Behind the Chintz Curtain » BDSM

Wicked Wednesday: I touch myself

Jane — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 00:40:42 +0000

Prompt #111: Masturbation Fodder

(Second related theme : selfies)

You take a pic. You angle it for your best assets to show. You write a short piece. It’s hot sweaty sticky and delicious. You make these public, you share. Do you care what the viewer or reader does with them? Does it turn you on to know that you stimulate? Do they ask you for permission bringing you into their pleasure? Does it humiliate you to be reduced to their masturbation fodder, you a merely specimen of the species?

Conversely, that picture, the light, the angles, something’s clicks. The words, the ideas, the movement of the story. Your body reacts. You save it for later. You know why. A private movement and moment. Do you value it less for it’s immediate function? Is it art or literature when you masturbate over it? Are they human or porn in that moment of pleasure? Do you read the words or stare intently at the picture, or use it just to get you going? Do you return to favourite pieces?

Sorry, folks. I know my header clip is beyond obvious but I adore this Divinyls song – excellent memories of dancing about to it at university with a dildo and a whole bunch of other girls for the visual pleasure of a single guy (long story) – and just couldn’t stop myself from including it here.

Before I start babbling, can I just say that this is a bloody awesome Wicked Wednesday prompt by @tigger_sub. It made me realise that in the entire two years of blogging here on Chintz that I’ve never done a post on masturbation, which is both extremely shameful (not the act of masturbation, the fact that I haven’t written anything about it) and incredibly ironic considering that of all the sexual acts I enjoy and partake in, it’s the one I engage in most frequently.

Before I get to the crux of Tigger’s prompt, a little background …

I stumbled upon this rather delicious form of sex at a relatively young age and quite by accident. I used to ride a lot as a child and although it’s something of a cliché, I invariably discovered that when I sat astride a pony and my bottom was connecting with the saddle in a certain way (generally at a walk) something bloody amazing happened:

I got this incredible feeling between my legs.

A feeling that, provided I maintained whatever friction and rhythm I had going on against the tack, invariably spread over my whole body before peaking and leaving me feeling unbelievably good. Cataclysmically good … although on occasion pursuing it almost made me fall sideways off my horse. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to work out that I could recreate this very moreish sensation with my fingers, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I don’t recall specifically when masturbation and fantasy started to hold hands with one another but I can tell you that when I discovered eighties bonk-busters, just before hitting my early teens, that the two become irrevocably intertwined. And that to this day, the written word remains my masturbatory aid of choice.

Why?

Well, while I definitely find certain images arousing to look at, I get far (far) more mileage and satisfaction out of scenes that I am able to paint in my own mind through textual cues. I like to be able to imagine – to spin a situation in my head to make it suit my purpose, i.e. getting myself off.

So, what sorts of things, exactly, will cause my fingers to drift south? And do I return to the same masturbation fodder over and over again? In asking myself these questions, I am reminded of a different one asked of Molly Moore during a session at Eroticon 2013:

“When did you know you were submissive?”

Well, if you were to ask that same question of me (and I consider myself to be a pretty messy mix of bottom and sub), I’d say that my textual masturbation choices gave me some pretty damn strong cues as to my sexual proclivities very early on, even though I didn’t acknowledge them or understand them properly until much later. Indeed, to this day, it is very, very unusual for me to get myself off to something that doesn’t have an element of D/s in it. And I’d go so far as to say that my ‘go-to’ masturbation texts over the years outline pretty clearly my personal sexual trajectory …

Age 14: Defy the Eagle, Lynn Bartlett

As a young teen, this scene absolutely fascinated me. It still does. It’s incredibly tame but even though there’s no actual sex in it, the forced bondage element fairly shouts its erotic intent. These few words had my hand (and mind) very quickly occupied.

Jilana lowered herself onto the pile of furs and, while Caddaric towered over her, stretched out full length. He knelt beside the pallet, dropped the rope and then his hard hands bit into her shoulders. When Jilana gasped at his touch, Caddaric merely raised an eyebrow at her and flipped her onto her side so that she faced the tent wall. He released her shoulders and a moment later, Jilana felt the bite of the rope as he coiled it around her ankles. Her arms were pulled behind her back and her wrists bound by the same length of rope which tied her ankles. In the space of a few minutes, Jilana was trussed in a manner that left her immobile. Even as Caddaric rose, Jilana could feel the strain in her muscles and joints as she was arched backwards over the rope.
.
.
.
She had to strain in order to turn far enough over her shoulder to see him, and when she did he smiled mockingly. “Wait for me, Jilana.”

With those sarcastic words he was gone and Jilana was alone in the dark tent. Wait for me. Jilana laughed a trifle wildly. As if she could do anything else.

