31

A not-so-Happy Rabbit

What we used: Happy Rabbit G-Spot Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator
From: Lovehoney
Price: £49.99
Material(s): Silicone (main body and operating buttons) and plastic (base)
Lizzie is on a quest to find a new rabbit vibrator. Will Lovehoney’s Happy Rabbit G-Spot rechargeable rabbit vibrator make her, well, happy?

First thoughts …

Lizzie
I have been looking for a new rabbit vibrator for AGES. I bought my first one over ten years ago and fell completely in love with it. It was ridiculously cheap, was likely full of terrible un-bodysafe plastics, smelled dreadful, was louder than a 747 at take-off, and had an awful and superfluous bubble of moving beads the colour of boiled sweets near the base. But it could make me orgasm, no problem at all, and it was used on a weekly basis with much enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, after a few months of faithful (heavy) service it gave up the ghost – the battery chamber corroded – and, in any event, I’d started to do a bit of research on phthalates and had decided that I shouldn’t be putting things that were potentially harmful inside myself.

So I bought another more expensive one – and to my great disappointment, it was not a patch on the cheap-as-chips original. The rabbit ear position was slightly different and even though the vibe was quieter and smelled loads better, it wasn’t nearly as easy to orgasm with. Eventually, I got cross with it, threw it away and started experimenting with some different vibrator designs to see if I could find something I liked better.

But nothing I’ve tried so far has given me quite the same pleasure as my first rabbit and I’m desperate to find one that I adore as much as my original.

Bring on the Happy Rabbit. Continue reading →

30

Durex Deluxe condoms: a slightly thinner plastic bag for your willy

What we used: Durex Deluxe condoms
Manufacturer: Durex
Price: £8.60 – £9.99 for a pack of 5
Material(s): straight-walled polyurethane, non-spermicidal lubricant

At nearly £2.00 per condom, are Durex’s new Deluxe condoms all they’re cracked up to be? Thomas gives us his verdict.

First thoughts …

Thomas
I’ll be totally honest. Condoms are not my favourite sexual aid by a long shot. They fall into the category of ‘necessary evil’ but as STIs are with us for the foreseeable future, they are the best barriers to infection. As a rule, I always take the words ‘Ultimate’, ‘Ultra’, ‘Super’, and ‘Ultra-mega-f**king-amazing’, etc., with a large (large) pinch of salt when I see them applied to condoms. That fact is they all involve sticking a plastic bag over your willy, which is not terribly erotic, and they certainly don’t heighten any sensations, despite what some ribbed brands may say. Continue reading →

25

Defy the Eagle – Lynn Bartlett

Title: Defy the Eagle
Author: Lynn Bartlett
ISBN: 978-0263850765
Publisher: Mills & Boon (19 May 2006) – re-issue. (Originally published by Worldwide Library (1986))

It’s not an erotic novel per se, but if you have a bit of a thing for capture/slave fantasies and enjoy historicals, I think it’s highly likely that you’ll enjoy this book.

Defy the Eagle wasn’t the first romance I ever read but it’s most definitely the one that’s stuck in my head over the years and set the standard for all that have followed. Highly implausible plot? Check. Uber Alpha hero bordering on total wanker? Check. Cover art embarrassing enough in execution to make me hide behind a crate of avocados in order to read it (more on that later)? Check.

The official synopsis from the 2006 edition:

62AD

And Britannia is at war…

Queen Boadicea and her fearless Iceni troops face the disciplined Roman Empire and her sworn enemy Emperor Nero in their fight for freedom. The battle begins in the town of Venta Icenorum, where the beautiful and rebellious Jilana waits to be married and fulfil her duties as an honourable Roman wife and daughter.

Everything changes when Jilana meets Caddaric, an Iceni warrior, who takes her as his slave. Separated by their blood allegiances but brought together through their mutual desire, Jilana and Caddaric are unwittingly caught in a battle of their own.

As Boadicea’s army rages through Londinium and finally on towards Rome, politics and passion collide as Jilana and Caddaric race to stay together and survive the ever increasing threat of the Roman army.

