28

Now that’s a Valentine’s gift …

Image: Evolved Bendable Silicone Rose Vibrator, courtesy of Vibrator Kingdom

A Hallmark card with a schmaltzy message. Flowers. Chocolate. Jewellery.

Yawn.

I’m in two minds about Valentine’s Day. On the one hand, I think it’s great to tell and show your partner that you love and appreciate them. On the other, I’m not that keen on being railroaded into buying a load of sentimental tat for a day that has, over the years, become less about romance and more about commerce.

The numbers are staggering. According to History.com, men, on average, open their wallets to the tune of USD $150.00. Women? USD $75.00. The amount of chocolate sold? 58 million pounds worth. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Take a look at this Valentine’s Day by the numbers meme they put together.

What a long, long way from Lupercalia – the Roman pagan festival many believe to be the origin of the modern Valentine’s Day celebrations – we’ve come. No blatant nudity or gentle flogging with thongs these days (more’s the pity). Just lots of cardboard, slowly wilting vegetation, sugar, and hearts on chains.

My proposal for this Valentine’s Day? Don’t go crazy on the cash. Keep the fun, sex, and debauchery of the original Lupercalian festival (sans the animal sacrifices) front and centre.

No idea where to begin looking for a lusty present? Some ‘starters for ten’ … Continue reading →

25

Spanking is beautiful (NSFW)

Concise Oxford Dictionary definition of 'spank'

 

Spank Ÿ v. slap with one’s open hand or a flat object, especially on the buttocks as a punishment. Ÿ n. a slap or series of slaps of this type.

 

How can something that’s painful be enjoyable? Create sexual satisfaction?

Erotic pain is a very hard thing to describe and quantify. In the words of Jay Wiseman:

 

‘One of the great fallacies is that people vary in their pain threshold. Medical research has proven that all persons begin to feel pain at almost exactly the same degree of stimulation. What is true is that people vary a great deal in how they react to painful stimuli …’

 

Whenever I read about spanking in the mainstream (outside of an erotic book or BDSM instructional text, basically) it’s invariably portrayed as something that’s met out as a unenjoyable punishment. Indeed, the idea that someone would willing submit to a spanking for the purposes of pleasure alone is confusing to a lot of people. Equally, the notion that there are those who like to inflict pain (responsibly) can be a difficult concept for some to get their heads around. Continue reading →

24

Anal sex on horseback – is it possible?

Sam's Creed - Sarah McCartyI’ll rephrase that. Anal sex on horseback – is it possible while escaping men with guns, not falling off said steed and/or giving yourself a serious rectal injury?

Let me assure you, this is no idle thought. I’ve recently been reading Sarah McCarty’s erotic romance Sam’s Creed, and have spent waaaay too much time trying to get my head around the logistics of the sexquestrianism described in this book.

Yes, yes, I know it’s an erotic romance and therefore a work of fantasy, but when you actually have to stop mid-sentence and draw a diagram to help you work out what the hell the characters are doing to each other, then you know you’ve got issues. (Well, either I do or the book does – I can’t quite decide which.) Continue reading →

23

The cane; not just for Victorian schoolmasters

What we used: Rattan cane
From: Bondara
Price: £16.99
Material(s): Rattan (cane), leather (handle)

*Important: Canes can hurt in bad ways as well as good ways! If you haven’t already, please do take the time to read the Behind the Chintz Curtain Disclaimer before delving further into this post.

 

First thoughts …

Lizzie
Excitement and dread.

It’s fair to say that Thomas and I have been on a bit of a journey these past few years with impact instruments; first hands, then paddles, then floggers, then straps, then crops, and now, finally, a cane. We’d been discussing the idea of trying one for a while but had been gradually building up as we knew from all the research we’d done on them (and from playing with our other impact toys) that the pain level would likely be quite a jump. Additionally, because of their greater length, there was the worry that a cane would be trickier to control.

In the end, it was Thomas who took the bull by the horns and ordered  it – I was too chicken! Continue reading →

21

Safeword: Quinacridone – Candace Blevins

Safeword: QuinacridoneTitle: Safeword: Quinacridone
Author: Candace Blevins
Publisher: Excessica (28 December 2012)
ISBN: 781609827007
Reviewer: Jane

I’m such a geek. First thing I did upon hearing about this book? Googled quinacridone. (It’s a red pigment that’s often used in paints, in case you’re wondering.)

Taking it at face value, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the title, Safeword: Quinacridone seems kind of random – light-hearted and playful in its obscurity, even – and that you’re in for the standard BDSM erotica romp.

Boy would you be wrong.

This is a tale of two people, Cara and Travis, bringing together their respective kinks – objectification and sadism – and, at the same time, creating a functional, romantic relationship. Continue reading →

17

Alert Me: turning your fingers into vibrators, sexy Midlanders, and Eroticon 2013

Sexy fingers, sexy Brits, sexy writing. (Yes, this week I’m over-using sibilance in my Alert Me intro.)

 

Hello Touch May Be the Best Sex Toy Ever Invented
Source: Gizmondo

Behold. A tens machine for your hands.

I think most of us would agree that our fingers are one of the most satisfying masturbatory tools at our disposal. Something that hasn’t gone un-noticed by luxury sex toy brand Jimmyjane, who have taken the humble digit and turned it into a vibrator.

Looking at the pictures in this article, I have to say that, visually, the Hello Touch doesn’t do a lot for me (it looks a bit medical) but I do like fingers to play a significant role in sex, so I’m willing to be convinced. Continue reading →

16

Board Resolution – Joey W. Hill

Board Resolution - Joey W. HillTitle: Board Resolution (Knights of the Boardroom
Author: Joey W. Hill
Publisher: Ellora’s Cave (20 January 2010)
ISBN: 9781419925771
Reviewer: Michael

What do you call a tale where a woman shows up for a business meeting only to be assaulted, manhandled, stripped naked, rendered immobile by being bound to a specially designed piece of furniture, blindfolded, gagged and forced to submit to her captor and, possibly, his stalwart management team?

Aw, you guessed it – it’s a love story.

Geoffrey Tennyson wasn’t one of those men who felt sorry for himself because he had a daughter and not a son. He just played the hand life dealt – and spent every moment from the day she was born until the day he died instilling in her his own version of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition. There simply wouldn’t be a situation that would come up in any business negotiation that Savannah wouldn’t be prepared for.

But then Matthew Kensington enters the equation. Continue reading →

14

Cheap and cheerful: the Lady Lustfinger Mini Vibrator

What we used:  Beginners Basic Lady Lustfinger Mini Vibrator (silver)
From: Lovehoney
Price: £3.99
Material(s): Phthalate-free plastic
Reviewer: Victoria

Small, simple, and inexpensive. Does Lovehoney’s sub-£5.00 Lady Lustfinger Mini Vibrator hit the mark?

 

First thoughts
Being a bit of a vibrator novice I was very intrigued to receive the Beginners Basic Lady Lustfinger through the post. I hadn’t used a vibrator either with a partner or on my own before (although do own a dildo), so I was looking forward to giving it a whirl.

So first of all, I have to say that I hate the name ‘Lady Lustfinger’; it sounds like a character from an 80s porn film but (thankfully) there’s no porn on the box. On the looks front, the packaging has ‘Basic’ written on the front, and that pretty much sums it up.

The vibrator itself isn’t intimidating at all as it’s only 5.5 inches long (the insertable length is 4.5 inches) but although it is silver I was quite disappointed at how plasticky it felt and therefore how light is was. It didn’t come with any batteries, either, (the Lustfinger requires a single AA) but then for £3.99 you can’t expect everything! Continue reading →