Age 15: Till We Meet Again – Judith Krantz

This one, I read over and over and over and over and over and over. In fact, I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count how many times my teenage self got off to this particular interaction between Sabine de Koville and Bruno de Lancel. I had no idea that what I was reading at the time was a D/s scene. All I knew was that it appealed to me. A holy hell of a lot.

“Madame must stand absolutely still. Madame must do whatever I tell her and nothing else,” Bruno said harshly. “Does Madame understand?” She nodded gravely, feeling the hot, heavy congestion grow between her thighs as she looked at the boy’s suddenly fierce features.
.
.
.
“Madam must stand against the wall,” he muttered. Madame will not remove her shoes.” She complied, her back straight and her breasts proudly high. He stood over her, only inches away, his thumbs roughly weighing her heavy breasts while his thumbs and forefingers sought her nipples under the thin folds of silk. He found them and pinched them, knowingly and repeatedly, with stern fingers that came perilously close to causing pain.

Age 36: Kaylee’s Keeper (Masters of the Castle, Book 2)

Skipping ahead a fair few years, lest this become a post of excerpts, a book that I picked up about a year ago and have returned to over and over again. There are a number of scenes in Kaylee’s Keeper that really hit the mark for me, but I do so (so) love this one, where the heroine, Kaylee, is punished in front of an audience.

“Look how wet she is,” Alan announced, and soft laughter filled the room. He laughed too, even as he purred down at her, “What kind of naughty girl gets wet during her punishment?”

“My favourite kind,” Master Marshall drawled, winning another round of chuckling laughter from everyone. “Open your legs for him, pet, nice and wide. Give him your naughty little pussy and ask Master Alan to spank it for you.”
.
.
.
“I’m waiting, pet,” Master Marshall said. Is there something you want to say to Master Alan or do I need to put you across my knee first?”

She shivered even harder, but dutifully raised her chin and, horribly embarrassed, whispered, “Please spank m-me–”

“Spank what?”

“Please, sir.” She moaned, hiding her eyes behind her hand as if that could somehow shield her from this wanton debasement. “Please don’t make me say it.”

And even more recently? This edgeplay scene from Cherise Sinclair’s recent Edge of the Enforcer.

As to the question of selfies … Do I care that people might get off on the pictures that I take of myself? Feel ‘reduced’ in any way? Nope. If anything, it kind of gives me hope that people are embracing the idea of everyday men and women with everyday bodies being sexy and erotic and desirable. Because, as I’ve said before, that’s my ultimate objective when I photograph myself in various states of undress.

I could very easily go on about this topic for another few thousand words but I’ll haul myself back at this point before I bury you any more than I already have done in a grave of verbosity. A thought to end if I may, though:

“To masturbate is to imagine: physically.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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Released! A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women

Jane — Mon, 05 May 2014 23:19:41 +0000

How’s that for an oxymoron of a post title?

At the risk of sounding like an over-excited two-year-old … WAHOO!!!! A Princess Bound features my original fairy story Thorn King and its inclusion in this anthology of kinky, sexy tales marks a serious writing milestone for me. Why? Because it’s the very first time a work of mine has appeared in print. I’ll just say that there may have been some very (very) bad dancing around the house when editor Kristina Wright emailed to let me know A Princess Bound had been released early by the uber-efficient Cleis and you should all be extremely grateful you didn’t have to witness it.

For those who have read the Five-minute Erotica pieces I’ve posted here on Chintz, it should come as no surprise that my contribution to A Princess Bound, Thorn King, is, well, a little bit dark and, of course, a little bit kinky. Be warned: the hero of the piece is unlike any fairy king you’ve ever met before …

Once Upon a Bedtime

Why is it that Goldilocks climbed into so many beds? Face it, fairy tales have always been kinky—from beautiful queens tied up in knots to the wolf that makes Red Riding Hood blush. In this distinctive collection of racy romances, Kristina Wright seduces us with tales that are playful, supernaturally sensual and very, very naughty. The beauty in “The Seven Ravens,” by Ariel Graham, uses a series of magic keys to finally unlock the door to her secret wish. A lonely maiden sneaks into the Winter Ball in Valerie Alexander’s “Mine Until Dawn,” and binds her new love in a devastatingly erotic story of dominance. A brawny beast of a man sweeps an aristocrat off her feet and right into his bed in “Black of Knight,” by Victoria Blisse. Submit to the spell of A Princess Bound.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

Amazon.com

A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women – paperback

Amazon.co.uk

A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women – paperback

Cleis Press

A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women – paperback

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e[lust] #57

Jane — Fri, 25 Apr 2014 06:03:01 +0000

*A massive ‘thank you’ to Molly and DomSigns who have been so patient with regard to my lack of Internet these past two weeks and kindly allowed this delayed posting of the April edition of e[lust].

Photo courtesy of Cammies on the Floor

Welcome to Elust #57 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #58? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

I’ve Got 99 Problems

Vasectomy Blues

I’ve always wanted to call myself queer.

