Comments on: Pain Positive

By: Females Pleasure

Females Pleasure — Fri, 29 Nov 2013 22:39:21 +0000

I’d really like it if I could get in contact with you to see if you would like to write a feature article for us on BDSM. Most women have read Fifty Shades of Grey, and we’ve been contemplating our own ‘friendly guide’ if you like. I’ve had a read of quite a few of your articles and your writing style is superb I’ll try and send you a message via your contact form. Andrea

By: Domsigns

Domsigns — Wed, 09 Oct 2013 23:15:22 +0000

Thanks Natasha,
I’d agree that it all varies from person to person. But I do happen to believe that we are all capable of things that we have been conditioned by our society and culture to see as unacceptable. Different cultures of course set these standards differently and some have practices that we in our culture find hard to justify. In ours we are all told to never raise a hand to a woman and that is a very strong taboo to overcome. I know that in exploring Molly’s desires I have uncovered a few of my own and that did cause me conflict. But learning that what we were doing was completely consensual allowed me to defuse this conflict and for me it allowed an exploration of boundaries that I didn’t even know I had. I don’t think that I am a sadist, I do not cause pain for pain’s sake. I cause it for pleasure’s sake. Hers, and mine.

Domsigns

By: Natasha Knight

Natasha Knight — Mon, 07 Oct 2013 13:16:01 +0000

Where to start? The receiving end – that I can understand. I am forever intrigued by the other side though – those who give it. I’m guessing it’s the same feeling that those who give it want to understand those who crave and take it.

DomSigns, you say “…that aggressive imperative that still lives within us all…” I thought that was true as well but my husband disagrees. He is more like M in “while I don’t find actual pleasure in giving pain for pain’s sake, as a sadist would, I love her reaction to it. It turns her on, and her being turned on turns me on.”

I wonder if because I think how I think, I believe that aggression is within all men – or maybe I hope it… I think truth varies and it’s all true really – just depends on each individual person.

The control piece, that is interesting. I’m picking it out of this post just because it stands out to me right now. Trent, you sum it up nicely when you say pain is subordinate to control (I’m really paraphrasing:). My husband and I talk about this and he tries to understand what it is I want and why I want it. One thing he says is that spanking is an expression of submission. It doesn’t have to be that, it can be a different act – it’s the submitting I crave. I think he’s right but there’s something to be said for the pain as well, although for me, that is second to giving up my control to him.

Trent, I have one questions – why do you say the control piece is not spoken about frankly in a D/s relationship? Maybe I misunderstand it.

You all wrote a nice piece, I’d love to hear more from all of you.

By: Jane

Jane — Sat, 05 Oct 2013 12:56:21 +0000

Different perspectives and experiences strongly encouraged! Please be assured that it wasn’t my intent to deliberately exclude these from the discussion – it just so happens that this is my particular orientation and that of the other four who so kindly agreed to contribute. Our voices are five amongst many; the more people who join the conversation, and hopefully begin to dispel the negative stereotypes, the better.

By: Jess Mahler

Jess Mahler — Sat, 05 Oct 2013 11:49:35 +0000

It’s great to see a piece like this, exposing the reality behind the nasty stereotypes/assumptions of S&M. However I would have liked to see some perspectives from outside the Male-dom/fem-sub dynamic. For those us who don’t fit the stereotype of male=dominant, female=submissive, the lack of our presence in popular discussions of kink can be just as frustrating as the negative stereotypes about S&M.

By: Molly

Molly — Sat, 05 Oct 2013 11:28:50 +0000

Thank you so much for asking me to take part in this post. despite having written fairly extensively about pain I still find it a challenge. As I said in my piece our brains are so hardwired with the association of pain = bad that putting a positive spin on it always has the potential to quite frankly sound like bullshit. Anyway, I think this piece goes a long way to challenging that!

Mollyxxx