugging, pulling, leading, etc.) so if you or your partner can cope with a bit more width, I’d suggest going for this toy in the next size up (medium).

The verdict?

Lizzie
An adorable little butt plug that will appeal to those who enjoy role play – pony play in particular – and/or those who like their anal toys with a bit of decoration. The plug section of this toy is a perfect size for beginners, but be aware that you’ll need to do some work with your internal muscles to hold it in place. (If you want a plug that goes in and stays in without any effort on the wearer’s part, you might want to opt for the Pony Play Butt Plug Whip in medium rather than small. Keep in mind, though, that you will need to stretch more to accommodate the wider diameter.)

Thomas
I nice little plug, good for beginners, or if you are into pony play and want something easy on the bottom. I don’t think it would satisfy anyone who’s keen on anal play for too long as it is quite small and the tendency to fall out could be annoying. I also suspect those who’re into pony play in a serious way may want something with more realistic hair. But, like we have said, it’s a good starter.

In summary …

Things we liked …

• The plug material. It’s not too firm and gives a little upon insertion.
• The ‘accessible kink’ factor. From a purely functional perspective, this is a very mild toy but it covers a lot of bases: anal sex and decoration, whips, and role play. You can use it for just one of these things – or all three.
• The colours. The contrast of the red plug and black tail is very pleasing.

Things we weren’t so keen on …

• The PVC odour, but that’s a very minor quibble.
• This plug does require the wearer to hold it in place, so the Pony Play Butt Plug Whip in medium would be a better choice for those who want a more secure fit.
• The ‘hair’ is okay for a whip, but not very tail-like.

Tickle your fancy? Click here to buy the Pony Play Butt Plug Whip (in small and medium) from UberKinky.

*Please note that this item was provided free of charge by UberKinky in exchange for a fair review.

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