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aoyama Yuki and My Very First Times

I don’t know how to be happy

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Close Enough

Wicked Wednesday: Selective Revelations

Jane — Wed, 12 Mar 2014 01:06:17 +0000

“What is hidden in your life? Or what would you like to hide? Or maybe you have found a treasure that was hidden for some time? Or you would like to find a treasure? Sometimes things are hidden in plain sight…”

)

The prompt for this week’s Wicked Wednesday is both intriguing and thought-provoking – not least because for someone like me, who blogs about sex and erotica, it raises a number of interesting questions about what I reveal and what I keep hidden from people who know me in ‘real life’.

I like to think that I am a fundamentally honest person. Bluntly, I’m just not that keen on keeping secrets or holding back the real ‘me’. (As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that life is way too short to pretend to be someone you’re not or deny yourself the things that you find pleasurable.) It took me a long time to get to this point and I don’t want to go backwards. That said, there is an inevitable rub that comes when I have to balance my ‘me-ness’ with mainstream society. Because like it or not, there is still a lot of judgement and stigma around those of us who talk openly and honestly about sex.

If you’re a regular Chintz reader, you’ll be well aware that I:

1) Like erotic books;

2) Enjoy the hell out of sex toys;

3) Love to write (darkish) smut; and

4) Have a penchant for kink.

My immediate family – a very important group of people in my life, obviously – know about all four of these things. They’re aware of my blog and even read it on occasion. Most of my close friends and even some ex-colleagues know about Chintz, too. They’ve all – to date – been super supportive of my endeavours, even if they don’t always agree with or understand why I might write about the things I do. (Interestingly, I had an hour-long debate with a very close non-kinky friend the other week about the group Pain Positive post from last October. Her perceptions of masochism and sadism are very different to mine, but even though we couldn’t agree with each other’s opinions, we could talk about our thoughts rationally. I didn’t have to hide anything from her. More to the point, I didn’t want to.) Then there are the friends who have been generous enough to volunteer their time to test various items out for the Chintz Toy Box. Again, nothing hidden between us.

But now I find myself in a new space. I’ve moved to a different country, to a small town, to an area unfamiliar to me. I’m making new friends. To them, I am a blank canvas and they are slowly forming an opinion of exactly who Jane is. For the first time in a long time, I am being very careful about how much I reveal about myself. (Funnily enough, my dad asked me just last night whether I’d found any new, local, acquaintances to test sex toys out for me, to which I replied “God, no! I don’t think we’ve reached that level yet!”)

It’s hard – really hard – to hold myself in check at times. I’m a big girl and, frankly, strong enough to defend myself, my opinions and my life choices to others. My children, who are oblivious to the chintzy curtains and all that goes on behind them, on the other hand, are not. And I don’t ever want my choices to adversely affect them because someone hasn’t taken the time to understand me as a whole.

My real life revelations at this point in time are thus selective. Censored (Urgh! I hate that word!). But I remain ever hopeful that they won’t remain so.

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Kink of the Week: Handcuffs

Jane — Wed, 26 Feb 2014 21:20:23 +0000

If you tell someone that you found some handcuffs in your friend Bill’s sock drawer (why were you snooping in there in the first place?!) or that you discovered a set in the glovebox of Granny Betsy’s car, it’s highly likely that you’ll see an eyebrow raised into a hairline and an appreciative-slash-knowing smirk rather than a look of horror at the news. Because handcuffs, it seems, are by and large okay with the mainstream.

I must confess, I am intrigued by this thinking. What is it about them that makes them so palatable to so many? Do they denote an ‘acceptable’ (and please don’t for one minute interpret my use of that word here as symbolising my own personal views on what is and isn’t acceptable between two consenting adults) brand of kink? One that it is ‘okay’ to indulge in? Most people seem to think nothing of a little restraint in the bedroom – bondage by any other name would feel as sweet – even if they don’t identify as kinky. But I suspect the reaction you’d get from a vanilla individual coming across a cane or a vampire glove amongst your personal items would be rather different. (Double-take and a step backwards rather than a blasé smirk?) I wonder if it’s because handcuffs don’t, generally speaking, involve any sort of pain on the wearer’s part and are thus far less confrontational than other forms of kink, which may have some sort of marked sensation component attached to them?