My 14-year-old self stumbled across this doorstop of a novel whilst staying with my dad during the summer holidays. He was renting a furnished flat at the time and Defy the Eagle was languishing on a bookshelf, hidden amidst a seemingly endless row of The Reader’s Digest. Unable to stomach the latter (pun intended), I did what any self-respecting adolescent girl would do: I grabbed the book with the cover that featured a red-haired woman in a ‘toga’ – read: pink mini dress that wouldn’t have been out of place in an Ann Summers catalogue – languishing in the arms of a guy whose stomach appeared to be stuffed with paint rollers. (Interestingly, he also seemed to have had a run-in with a vat of St Tropez, although, I’ll hazard that as advanced as the Romans were, they hadn’t discovered the joys of fake tan.) Continue reading →

23

O is for orgasm

What we used: Play O orgasm enhancing gel
From: Durex
Price: £11.39 – £15.35 (depending on retailer)
Ingredient(s): aqua, propylene glycol, arginine, lactic acid, hydroxyethylcellulose, aroma, PEG-40 hydrogenated castor oil, isopulegol, methylparaben

Can Play O gel really help you achieve orgasm? Lizzie discovers that, yes, it can.

First thoughts …

Durex Play O has been around for a while now. I first saw it on a shelf in my local Boots pharmacy a few years ago, lurking unobtrusively next to the condoms and lubricants. The word ‘orgasm’ caught my attention and within seconds I was scanning the back of the box:

‘Durex Play OTM Gel is a revolutionary product for enhanced orgasm pleasure. Play OTM Gel has been specially designed and tested by women for women using a unique combination of ingredients that create a multitude of cooling, warming and tingling sensations all at the same time, heightening sensitivity of the clitoris for more intense orgasm pleasure and easier to reach orgasms.’

All of this sounded marvellous but to be brutally honest, I was pretty sceptical about whether a gel could have that much of an effect. An easy orgasm is pretty much the Yetti of intercourse – for women at least; everyone talks about it, but no one really believes it exists. Surely, if this stuff actually worked, I’d be hearing shrieks of pleasure echoing around the neighbourhood? Nevertheless, I’ll try anything once and so proceeded to march off to the checkout with my new discovery. Continue reading →

18

Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood) – J.R. Ward

Title: Dark Lover (A Novel of the Black Dagger Brotherhood)
Author: J.R. Ward
Publisher: Piatkus (3 Feb 2011)
ISBN: 978-0749955229

When I told a very good friend of mine (who is almost as book-obsessed as I am) that I was starting this website, one of the first things out of her mouth was ‘Don’t you dare forget the Brotherhood!’.

Of all the book series’ I’ve recommended to people over the years, this one has proved by far and away to be the most popular. I don’t know what it is – the characters, the writing, the world-building – but when readers describe the Black Dagger Brotherhood as ‘book crack’, they’re not far wrong. Like a bunch of addicts, we’re on top of the latest release in J.R. Ward’s bestselling series the moment it comes out and are soon clamouring for our next fix, regardless of whether the hit we had last was as spectacular as we imagined it would be. (Because, truth be told, some of the instalments are better than others.)

Dark Lover is the very first book in the Brotherhood line-up and although it was initially published in 2005, I was a bit late to the party and didn’t discover it until 2007. In fact, I actually read book three (Lover Awakened) first after seeing it pop up on various recommended lists on Amazon. I um’d and ah’d about buying it – I was put off by the cheesy title and the cover art – but I’m so pleased I did; I went on to devour Awakened and the other three Brotherhood books that were available at the time (Dark Lover, Lover Eternal and Lover Revealed) in less than a week. Book crack indeed. Continue reading →

17

Christian Grey’s playthings, part four: handcuffs

What we used: Luxury Suede Leather Handcuffs in red
From: Bondara
Price: £25.99
Material(s): Cuffs – suede and leather. Fastenings – nickel-plated steel

Read Fifty Shades of Grey and curious about bondage? If so, we hope you enjoy the fourth and final post in our Christian Grey’s playthings series, in which Thomas restrains Lizzie with some very comfortable leather handcuffs and she does a bit of … hanging about.

Important: If you haven’t already, please read the Behind the Chintz Curtain Disclaimer. (It’s not as dry and boring as you might think, so please do take the time to have a look.)