Funnily enough (and despite my initial assertion), I don’t personally include ‘traditional’ handcuffs – by which I mean the metal kind you’d expect a policeman to carry and see bedecked with horrid, fake fur on occasion – as part of my on kink landscape. They are uncomfortable, dig into the skin and are, in my experience, really only good for show or roleplay. A toy or gimmick that I don’t associate with safe, fun bondage, basically. Leather cuffs or even a warm set of hands wrapped around my wrists? Now that’s a different story entirely …

Image: Houdini in Handcuffs, 1918, Bettmann/Corbis, through The New York Times photo archive

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The Violet Wand Diaries: Part One

Jane — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 22:01:01 +0000

Image: Energy Arc, central electrode of a plasma lamp – Piccolo Namek, via Wikimedia Commons

Growing up in a country known for its agrarian-based economy, I learned pretty early on that touching an electric fence was not a good idea. At the age of six, the jolt I experienced upon touching a live wire (of sufficient strength to keep Black Angus bulls contained in the appropriate paddock) was not only enough to make me dance and hop about like I was standing on hot coals, it also instilled a healthy respect for electricity and electrical devices in general.

I was the kid who was too frightened to touch the metal edge of the trampoline for fear of receiving a static shock.

I was the kid who was too terrified to touch the plasma globe at the local science show for fear of the unpleasant sensations it might generate.

So how on earth, you might ask, did I become interested in violet wands? Or, more accurately, how did I become interested in having one used on me?

Well, that’s the funny thing about kinks and, really, sex in general. Over time, as you explore your own personal hot buttons, become more comfortable with what they are and how they make you feel, it’s entirely possible for them to morph and change. Open up doors to places you may never have thought you’d venture. And suddenly, you find yourself peeping into a room full of possibility that, mere months before, you’d have locked up tighter than a prison cell.

But that doesn’t really answer my question, does it?

I’d have to credit my initial curiosity to a select group of electrical play scenes described in fictional texts. Inexplicably, and despite my previously described feelings about electricity, certain extracts evoked a response that I would, previously, have thought impossible. None of these situations described the use of a violet wand as punishment, although I appreciate that others might use them in this way (with the consent of the person being punished, of course). Rather, they were contextualised within exploratory and sensual parameters, with the wand being seen very much as a tool to heighten both erotic discovery and evoke feelings of deeper submission and trust. Take, for example, this extract from Maren Smith’s erotic romance Kaylee’s Keeper:

‘“At the first snap and subsequent buzz, she jerked back, but almost immediately reached again. Tap, flinch. Tap-tap, flinch. She spread her wildly buzzing fingers out and finally just let it chew its blue lines all over her shaking palm.”

.

.

.

“Are you reading to trust me?”

Trembling, she nodded.

He smiled again, and oh, how that look made her feel. Like his praise, his softly uttered ‘good girls’ bolstered her and helped to keep her fear in check while he lay her back on the coffee table and began to strap her down.’

You may say at this point, ‘Well, that’s all very well, Jane, but you realise that fiction is exactly that – fiction. And what occurs on the pages of a book can not, and should not, be used as a guide to real-life experience.’ And I would say ‘yes, you’re right – to a certain extent’. Because, ultimately, books are about gaining power through knowledge. Would I read an article on mountaineering and them immediately set off to conquer Everest? No. I would not. But I might find that article interesting enough to make some tentative enquiries down at the local alpine club and ask if I could come in and talk to someone a bit more about it before signing myself up for a beginners’ course.

And that’s what happened with my burgeoning interest in violet wands. I Googled. I read some non-fiction articles about them. I confessed my interest to my other half. And then I attended the London Alternative Market and allowed someone experienced in operating one to show me what they feel like. (More information on that experience in my next Violet Wand Diaries post.)

Of all the things M and I have played with to-date, the violet wand has been the trickiest to master; because of the way it’s designed, the degree of variation in the sensations it can generate is significant – hence the idea for this post series. Bluntly, we haven’t fully gotten to grips with our latest toy box acquisition (even though we both understand its potential) and I thought it would be useful to chronicle our progress and our learning curve.

Stay tuned for part two …

The post The Violet Wand Diaries: Part One appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Safeword: Rainbow (2013 Extended Edition) – Candace Blevins

Jane — Wed, 12 Feb 2014 00:49:22 +0000

Title: Safeword: Rainbow (2013 Extended Edition)
Author: Candace Blevins
Publisher: Excessica (30 October 2013)
ISBN: 9781609827717
Reviewer: Michael

The original version of Safeword: Rainbow was published back in 2010. At the end of 2013, however, author, Candace Blevins, released a revised and updated version of the book. Michael read the first iteration and gave it four stars on Goodreads; has this new, extended edition answered some of his original questions (Tyler always worried him a little) or simply made him more curious about his relationship with Viv?

MICHAEL

Let me tell you a quick fairy tale to start things off.

Once upon a time, in the Magical Land of New Hampshire, a dark and secretive Master named James finds the slave girl he’s been searching for. James and Katrina spend a weekend exploring the limits of passion and desire and pain. And in the end, James vanishes into the night. And they never see each other again.

Well, not exactly. Let’s skip ahead a few years.

Viv’s father is home in Miami, rehabilitating following a heart attack. Her brother has been looking after him but she wants to be involved, too. And then her brother’s old friend, Tyler, arrives. And things take an interesting turn.

You see, Tyler sometimes uses the name James. And Viv has been known to use another name in certain … situations. And now they are together. For Tyler, this is everything he could have ever dreamed of. He has been reunited with the submissive he’s been searching for – the one he can finally make his own. And mould into his perfect slave.

There’s just one teeny tiny problem.

You see, Katrina wasn’t real. She looked real and felt real. She did as she was told and obeyed pretty much without question. But she wasn’t real.

Viv isn’t just a slave. She’s an academic and a researcher. She’s an expert on the world’s oceans. She is out to save the planet. And she can’t really do these things kneeling at her Master’s feet, serving his every whim and desire.

So our question comes: Can Tyler learn to scale back his fantasies to a reasonable level? Can Viv figure out a way to balance the person she wants to be with the possession she desires to be? And just as important: is there a place they can figure these things out together?

This version of Safeword: Rainbow is a revised version of the original. More material, more copy editing, and a more cohesive story. But … I still don’t feel quite like the story is over. Especially based on the new last chapter. While Tyler doesn’t necessarily cross the boundaries between real life and fantasy, he edges dangerously close in my opinion. And it likely wouldn’t take very much to send him right over.

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy.

Amazon.co.uk

Safeword: Rainbow (2013 Extended Edition) – Kindle

Amazon.com

Safeword: Rainbow (2013 Extended Edition) – Kindle

* Please note that a copy of Safeword: Rainbow (2013 Extended Edition) was provided free of charge by the author in exchange for a fair review.

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Alert Me: Back from the dead, turning down publisher deals, and tasty little SexByte morsels

Jane — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 04:38:30 +0000

Hello? Anyone there?

Like Lazarus rising from the dead (although granted, in this case, the resurrection has taken a lot longer than four days), I’m finally (finally!) back on the laptop and twitching the florals. Woot! It’s been pretty damn frustrating not being able to blog and ramble as normal but I suspect it’s been far more so for those of you who’ve continued to visit Chintz over the past two-and-a-half months in the hope of finding a new post. So inappropriate hugs and kisses to everyone who’s stuck with me and offered their support as I’ve moved from one side of the world to the other; it’s been a long slog but at long last I have a reliable Internet connection and an actual house to live in. Largess.

I’ve decided to kick off my new (albeit slightly delayed) blogging year with an Alert Me. Given that I’ve been offline so much recently, it feels like there are about a billion news stories and articles that have passed me by, so in a lot of ways this round-up is as much for me as it is for you. Enjoy.

In Which I Explain Why I Turned Down a Three-book New York Print Deal to Self-publish
Source: Brenna Aubrey (via One Handed Writers)

This piece by Brenna Aubrey makes for fascinating reading. If you’re a self-published or aspiring author, then I strongly encourage you to swing by her Website and cast a beady eye over it. Not least because it gives an excellent breakdown of some key contractual clauses that writers will come across when presented with book deals drawn up by traditional publishers. Pay careful attention, people, to the Non Compete clause. This is a bloody important bit of legal jargon. And can I add that any new author who has the guts and strength of character to turn down a six-figure deal in order to stay true to her own personal writing goals and aspirations has my undying admiration. On the strength of this post of Brenna’s, I’ve now downloaded the book in question, At Any Price (Gaming The System). I’ll let you know how I get on with it; stick figures may be on the horizon.

SexBytes
Source: SexBytes

If you’ve not yet subscribed to SexBytes, you really do need to sign yourself up. Attached to e[Lust], this handy little site pulls together all sorts of sex-related posts and articles and files them in once place so that they’re easy for you to find and peruse. These past few weeks, there have been some truly excellent entries, including Skye Warren’s article, Why Can’t an Author Make a Living Wage?, Why I Post Nude Photos (and Why I Blog About Sex) (an exceptionally thoughtful and eloquent piece on sex blogging, by Penny’s Dirty Thoughts), and Ready, Normal People? (an on-the-money article examining the U.K.’s current Internet censorship crisis courtesy of Sephy Hallow).

‘Normal Sex’ Is Becoming More Popular Among Women: Fifty Shades Of Regular?
Source: Medical Daily

I’ve included this article because it ruffled my feathers to such an extent that small tendrils of steam came out of my ears. I was willing to forgive the use of the term ‘normal sex’ in the title (what the hell is ‘normal sex’, anyway?) because it was enclosed in quotation marks and thus had some self-awareness. But then I came upon this delightful paragraph:

‘Two summers ago, women were glued to Fifty Shades of Grey, and the novel had women asking their partners to explore unchartered sexual fantasies. Many claimed that the racy BDSM novels helped them to explore their sexuality and be more open with what they desired from their partners. Others just called it “mommy porn.” There was also a speculation that the racy novels would cause a baby boom, according to Digital Spy. However, according to a recent survey, many women are more inclined to revert back to “vanilla sex,” or, in other words, they are ready to hang up their whips and put away their handcuffs; women are craving intimacy.’