First impressions …

Lizzie
I have a bit of a thing for the colour red, so it was probably a given that I’d like the look of these cuffs. They arrive in generic brown packaging and, I have to say, my first thought when I extract them from their plastic sleeve is that they appear to be very well made; heavier and a lot more substantial than I imagined they would be. I can’t resist giving them a quick sniff – I adore the smell of leather – and am not disappointed by their aroma!

Each red suede cuff is lined with smooth black leather and has a metal buckle, a leather strap with punched holes, and a metal D-ring (to which the accompanying chain can be clipped to secure the cuffs together) on its outer surface. A close inspection reveals that the finishing is excellent: the stitching on the cuff edges is neat and the rivets that attach the D-rings and buckle sections are firmly set. The leather is wonderfully supple and bends easily when I manipulate the cuffs with my hands – a very good sign since having something stiff or hard around the wrists isn’t a great idea if you’re going to get physical. (You don’t want restraints chaffing, cutting into your skin or affecting circulation.) Continue reading →

16

Knickers, knickers, knickers!

If you missed our note on Facebook last week and haven’t already, check out the amazing ‘Reduce ‘n’ Seduce’ sale that’s currently happening on the Agent Provocateur website.

Gorgeous knickers, waspies, bras, suspenders, playsuits and nightwear at a serious discount. When I looked this morning, some of the items in the sale now have more than 50% off – and you can shop by price, too:
£50 and under
£100 and under
£150 and under

I adore AP and whenever my bank account allows it, love to have a little splurge with them, so this sale is the equivalent of waving a pair of red pants at a bull with a lingerie fetish. It has been going on for over a week now, though, so you’ll need to move fast if you’re planning on bagging a bargain.

For those that aren’t familiar with this super-sexy lingerie brand (which was co-founded by the son of British fashion designer Vivienne Westwood back in 1994) this will give you an idea of the kind of the kind of beautiful underwear they make. (Yes, I know it’s not Valentine’s Day but this clip flat-out rocks, so I’m sharing it anyway!)

 

13

Thanks! And a tweak to the Words section …

A quick note to say ‘thank you’!

It’s been great to see so many people exploring Chintz since our go-live just over a week ago. We really hope you continue to visit us – and we’d love for you to comment on our posts (or ask us questions if you’re brave enough!). We’re happy to consider suggestions for the Toy Box, too. Our testers are a pretty fearless bunch, so if there’s something you’re curious about but are a bit nervous to try, let us know.

Based on how people are currently using Chintz, we’ve made a small change to the site navigation. In addition to appearing on the Home page when they’re posted, our book reviews will now automatically appear in the Words section, which is also the place to find Chintz’s free erotic reads. This tweak will make it much easier for you to find all the posts that are ‘text’ rather than ‘toy’ related.

Again, thanks to everyone who’s visited so far. Don’t forget that you can ‘Like’ us on Facebook to add us to your feed (we always update the page whenever a new post goes up) and you can also follow us on Twitter @ChintzCurtain.

11

Captive in the Dark: The Dark Duet (Volume 1) – C.J. Roberts

Title: Captive in the Dark: The Dark Duet (Volume 1)
Author: C.J. Roberts
Publisher: C.J. Roberts (29 Aug 2011)
ISBN: 978-0615429502

I’m pretty bombproof when it comes to subject matter – there’s not a lot that can shock me – but if I’m going to tackle something harrowing, the balance has to be absolutely perfect: the writing has to be solid, the story clever, the characters worth the emotional investment. So having read the synopsis for this book on Amazon and come face-to-face with the pretty blunt warning about its content (‘This book contains very disturbing situations, dubious consent, strong language, and graphic violence’), I wondered how I would get on with Captive in the Dark and what I might be letting myself in for.

An amazing book, as it turned it. I am not exaggerating when I say C.J. Roberts – who wrote and published Captive in the Dark herself – had me in the palm of her hand from the prologue. Lately, it’s been a bit of a struggle to find BDSM erotica books that stand out from the crowd and have something truly unique about them (one power exchange plot can start to feel very much like another) but Captive had me absolutely glued. To the point that I couldn’t even put it down to do the dishes – and let me tell you, scrubbing a dirty pot one-handed is hard. I devoured the entire book in a day, that’s how good it was, and then immediately visited C.J. Roberts’s website to find out when Volume 2, Seduced in the Dark, was due. (As you’ve probably guessed from the title, Captive in the Dark is part of a series.) Continue reading →