It’s that last phrase that really bothered (and continues to bother) me. What, there’s no intimacy in BDSM? Let me tell you, when you truly submit to someone, when the very core of you is laid out and vulnerable, when you’ve had all your secrets, wants, needs and desires pulled out of your head and held in the palm of someone else’s hand, there’s a level of closeness that I cannot begin to articulate. I am not for one minute saying that there is anything wrong with ‘vanilla’ sex – or that it is less intimate than BDSM sex (albeit in a very different way) but I am saying that words like ‘normal’, ‘intimacy’, ‘security’ and ‘love’ are as applicable to those who engage in ‘kinky’ sex as those who don’t.

Happy belated New Year, everyone.

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A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women

Jane — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 00:03:23 +0000

I’m back! On the other side of the world, granted, but hooked into the interweb at long last. I don’t have a house (that’s still a work in progress) and the contents of my chintzy home are on a ship in the middle of one of the world’s oceans – likely the Atlantic. Pray that my container-load of worldly possessions isn’t one of the thousands that ends up lost at sea every year (I need all those books and, er, play things).

In the middle of all this chaos, however, I’ve just received some extremely exciting news: my short story, Thorn King, will be appearing in Cleis Press’s naughty fairy tale anthology, A Princess Bound, in June 2014. Woot! Edited by Kristina Wright, it’s a fabulous collection of fairy stories – both reworked and original – that celebrate the fanciful, dark and the sensual. Needless to say, I’m totally thrilled to have been included, not least because I’m going to be sliding between the covers with some very fine writers, including Kristina herself.

Like your stories erotic and kinky? Of course you do. So I’m going to shamelessly self promote and tell you to check it out.

Face it, fairy tales were always kind of kinky: from beautiful queens tied up in knots by wicked sorcerers to a wide variety of naughty and nice scenarios. Someone was always getting tied to a bed! In this new anthology of erotic romance fairy tales from the editor of the best-selling Fairy Tale Lust and Lustfully Ever After, the fairy tales are naughtier and have a BDSM twist. Retellings of the classics are joined with clever original tales, making for a darkly sensual and intensely romantic collection. Cathy Yardley, author of Crave: The Seduction of Snow White, introduces this compilation of enticing out-of-this-world erotic romance.

– Blurb courtesy of Cleis Press

Tickle your fancy? Click on the following links to purchase a copy:

The post A Princess Bound: Naughty Fairy Tales for Women appeared first on Behind the Chintz Curtain.

Pain Positive

Jane — Fri, 04 Oct 2013 11:02:01 +0000

“Pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage.”

– International Association for the Study of Pain

As a sensation in general, pain (understandably) gets a bad wrap. If we accept the above definition, it’s the body’s way of letting us know that we’re doing something to it that it would rather we didn’t.

But, for some, feeling and/or inflicting pain isn’t always a negative experience. What about those of us who have a positive, healthy relationship with it? Who consider it to be an intrinsic part of our sexual selves and a consensual, loving relationship?

I have been trying to write this post for a while but it has proven to be rather difficult. Mainly because I’m not confident that I can fully articulate the nuances of erotic pain, it subtleties – its beauty – in any sort of way that will do it justice. Not to mention that I am fighting against the ridiculously outdated perceptions of sexual/erotic pain put forward in the late 1800s and early Twentieth Century by two well-known psychiatrists. (Yep, we’re still defining sadism and masochism according to theories that are now over 100 years old. How’s that for progress?)

So I’ve called in help – big time – in the form of four very awesome people, all of whom, like me, have a close relationship with sexual pain and view it rather differently to Richard von Krafft-Ebing and Sigmund Freud …

THE RECEIVING END

Molly

That first touch of his hand or the flogger or the paddle is always a shock that makes me gasp for breath and often, for a split second, a little glimmer of hate for this moment will niggle at my brain. ‘Ow that hurts’ my knee jerk reaction but only for a moment. The smallest of moments, because then it is replaced with a heat, a strong powerful surge of chemicals that flood my nervous system but all too soon they begin to wane, disappearing alone my nerve endings and fluttering away to almost nothing until the next strike and then the next and onwards. My body greedily lapping up the sensation, riding on an ever building wave of heat and pressure making my muscles twitch and my skin throb. Nothing else exists in this moment, the pain (for want of a better word) is a consuming focusing point that dances through my body, emptying my mind of everything and making me feel. Everything is more when there is pain and yet everything is me. I am the centre of myself or should I say my body is. Alight with heat, hot electric pulsing heat that fills me up and consumes me, washing everything else away. I am raw, exposed, vulnerable and yet invincible. In that moment I feel so truly alive.

Words can’t really explain it, there is a risk of sounding like a complete lunatic, someone not quite balanced or else so full of woo woo type lovey dovey nonsense that you just can’t relate and my pain experience within kink won’t necessarily be yours. Like all physical reactions, they are unique to the person experiencing them. My orgasm isn’t like your orgasm and my ride on the adrenalin rush of pain is just that, mine. I have written about it so many times and yet it’s true strength and power eludes me here with words. Part of that is because our association with pain or what that word so often means in life is negative, trying to twist that with words into a positive moment always has to overcome that deep rooted association we all have that pain is a bad thing. Painful emotions, painful memories, painful experiences all register in our brain as a hard difficult moments and yet pain applied in such a way as to stimulate can bring about such amazing reactions and release.

So how did I discover pain as a positive erotic stimulus? The answer is someone showed me. He guided me to that moment and despite my protests and inexperience took control and spanked me and I mean really spanked me, leaving bright red handprints on my arse and a red hot throb between my thighs. I am so glad he did it, because in that moment I learned something completely new about myself and he opened a whole new world of sensation play to me. Pain in that moment isn’t really pain, it is something far more compelling and addictive than that. It is a strange and dark dance between pleasure and pain, that mingle together edging back and forth from one another but slowly coming closer together until the two are so blurred that you no longer know where one stops and the other starts. It is that moment, that pure physical experience, a loss of yourself into sensory overload, that I crave. For me pain, applied with a loving firm skilled hand is my drug of choice.

Jane

I understand that not everyone feels and experiences pain in the same way that I do and that the following will, to some, make about as much sense as a chocolate teapot.

As well as being a rather messy combination of bottom and submissive, I am a masochist. In the grand scheme of things, I believe myself to be a pretty lightweight one but, mild or not, erotic pain (amongst other things) defines a significant portion of my sexual self. Note the emphasis on the word ‘erotic’ here. To clarify, I do not find banging my shin against a table a turn-on. That just plain f*cking hurts and there’s nothing remotely sensual or enjoyable about that sort of experience. But tangle pain up with submission or bottoming, place it within a sexual context, and we’re suddenly talking about something entirely different.

Can I define exactly how it makes me feel to receive pain delivered with erotic intent? I can try. The best way I can think of to describe it is as an equation, the adding of certain things together to create a desirable sum:

sexual context + aroused brain + erotic pain = catharsis

Yep, for me, even though it is undoubtedly a sexual kink, receiving pain does not necessarily need to lead to a climax. Can pain cause me to have an orgasm? Not on its own. But it can certainly push me towards one or send me over the edge if it’s combined with more ‘standard’ forms of stimulation.

The type of pain is important, too. To get to that cathartic sum it must be of a sort that I enjoy and be delivered in a certain way. For example, I don’t like sharp sensations, but I love sting if I’m properly warmed up and experience it in bursts.

My perception of erotic pain itself is harder to describe. My brain registers that it hurts but then somehow transforms it into something else. You know when you lower yourself into bathwater that is way too hot but you gradually acclimatise until suddenly you’re sitting chest-deep and it feels wonderful and unbearable all at the same time? Well, that’s the closest analogy I can draw.

It would be pretty accurate to say that I crave erotic pain, in much the same way that other people might crave a bar of chocolate. It gives me both pleasure and satisfaction. Could I survive without it? Of course. But do I want to? No.

THOSE WHO GIVE

DomSigns

This is, I think a much more difficult subject for most of those who give pain as opposed to those that receive it. In my mind it is easier for most to understand how closely pain and pleasure are linked in the brain and therefore easier to understand how pain can be erotic. But what about those who find it erotic to give pain, how can hurting someone else give you pleasure? More importantly how can you not see that as a sickness?

After a great deal of thought on this matter I have decided that the problem with those questions is how they are phrased. The way that it make sense is that I am not “hurting” her. Hurt implies damage and I never injure her, what I do is give her pleasure through the controlled application of pain. That turns her on, and it turns me on too.

It is not just the moments of delivery that make it erotic, but all the moments afterward as well. When she rushes off to see the marks that I have left on her body, when she sits down and winces, when I grab her bottom and she groans, all of that turns me on.

Now to the part that is a bit darker. How it can work for me with the right person and consent. I have the opportunity to let a bit of the primeval part of me loose just a little. I get to express the strength of being a man to hold her down and use her as I desire, to bite and hit and mark. This doesn’t mean that I lose control, quite the opposite. I have to keep a tighter rein on what I am doing because there is a greater chance of things going wrong. It is the dichotomy of being Dom. I can express that aggressive imperative that still lives within us all… But I need to keep it from spiralling into darkness. That is why it is never done in anger, not even when she is being punished. All that we do together is done with love, complete consent and explicit communication. We all have that dark side within us and together she and I get to explore and learn that part of ourselves together with smiles and tears and passion. That makes it a journey worth taking.

M

My introduction to erotic pain was through Jane and her interest in it. Personally speaking, I don’t find being on the receiving end of it a turn-on, nor do I consider myself to be a sadist. But I do find dominating Jane very erotic and arousing – and because it is a hot button for her, pain plays a big part in that process. I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I don’t find actual pleasure in giving pain for pain’s sake, as a sadist would, I love her reaction to it. It turns her on, and her being turned on turns me on.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of doing things that were fundamentally going to ‘hurt’ Jane when we first started exploring her masochistic side, despite the fact that she wanted me to and had given her consent. But as time has gone on, that’s definitely changed – mainly because I better understand her reactions to erotic pain and love the way she responds to it. I’m also far more confident in my ability to ‘read’ her, because experience and communication have taught me what she wants, what she needs, and what I need to do to get her there. I have absolutely been in charge of the pace of exploration, though. That’s partly a the control thing, but has also been driven by my need to be confident in my judgement and that everything we do is safe.

It’s fair to say that Jane and my experiences with her, have turned the way I would normally think about pain on its head; in an erotic, consensual context, I think it is about power exchange, the brain, and a certain level of release more than anything else. Yes, finding pleasure through pain will be outside of ‘the norm’ for a lot of people but for us, it is something that’s a fundamental part of what I consider to be a healthy, loving relationship.

Trent

As a Dom with a sadistic streak a mile wide, my take on pain is rather … complicated.

First, I think some clarification is in order. I am not a ‘sexual sadist’ as described clumsily in modern psychology in reference to serial killers or the like. I’m nothing of the sort. These persons are truly dangerous in that they are incapable of deriving pleasure without inflicting terrible pain (and often death) on others. They have no empathy for their victims, and seek to inflict this pain on others solely to fulfill their own selfish desires. I’ve simplified things greatly here, but I needed to make sure that that was clear, as some people are frightened by the very word ‘sadist’.

I am a ‘sadist’ when you define the word as someone who enjoys, takes pleasure in, giving pain to a woman who wants said pain. The woman must consent, must enjoy that pain – otherwise, it’s not going to ever happen. That consent is paramount and non-negotiable, and is the key to everything regarding sadism/masochism — at least as I define it.

Pain, to me, can all be boiled down to two ingredients: sensation and control. The attraction to pain for a sane sadist – a label I would apply to myself – is that it can be used to overwhelm the sub/masochist with sensation. Many masochists report that the pain transforms itself into something else. Perhaps it’s the work of endorphins, or perhaps it’s something deeper, more conscious on the sub’s part? I suppose nobody will ever know, but I find it fascinating nonetheless.

For me, the pain must be given in a sexual context; Jane’s example of a shin bash being utterly non-sexual was a wonderful example. As in so much else, context is everything. There is a world of difference between scalding your hand on hot water, and having your ass roasted by a hard spanking. Yes, both involve serious pain, but the context renders them two sensations that couldn’t be more different as experienced by the recipient.

The control aspect comes into play in the context of Dominance and submission. Part of the control a Dominant may choose to exert concerns whether or not he will give his sub pain, be it as a punishment for some infraction of their “rules”, or simply pain given both for his pleasure, and for her pleasure at being compelled to undergo said pain. Deciding when, where, and in what form his sub feels this pain is one of the aspects of D/s that is rarely spoken of in frank terms, but one I suspect is an undercurrent in many, if not most, D/s relationships.

When a Dom decides his sub shall have a spanking, it is not merely the physical pain of the punishment that she may crave and fear in equal measure, but the control he’s exerting upon her in making her endure the pain of the spanking holds its own separate, yet intertwined, attraction for her.

He’s compelling her to expose her naked flesh to his gaze, surrendering her body for both his pleasure and hers. She’s submitting to his will, and accepting his right to give her both pain and (if she’s a good girl) pleasure. In a sense, pain itself is actually subordinate to the real appeal of the entire D/s dynamic: the unequal power relationship and its implied and explicit exercise of control. Pain in the D/s relationship is really a tool, a way to make her experience overwhelming sensation, a means to compel, to punish, or even, to reward.

For the subs/masochists brave enough to embrace those sensations, those adventurous souls who are ready to take that journey, it can be a magical trip indeed!

*An enormous and heartfelt ‘thank you’ to Molly Moore (Molly’s Daily Kiss, @Mollysdailykiss), DomSigns (@DomSigns), Trent Evans (Trent Evans Letters, @TrentEvansTales), and my husband, M, for taking the time to help me out with this post; I couldn’t have written it without them. Please, please do take the time to go and check their very excellent online selves out – in short, they rock!

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